That was the most satisfying place I had lived in Taiwan so far. The landlord was nice, the layout was square, there were large windows facing outside, and what satisfied me the most was having an independent doorplate. The only flaws were the lack of a kitchen and the inability to transfer my household registration there.

If I didn't oversleep, I usually woke up at 9 a.m., checked in with my phone first, then looked for a Wemo scooter downstairs. I would let my semi-cohabiting girlfriend know before heading out. Since she worked later than me, she would continue sleeping at my place. However, around this time last year, we were discussing breaking up, so the everyday life with her ended quickly.

I had been riding the route to work for over a year. In Taipei City, I often waited at traffic lights under the blazing sun (or heavy rain), along with a ton of two-stage left turns, so I had to master several routes with the fewest red lights.

My method was to look at the countdown seconds on the pedestrian crossing lights. If there were less than ten seconds left, waiting for a two-stage left turn at this intersection wouldn't take too long. If it just turned green, I could ride forward for two or three more intersections before waiting.

On the rare occasions when I couldn't rent a Wemo or the rain was too heavy, I would take the MRT, which took twice as long to get to the office.

Writing it down now, it feels funny. I don't know why I made myself so exhausted even before work started. Life back then felt like there wasn't a moment to spare, and I had to rush even just to save five minutes.

After dropping my stuff off at the office, I would go downstairs to FamilyMart to buy the 69 NTD discount combo of an iced latte and a meat bun. Eating the meat bun while reading comics in the lobby of the commercial building made my previous rushing to work entirely meaningless. Thus, my morning began in a daze.

Life in the office was plain and unadorned: replying to messages, having meetings, writing code, and writing documentations. I couldn't feel the value in the product I was building, and the sense of achievement was quite low. The team wasn't big, the product wasn't particularly profitable, but the office politics were intense. I was always filled with unforgiveness towards the company, and I remain unforgiving even now.

I was scheduled to get off work at 7 p.m. Usually, I wouldn't leave right on the dot, but before resigning, I left increasingly punctually, and sometimes even early.

After work, I would still write code, read, or do miscellaneous things. Looking back now, it feels like I was just chasing my tail. My efforts back then didn't seem to help me pursue my ideal life; they only made me busier and more lost.

Before bed, I would read novels, mainly works by Kotaro Isaka or Brandon Sanderson. When I started nodding off, I would turn off the lights and sleep. When I saw Mr. Hirayama in the movie Perfect Days do the same, I felt very happy!

This period gave me a sense of rupture. I stayed there, but I always felt I shouldn't be staying there. Sitting in the Taipei office, dreaming of being able to work in Japan, I felt like I was drifting further away from an ideal life every day. I also developed a lot of disgust and dissatisfaction towards myself for being unable to move forward properly. Finally, at a speed I could barely react to, I bought a one-way ticket to Australia.

Fast forward half a year to September. I was in Brisbane, Australia, and had been cutting pumpkins at a factory for a month. Life at this time was much simpler.

I originally lived in a small cabin next to the factory. It was truly a dilapidated century-old house. Fortunately, I was quickly taken in by Taiwanese co-workers from the same factory. One of them, E, was willing to share a room with me. For E, there was no real benefit because his rent didn't change; it just meant the landlord collected an extra rent from me. To this day, I am still amazed and grateful that someone was willing to do this for me when we had known each other for less than a month.

We woke up at 6 a.m. every day and had to be at the factory before 7 a.m. I would make a cup of coffee and eat Aldi's super delicious toast（Chocolate Chip Brioche Sliced Loaf）. Before heading out, I made sure I had my gloves, beanie (to secretly wear earphones), water bottle, and gummy bears, and I would drop an effervescent vitamin tablet into my water bottle.

Bringing gummy bears was for my own cravings, and when colleagues were working to the point of despair, I could hand them out to boost their spirits.

There were five of us in total with two cars, driving 10 minutes to the factory. The work was mainly desperately cutting pumpkins. You can refer to What I Do at the Fruit and Vegetable Factory. Towards the end, I was quite skilled at it. I could order stock from the forklift driver based on the day's orders, and I was also very good at using a Trolly Jack to push a bin of 300-400 kg pumpkins or other vegetables.

After getting home, I'd first take a shower to wash off the smell all over me, then lie on the sofa and vegetate for a bit before cooking dinner and the next day's lunchbox (later, my dinner was quite often cooked by E, who shared my room). They had a big TV in the living room, and we would watch dating reality shows, anime, and YouTube together. After dinner, there usually wasn't much to do, so we had to sleep early.

In Australia, we wouldn't eat out every day; it was expensive and required driving. So, every few days we would go to one of the three large supermarkets: Woolies, Coles, or Aldi. If we needed daily necessities, we'd go to Kmart, which essentially sold everything. When we missed the taste of home, we'd find an Asian supermarket.

When we encountered crappy things at the factory, we would sometimes impulsively drive 40 minutes after work to buy McDonald's. The way to pass the long, long road was to play music and hype each other up in the car or have heart-to-heart talks.

The urban area we went to most frequently was Sunnybank, which is also the Chinatown in Brisbane. We often went there to buy Milksha(bubble tea); it really tasted the same as in Taiwan, only the prices were different.

Since the four of them were going to return to Taiwan after this factory job ended, and they had each been working for a year or two, they planned their weekends very fully. They wanted to enjoy Brisbane to the fullest before going back. I remember once I went to a lake with them, and they invited me to tag along for the rest of their itinerary, such as a Taiwanese night market, Warner Bros. Movie World, the Sunshine Coast, etc. I was really lucky to meet them, and it was very relaxing to be able to just tag along without using my brain.

I also went to a casino for the first time. Actually, I only played the slot machines, which we called "slap-slap" for short. I'd only play about 20-50 AUD at a time, and I left without really winning or losing.

The other colleagues at the factory were also very nice, mostly Japanese. We went out for barbecues a few times, and I really liked that atmosphere.

Life in Australia also made me feel a deep connection with nature. I learned to bask in the sun, and I often saw kangaroos, koalas, or other animals walking on the road. In particular, kangaroos jumping directly in front of my car made me brake hard several times.

During this period, I briefly forgot my identity as a software engineer, constantly shattered my past self-perception, and reshaped myself. At least I felt I was no longer as cynical.

Fast forward half a year to now. I am in Japan, preparing to end my job at the ski resort, and I am about to head to Tokyo to prepare for my return as a software engineer.

The days working here are actually quite similar to Australia. The working hours are just from eight to five. At first, I took the shuttle bus to work, but the atmosphere on the bus was always very awkward. Later, I just walked to work, and I gradually found that walking for half an hour before and after work was a great way to switch my state of mind. I could walk about 17,000 steps a day.

The work was roughly introduced in Zipline Operator. Fortunately, the annoying senior colleague left in February, and my Japanese improved, allowing me to chat more deeply with my colleagues. Working life in March was quite pleasant.

I also started being assigned to the job of pushing people on a swing on the snowy mountain. This job is quite ideal. It's located right next to the starting point of the zipline. Some people would ski past, and others would come to eat at the restaurant next door and look at the scenery. I would go up at nine o'clock and stand by, waiting for ticket-buying guests to come up, or greeting passersby. When there were no guests, I could stay in the break room and do my own thing.

I prepared almost all my meals in Kusatsu myself because the dining out options were quite uniform (ramen, curry, pork cutlet, ginger pork) and charged at tourist prices. Cooking myself was both cheaper and more nutritious. Speaking of this, I also really want to share that the ski resort here distributes rice to the employees, which always felt a bit interesting.

After work, I might go straight to soak in the hot springs, or I might eat dinner with roommates I get along with. Recently, because I'm about to leave, I've started trying out the restaurants on the street.

After returning to my room, I'd first watch anime to relax before studying Japanese or doing other things (and often I'd just fall straight asleep). I re-watched My Hero Academia from the beginning, and I also finished Satoshi Mizukami's Sengoku Youko. Then, starting last month, I made up my mind, and now I'm entirely focused on job hunting, returning to the software engineer workplace.

My original intention for coming to Kusatsu was to learn snowboarding, so ever since the ski resort opened on 12/18, I practically snowboarded on all my days off. The times I didn't snowboard were because I was going to see milet and Airi Suzuki. This snow season, I started snowboarding from scratch. After finally enjoying three blissful days of snowboarding with my university dance club seniors in Echigo-Yuzawa, I decided to settle my heart and focus on job hunting.

Life in Kusatsu is not as comfortable as in Brisbane, and life is quite singular. Besides working, it's just snowboarding. The days pass much faster than imagined. It feels like those three years of COVID; the similar daily routine day after day flattened the days.

Also, without a car here, I lost the freedom to move around.

It's too easy for a backpacker in Australia to buy a car, but after coming to Japan, the procedure to convert a driver's license is extremely troublesome. Gunma Prefecture gave me the feeling that they don't want foreigners to convert their driver's licenses. Online reservations are only open for one day a month, and they stop accepting applications in less than ten minutes. Transferring a car is also not as simple as in Australia. I felt that Australia didn't make me feel like a foreigner in various aspects, while Japan draws a very clear line between Japanese and foreigners.

When I was a software engineer in Taiwan, I only felt mentally exhausted and had many dissatisfactions with the status quo. I still know, but cannot feel, the good things about Taiwan. Coupled with my desire to create, I thought many times whether I should find a lower-intensity job, work regular hours, and just make good use of my time off work.

But after actually going out to do manual labor, initially feeling the simple beauty, once the novelty faded, the repetitive labor still made me tired, and I wanted to find some work with room for growth.

Coming to Japan, the place I dreamed of, wasn't as happy as I expected. It was just an ordinary part-time job. I remember when I was in Australia, I really wanted to find a ski resort job in Japan and was very worried about it. But after truly arriving, I quickly got used to it.

Among these three periods of life, there really isn't one that can be considered an "ideal life." Australia might be the only period where I lived in the moment. During that time, I let go of my past and temporarily ignored the future, unlike in Taiwan where I yearned for the grass being greener abroad, or in Japan where I started eagerly seeking to stay.

I'm a little worried: will I just keep going places and complain wherever I go, forever living in the rupture between reality and the ideal?

That was until recently, after work, when I went back to the dorm, ate dinner, and watched Sengoku Youko. I saw a plotline similar to "becoming a Buddha in a single thought" in Buddhism. A Yokai originally of "Darkness" could, in a single thought, transform into a divine Buddha that saves all sentient beings. This concept of transforming from a demon to a Buddha in a single thought profoundly shocked me.

When I was reading The Almanack of Naval Ravikant, I also happened to read, "Enlightenment is not a state achieved after thirty years of sitting cross-legged on a mountaintop. It's something you can attain at any moment. Every day, every moment of your ordinary life, you can have sudden realizations."

It made me think, the imagination and pursuit of an "ideal life" is also a similar kind of "thought." If I keep "searching" for an "ideal life," I will never find it. Because as long as I am in a state of "searching," I am never facing my "present." Without living in the present, it's very hard to truly experience life, let alone whether it's ideal or not.

I can still talk about my imagination of an "ideal life" right now. Like living in a comfortable house (normal layout, spacious, well-ventilated, and with a kitchen), living with the people I truly care about, doing work that satisfies What I Want to Pursue in Work, creating in my spare time, having enough wealth to support my hobbies (currently stargazing and snowboarding), and maintaining good relationships with the people I like (this point is pretty much achieved).

I still don't want to return to Taiwan, and I look forward to leaving Kusatsu and going to Tokyo to live a more ideal life. After all, changing one's mindset doesn't imply compromising. Having pursuits shouldn't be conflicting.

But I am increasingly certain that even if I reach that state, I might be very satisfied at first, but I will soon be dissatisfied again, just like the shift in my state of mind after staying in Australia and Japan for a while.

The year before last, when I finished watching Perfect Days, the scene that has touched me to this day was when Mr. Hirayama left the house every morning, quietly looking at the sky, a faint smile surfacing on the corners of his mouth. Seeing him welcoming a new day with just a faint smile like that truly embodies the perfect days.

If I, too, could do the same the moment I step out of the door early in the morning, the ideal life wouldn't be too far away, would it?

Thanks to min, YA-Xuan, and Hyuanverse for helping me read the draft and providing feedback.

This time, my writing approach was slightly different from before. I welcome everyone's opinions or feedback(you can contact me through email or anyway)!

Thanks for reading!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Prologue

Like this year, I dragged my annual review until the Lunar New Year. In the past, it was because of the long holidays during the New Year period which allowed me to reflect. This year in Japan, despite not having holidays, I allow myself to delay it until now.

In 2025, I stayed in three countries taking up three different types of jobs, from a software engineer, a factory assembly line worker, to an amusement facility operator at a ski resort. My life and thoughts changed enormously. By interacting with people from different countries, ethnicities, and cultures, I learned about many different ways of living and life perspectives.

My world was shattered, rebuilt, and then shattered again. It was much more exhausting to sort out the thoughts and values flying around when trying to write this review than before.

Some thoughts I worried I had written in previous posts, or they might be conflicting, or require more references to read.

There were also ideas I wanted to elaborate into separate articles, which would leave this review feeling quite empty. I originally intended to write a summary of my life in Australia and my contemplations on whether to continue as a software engineer before writing this annual review, but I'm truly running out of time.

I'm also a little scared of doing this review. I fear that the 2025 me just ran around everywhere but achieved nothing, burning a pile of savings with little growth.

But I still have to write it. I need to capture a snapshot of the 2025 me. I want to continue witnessing myself.

Realizations of the Year

1. Anxiety Fatigue, Stop Punishing Myself in Advance

I vaguely remember being an optimistic person before I entered university. Even though I overly craved validation and engaged in self-pity, I wasn't particularly pessimistic. After that, I slowly turned into a pessimistic and negative person.

Reading heaps of philosophy and sociology books in university made me feel this society has tons of problems, and I noticed my peers had so many resources, turning me into an "angry youth".

Fortunately, I didn't have the luxury to act out outrageously; I had to earn a living. Right before graduation, I coincidentally hopped onto the train of software engineering, gradually establishing a foothold.

But because I wasn't smart enough, I didn't excel in neither technical skills nor career planning, continually getting pushed forward by anxiety. I felt I was just drifting in the software industry, and it worsened after the AI wave arrived.

In addition, I'm quite worried about the future of Taiwan; plainly speaking, I'm very afraid of a cross-strait conflict.

After threads became popular in Taiwan, creating an avenue for the public to break news, I’ve seen more happenings I couldn't agree with, mostly on gender issues, alongside numerous problems in the educational field.

Of course, there were also issues concerning Original Family and Housing Justice.

My anxiety and worries about the future completely burst open. Hence, I chose to leave Taiwan temporarily in the middle of the year, which is the part I didn't mention in Temporarily Leaving Taiwan for Two Years: Heading to Australia and Japan.

These pieces of news and information are still occurring now. I still scroll past many articles inducing AI anxiety and discussing other social issues, but I realize I have changed. I'm receiving this information more peacefully; I have developed anxiety fatigue.

Much of this credit goes to the four-month short and carefree life I spent in Australia. The attitude towards life of people over there infected me. I met some Australians who lived completely in the moment. There was one guy who only came to work at the factory because he couldn't pay his rent that week, and after working for a month, he quit. Watching them live so extremely in the present made me reflect on what state I had been putting myself in, constantly living in an anxious yet-to-happen future.

I'm slowly accepting the possibility of a worsening future, but I found out that the speed things turn bad is slower than expected.

To be anxious about that "terrible" future right now means bringing it to the present to punish myself prematurely, and when that awful future finally arrives, I will still have to experience it again.

"We suffer more in imagination than in reality." — Seneca.

I don't think I've become optimistic because of this, but I choose to refuse punishing myself early. Before that terrible future actualizes, I'm not going to be preemptively anxious about it anymore.

Conversely, after the anxiety fatigue, I want to practice focusing on the beautiful parts of life—those beautiful things I don't need to be highly successful, wealthy, or own anything to enjoy. Such as the clarity of mind waking up early (shifts compel me to wake up early, which makes my mornings super clear), the tingling sensation after exercising and showering, the tranquility when hanging out with compatible friends, and the snowy mountain views right now in Kusatsu, Gunma.

2. Living is Simply Eating Well and Sleeping Soundly

As a strict core Taipei native, it was only after coming to work in the countryside of Australia and Japan that I deeply understood this.

Living in an unfamiliar and desolate environment, my biological instincts, which I had always taken for granted, became extremely apparent.

When I was driven to the accommodation of the Australian fruit and vegetable factory, looking around with only endless farmlands and grass fields, my first thought was to secure my three meals. Second, looking at the dilapidated wooden cabin and my crude bedding, I thought about ensuring I stayed warm while sleeping. Thinking about the work shift starting at 6 AM the next day, I simply wanted to sleep early to secure enough rest.

These things are so easily accessible in a city. Even if renting conditions in Taipei were atrocious, I didn't need to heavily consider such fundamental levels, dealing me quite a shock.

Caught between family-of-origin issues, impostor syndrome, and AI anxiety, during my worst state, I often visualized myself sleeping outside Taipei Main Station, and quite a few times I thought I might not endure long.

But after coming to these rural areas, I discovered my desire to survive was stronger and more natural than I thought.

So I reverted to my most primitive needs, then step by step, retrieved the other things I was accustomed to.

Coincidentally, it was also in Australia that I finally finished reading the entire manga Delicious in Dungeon (Dungeon Meshi). At a time like this, the manga's serious exploration of adventure and diet struck a massive chord with me.

"Eat a good meal every time, maintain proper physical exercises, and keep a healthy daily routine. This is the orthodox way to become an excellent adventurer." — Senshi.

Ah, staying alive is this simple. Never give up on it arbitrarily.

3. Running Away is Not Shameful

Towards my parents, towards Taiwan, I used to think leaving was cowardice. I felt a sense of guilt leaving my own country. But after really leaving, I finally found out that this has always just been an option. Searching for a place better suited to one's survival isn't something that deserves blame.

In my first two months in Australia, I still constantly held onto that sense of guilt. Even though I knew I always wanted to leave Taiwan, I had the sensation of abandoning the country that gave birth to and nurtured me.

But as I encountered more and more people living abroad—aside from familiar Japanese and Koreans, there were also people from Brazil, Argentina, Italy, and France—this became an increasingly mundane matter for me. My guilt slowly dissipated, replaced by a sense of reassurance.

I once asked a friend working in the United States, and he calmly replied, "Because Taiwan isn't suitable for me." That was quite encouraging to me as well.

Similarly, if I choose to go back in the end, it's also not something to be blamed for.

Because if I finally went back, it would mean I've also achieved one of my purposes of leaving in the first place: Unable to Feel the Good of Taiwan—to truly feel how good Taiwan is.

Happy Things of the Year

1. Alopecia AREATA healed by 80%! My right side hadn't grown any hair for five or six years, so I had been relying on letting the top top lengthen to cover it. I did DPCP treatment at Cathay General Hospital this time, and I sunbathed extensively in Australia, so I'm not sure which one took effect.
2. Received heartfelt help from lots of friends
3. Life in Australia I genuinely felt that the Australian sunshine cured over half of my depression.
4. Started snowboarding

Accomplished Things of the Year

1. Wrote eleven articles
2. Bought the first car of my life in Australia (and already sold it)
3. Earned incomes in TWD, AUD, and JPY
4. Lost eight kilograms from work

Unfinished Things of the Year

This year I also had countless unfinished matters. Whenever one wasn't done, there were feelings of regret and unwillingness. Yet while reflecting backward, I can hardly recall any specific one, or find none particularly worth documenting in the annual review. If forced to list them... they're similar to last year, such as never finishing a book, never completing some code, not learning certain things, not joining certain plans, inconsistently exercising, not perfecting my languages, etc.

But viewing them on a stretched timescale, lots of things aren't that significant. Going through several identity shifts this year, I discovered that failing some things doesn't affect my pursuit of other goals.

Just like assuming my English and Japanese should be excellent, and my work capability super strong, just so I can go overseas; however, I failed to reach this idealized strength yet I'm already in Australia and Japan.

I read Four Thousand Weeks back in 2022. The book strived to let the reader acknowledge it's impossible to finish all the tasks we desire to do. Even though I agreed, day after day, year after year, I still chased after checking off every single task, while simultaneously condemning myself well aware of the impossibility.

This year, the intensity of this condemnation weakened. Maybe I gradually accepted my own decay and self-abandonment, or maybe I truly freed myself from the madness of accomplishing everything, or perhaps both are just differently worded interpretations of the same phenomenon.

In summary, I'll leave this 2025 space empty for now. We'll see how my thoughts evolve after 2026.

Painful Things of the Year

1. AI
2. Parents
3. Anxiety about career path
4. Identity
5. Seeking belongingness overseas

The Top Three Best Decisions

1. Leaving Taiwan
2. Taking a hiatus from being a software engineer
3. (Can't think of the third)

The Most Satisfied Purchases

1. Laser eye surgery
2. One-way ticket to Australia
3. Samsung Z fold 7 I switched from iPhone to Samsung three years ago, and this year I upgraded from s23u to Z fold 7. Never imagined the day I'd use a foldable phone, but post-laser surgery resulting in the desire to look at a larger screen made me do it. Coincidentally, during my working holiday when my computer wasn’t always around, this unfolded large screen and multitasking abilities have been remarkably fantastic.

Expectations for 2026

Career

TL;DR, I'm preparing to return to the software engineer workplace.

The broad trajectory of 2025 regarding my Career was having more alternatives and finding passion. Despite writing "It’s too early to lose my passion," predictably, I was forcing myself. Burn-out caught me mid-year, and after laying down my Labor Environment and Software Career Bottleneck before my departure, I decided to set down my keyboard and prospect other potentials.

However, after half a year of exploring and doing odd-jobs, I found out software engineering remains the best choice I know. Additionally, my fatigue toward manual labor came faster than I expected. Moving forward, I will seek other alternatives while resuming engineering.

Regarding burnout, I think I just needed to put down everything to rest, distancing myself from Taiwan and the workplace turbulence of the recent years.

The guiding stars this year are "Identity first," "Coexisting with AI," and "Prioritize securing oneself first."

Identity First

Compared to the progression of AI, what I need now is a grounded identity. I want to score a job and a working visa in Japan while my software engineer background still holds onto bits of relevance.

Even if the future for software developers becomes increasingly grim, it’s still a skillset. For a near-30 foreigner whose Japanese isn't that pristine without other skills, it continues to be my best shot.

Coexisting with AI

This half-year resting stretch also allowed me to accept the reality that AI really alters everything. Welcoming the aid of AI to accomplish tasks, and acknowledging the forthcoming environment for software developers and white-collar workers could steeply plummet.

Originally when I graduated from college to become a developer, I was merely tailing a trend. Now that the trend is shifting towards AI, I just have to follow suit again. I must believe my accumulation throughout the years are still valid—the traces of hard work, the logical path in executing a project, empathy towards people, and awareness of the market. Anyway, I will proactively learn and utilize AI, continuing to walk this thread, tracking how far I can wander.

Prioritize Securing Oneself First

This point bogged me down for quite a long time. It’s the portion I didn't clearly spell out in The Peace of Mind I Wish to Pursue in Work. Admixing with some of My Fear of Living Well mentality.

Books like The Almanack of Naval Ravikant and Rich Dad Poor Dad, alongside numerous insights from so-called successful figures redundantly conveyed similar perspectives—see through structures and markets, avoid bartering time for money, and preach about capitals and leverages.

I can rationalistically comprehend it, yet my constant thought questions, "If everyone buys into this logic, then who wants to do the down-to-earth jobs?"

When I previously worked as a software developer, my salary was slightly above average; not up toward the very top, but much better off than many below. On one side, I passionately yearned to contend for high wages; on the flip side, I constantly worried about those out-working me yet incapacitated from grasping equivalent paychecks. Progressing toward the endgame, I firmly reckoned my job was mud but I still yielded relatively fat salaries.

Perhaps an arrow can be tossed at how capitalism mechanisms function, while another aimed at personal choices. Still, getting uncomfortably disturbed because I lived better than those working harder was persistent.

Even bereft of answers this year, I plan on keeping myself safe first. Solidifying my footing first, bolstering up strength. Those questions are up for debate but cannot mold into chains tripping me. I have to perform while simultaneously scrutinizing, and not erase the contemplations on what kind of questions I was pondering upon.

Financials

Currently standing in the phase of burning savings.

Creation

This year, I scripted eleven posts capturing life and ideas. Tracing steps back, I noted the pieces I authored veered off the spectrum of what I originally presumed my pen would write.

My two favorite articles are Written After Homelessness and My Fear of Living Well.

Although I failed to fulfill my starting target—one post each month—performing the deed of writing steadily grew organic, a sensation I quite thoroughly adore.

Much appreciation to the two writing societies I’ve enrolled in. They serve as a vitalizing shot prior to publishing, also keeping me consistent. I deem them as my earliest readers.

As of this stage, generating words mainly runs as a tool for unspooling my own mind. Ironically, I was astounded to perceive that without audiences, my momentum stalls heavily—such a paradox.

Big thanks today towards the Substack platform, holding an affectionate interest in interacting globally with individuals bearing equivalent zest for literature.

Before all that, there was Twitter. Unfortunate to say, my spark for uploading things on Twitter waned gradually. Possibly resulting from it transitioning into 'X'. Still greatly appreciative that it bridged paths leading to Yawen, Hyuanverse, and Min—the ones currently orchestrating the writing societies together. Moreover, introducing engagements with two equally esteemed developer-and-blogger seniors (Huli and leafwind).

This year, aiming to at minimum sustain the momentum of one monthly article, while holding high hopes that I can aggressively log what I intend to remember. Started editing a clip per month too, wanting to try pitching philosophies with diverging mediums.

For the inquisitive eyes, free to keep tabs on IG at parker_life_path.

Interpersonal Relationships

This half-year of overseas life ingrained in me fundamentally exactly how pivotal 'Interpersonal connections' really stand.

In Australia especially, jobs around backpackers mainly rely on referrals. For a foreigner, the swiftest hack into earning local trust equates to obtaining a guarantor, otherwise, escaping the dense masses of people is severely challenging.

Trailing over to Japan, albeit not as robust relative to Australia, navigating within an unaccustomed foreigner system accelerates profusely when crossing paths with someone well-acquainted, executing experience exchanges, or those who previously slipped through the loops out right. That web composed solely out of human collaboration remains—in my hypothesis—perpetually unreplaceable by AI. Regardless of how drastically technology levels up, it’s not overriding the tie bonded between folks.

Residing with packs of backpackers during Australian days dragged out recollections encompassing my college dormitory lifecycle. Dense, frequently studded with little collisions, polishing relations meanwhile.

Gazing back at my quad of previous annual diaries:

• 2021→2022: Fate Defaults the Grasp
• 2022→2023: Flushing Lifetime over Wrong Characters
• 2023→2024: Deploying One self Above Prior All
• 2024→2025: Distancing and Intimacy Details

I guess I reached the climax of satisfactory interpersonal states as of currently. Primarily surrounded by those genuinely checking on me, though possessing strings of over-consciousness about each link. Detailing a massively fatiguing catch-up marathon leaving and temporarily popping back at Taiwan, absolutely rejoiced that connection binds maintain status.

I accelerated locating which novel buds are fit for maintaining (still fell short getting finessed by an inept Japanese senior out in Kusatsu though).

Seem to harness an evermore comforting wavelength standing around acquaintances without force-pressing limits, and sidestepping aggressive self-claims.

Major credits fall arguably back onto psychotherapy—separating assignments specifically.

There’s also an intriguing remark spotting how socializing holds equivalent standards whilst operating around English/Japanese modules. Over-sensitivity beforehand framed mainly as stress, inverted into allowing speedy synchronization dropping into newly forged settings.

Anyhow, this coming year's module drills on shielding away detested ties traversing the workspace. Pre-briefed inside the foregoing The Annoying Senior section.

Last Write-Ups, The Gratitude Checklist for the Year

Living flipped radically within the year boundaries, notwithstanding backed immensely heavily by associates' help. Sheltering when roofless, dragging out the quick-sinking emotional bogs, passionately feasting with just brief-history relations, and mapping blueprints on a zero-clue scale alongside, primarily — breathing life paths alongside me.

List down bottom are special spotlights meant solely pointing—excluding an all-out count.

1. _Hua & _Rui
2. Andie
3. Elaine
4. Guan_
5. Diamond
6. Charlie Cat Cat
7. Yu_
8. Jie
9. Crazy Writers Society
10. Twitter Meetup (Temp)
11. Branch Boy Analysis Summit
12. NCCU Seniors (especially Aji)
13. Jay & Justin
14. Lauren
15. Eric, Hong, Tina, Jin
16. Takumi & Genki
17. Wang Shi_
18. Lan__
19. Jilin Road Landlord
20. Deng*, Jia* & Exactly Right For You
21. The masses met prior departing Taiwan
22. Folks chipping feedback to my posts

Thanks to min, YA-Xuan and Hyuanverse for reading the draft of the article and giving feedback.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Kusatsu was my first stop in Japan, and it's also where I've been living for over a month now.

Kusatsu has been voted the number one hot spring in Japan for 23 consecutive years in the Top 100 Onsen rankings. Generally, people visit the three major hot springs: Goza-no-Yu, Sai-no-Kawara Open-Air Bath, and Otaki-no-Yu. Personally, I recommend Otaki-no-Yu the most. However, to be honest, after soaking here for over a month, I haven't particularly felt the "greatness" of the hot springs here. I know it's very natural, but it seems that's about it.

My impression of Kusatsu is that it's a place developed mainly for "hot spring tourism". The living amenities are not very good. There are only two supermarkets in the entire town, one of which is newly opened. The variety of vegetables and meat sold there is in the single digits, and the seasonings my friends recommended are not sold here.

There are three Lawson and three 7-11 stores, but no FamilyMart or other convenience stores. The nearest Lawson requires walking down the mountain to reach, and I don't dare go there at night because the wind is strong and there are no streetlights.

I used to come to Japan often to buy shoes, so I only brought a pair of snow boots and running shoes, thinking I could buy another pair here. It turned out there's nowhere to buy shoes in Kusatsu at all.

Eating out comes with tourist area prices (expensive), so I have to prepare three meals a day from the limited variety in the supermarkets. I'm already someone who doesn't demand much about food, but the diet here still makes me feel struggling.

I see that the company employees usually eat cup noodles, rice balls, and bread for lunch. It seems only we part-timers put more effort into preparing lunch. I wonder if they eat better for dinner or if they have already given up struggling here.

Traffic is also very inconvenient, with only two options: bus or car. It takes four hours by bus to get to Shinjuku, Tokyo. But I guess transportation to ski resorts is generally this inconvenient. For work commuting, there is a company shuttle bus.

When I was in Australia, I also lived in the countryside, surrounded by nothing but grass. But it was easy for backpackers to buy cars, and easy to hitch a ride to the supermarket. Supermarkets in Australia like Woolies, Coles, Aldi, etc., sold a wide variety of things, making me feel that the countryside in Australia had better living amenities than Kusatsu.

Zip Line Operator

I found this job through an agency while I was in Australia. Since I didn't have much time then, seeing the first ski resort vacancy pop up with seemingly good benefits—including a single room, free lift pass, and equipment rental—I took it.

During the interview, I was told I would be looking after the ski lifts, but after arriving, I found out I was responsible for a high-altitude zip line facility called Banzip Tengu. I really didn't expect a ski resort to have this kind of job. Previously, I found jobs to be mostly lifts, restaurants, front desk, rental gear, or housekeeping in partner hotels.

The job itself is not difficult. It's divided into reception, start point, and end point. First, sign the consent form at the reception, help guests put on the zip line vest, and then let them take the lift up to the start point. People at the start point are responsible for hooking the vest onto the zip line pulley, then pressing a button to let the guest slide down. People at the end point operate a hoist to unload the guest who has slid down from the zip line.

The reception is shared with the lift ticket counter, so ticket staff also help with guests. People at the start point don't come down after taking the lift up. When there are no guests, they rest up there and can use computers, read books, or do their own things. People at the end point are more tired; after sending guests up from the reception, they go to the end point to pick up guests, and go back to the reception when there are no guests.

Originally, I had a chance to go up to the start point, but it was occupied by a Japanese senior. After we went up together for two days, he reported to the supervisor that I was not qualified. Since then, I could only stay at the end point. I will mention him again later.

But It's Not the Work That's Tiring

Although the zip line job is physical labor—walking back and forth, moving zip line pulleys—the work itself is usually not the most tiring part. What makes me most exhausted here are the annoying senior, the frustration with Japanese, and the torture of boredom.

The Annoying Senior

A Japanese senior in the same zip line department puts a lot of pressure on me and makes me feel repulsed. The interaction was good at first, but slowly friction started to appear. He is good at questioning me on how to do things even though I hadn't learned them at all. Whenever I made a mistake, he would focus heavily on that error. He also likes to make inappropriate dirty jokes. I found it hard to tolerate working with him, so I even booked an online session with my previous counselor to discuss his negative impact on me.

At first, I was annoyed that I had to seek counseling because of him, but the counselor told me, "I'm not counseling because of him; he is just the person who made me take this step to deal with this issue." It made me think of my previous workplaces, or even when I was working at a vegetable factory in Australia, where I would also be affected by some colleagues and get stuck in my dislike for them.

Changing countries and jobs, I think I finally need to practice how to deal with incompatible colleagues in the workplace and reduce their impact on me.

The Frustration with Japanese

I have JLPT N2 and take conversation lessons with a Japanese teacher in Tokyo on an online platform regularly. I also made a group of Japanese friends when I was in Australia and spoke Japanese with them occasionally.

But working at the ski resort so far, I still feel painful about my Japanese. I was told by the aforementioned senior and another supervisor that my Japanese was not good enough. Guests directly asked to "get someone who can speak Japanese". I also misheard instructions a few times when working with colleagues. There are a lot of ski resort-related Japanese terms that I often don't understand and memorize slowly.

So I studied Japanese harder than ever, but I only got more anxious.

From December to early January, in the process of getting more and more anxious, I suddenly figured it out. My pain comes not only from my Japanese not being good enough but from me thinking I was good enough. The magnitude of this "gap between reality and self-expectation" determines how much pain I feel.

Realizing my current Japanese level and finding that I need to spend much more time than expected to improve it, I really didn't want to face it.

Slowly accepting that I have a longer road to tread, the reality that my Japanese is not good enough needs time to change, but the state of internal mental exhaustion can be changed immediately. I hope I can move forward without being crushed by anxiety.

The Torture of Boredom

Another troubling aspect of this job is that it's too idle when there are no guests.

The zip line is actually most popular in summer, with up to nearly 400 people a day. But in winter, with strong winds and heavy snow, almost no one wants to play the zip line. Sometimes only 4 or 5 guests come in a day. The rest of the time without guests involves standing at the counter without being able to use phones. Although we can chat with colleagues, when it's idle every day, topics run out. Trying to write something on a notepad attracts onlookers from other bored colleagues, and eventually, I got too lazy to explain and stopped writing.

In Australia, although the work was also boring, at least my body was moving, and I could immerse myself in simple labor. But here, when there are no guests, I can only space out.

It reminds me of the "Solitude and Electric Shock Experiment". This experiment found that people would rather be shocked than be bored. The experiment let subjects choose to stay in a room with only an electric shock button. Subjects could freely choose to just sit and think or be shocked. More than half of the people went to click that button.

I would rather have that button to click when I'm at work.

Getting Better Slowly

I've been here for over a month, and I'm slowly getting used to it and finding ways to crack the problems I encountered.

Facing the annoying colleague, the approach discussed with the counselor is to "keep a distance from him and spend energy on other friendly colleagues". After all, except for this senior, everyone else is nice to me. For example, when my phone strap broke, a Japanese colleague gave me his spare one the next day. Two Japanese people from Hokkaido enthusiastically taught me skiing; even though they didn't have many holidays either, they spent the whole day practicing with me and others. The Japanese guy living with me is good at cooking and often shares his dishes with me, and often gives me rides to catch the last bus after work. Other Taiwanese working here help each other in work and life, organizing hot pot parties and preparing everything so I just have to go and eat. Several Chinese colleagues working with me also hate that senior and we often complain to each other to vent.

It's difficult to fight negative energy with positive energy, but it shouldn't be impossible. In the past, even one negative comment on my articles would prevent me from accepting ten other positive ones with peace of mind. However, writing more and more now, I can accept and affirm my own words better, and better judge which comments are helpful for me to continue writing. Dealing with annoying colleagues, I think I will get better at it too.

Facing the torture of boredom, when there are no guests, I will stand at the entrance with the ski resort guide map to welcome guests. Although it's not within my scope of duties and I won't get paid more, I found unexpectedly many benefits.

Standing outside, I'm the first to meet guests. When guests have questions about the ski resort layout, they ask me first, giving me a chance to practice Japanese. If I encounter something I really don't know, I guide them to the ticket counter and then learn those Japanese phrases. Also, thinking about things won't be interrupted by other colleagues, and I can even secretly use voice input on my phone to record some thoughts.

However, this trick usually only works for half a day because the ski resort closes at 4:30 PM. Guests buying tickets decrease after noon, so usually, there is no need to stand at the door after lunch.

Using this trick, I really feel like an NPC. I don't react when guests walk from afar, but as soon as they get close to me, I strike up a conversation or answer questions, much like an NPC being triggered.

Life is slowly finding a rhythm too. At first, I couldn't do anything after work and couldn't help but watch anime until sleep (I watched My Hero Academia from the first season to the final season). But slowly I can read a bit, write a bit. Now after work, I can quickly go to the hot spring, eat, and return to my room to do things.

The current routine is working at the ski resort during the day, hot springs, cooking, and anime at night. If I have energy, I do open source, write, edit videos, and look for full-time jobs. On holidays, I go skiing or run to Tokyo for concerts and exhibitions.

Going to the hot spring every day is partly due to the environment. The dormitory is an old wooden house, and the bathroom faces the entrance directly. Freezing wind keeps pouring in, making me shiver while showering, so I just go to the hot spring for my daily wash.

Living in Kusatsu, I unconsciously compare it with Australia. If not for the incentive of "skiing", I think I probably wouldn't want to come here at all. But after a short two-day trip to Tokyo during a holiday, I deeply felt that the Japan I want to stay in is Tokyo. I won't reveal the specific reasons here for now!

After the ski resort season ends in late March, I will head to Tokyo, hoping to find a full-time job there and switch my working holiday visa to a work visa.

I will definitely miss these simple days of hot springs and skiing in the future.

Finally, sharing a little story. Just yesterday I received a Google review, which reminded me that it's a great thing to let people get good memories when traveling and relaxing.

At the end point of the zip line, constantly welcoming guests sliding down from the mountaintop with full smiles (occasionally crying kids too) is actually quite healing. It's completely different from when I was a software engineer—not facing powerless Errors, not facing supervisors constantly dropping meteorites, and not facing complaints about the product from colleagues in other departments. Although there is a high probability of returning to that life later, I am glad I stepped out.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

This article is the last one of 2025!

If taking the annual review as the last article might have more sense of ritual, but this article is also very commemorative to me. It is a thought that has troubled me for a long time, a bit heavy but very suitable to let go at the end of the year.

Thank you to those who have read my articles in 2025. I will continue to work hard on writing in 2026!

I don't know what everyone's impression of me is? But if I were to evaluate myself, I am a person with insufficient self-confidence, extremely internal friction and half-hearted.

I know I have other strengths, but what bothers me in daily life are these negative labels I attach to myself. Through counseling and writing, I am slowly tearing them off, but there is still a long way to go to get rid of them.

But such me is also "envied" by many people. This is the strongest emotion I have felt in the past half year, and also the one that makes me most overwhelmed.

Simple and Crude Envy

Some people will crudely envy my state of being able to go anywhere abroad. There were also other envied situations before.

Common lines are "So good, I also want to fly around like you", "Really envy you for having no ties in Taiwan". Facing this kind of envy, dissatisfaction will well up in my heart, because if I had ties in Taiwan, or if I could live with peace of mind and happiness in Taiwan, would I need to come out?

The opposite of these words can essentially be the reason why I envy them, "So good, I also want to be able to settle down in Taiwan".

When working holiday in Australia, backpackers envied my language ability; after accidentally letting slip that I was a software engineer, I was envied for high salary and working from home being cool. Although I know backpackers are often once-in-a-lifetime encounters, and lives return to parallel lines after leaving, I still accidentally let those words pierce into my heart.

I realized I hate this feeling of being envied. Part of the reason is that they seem to project their powerlessness onto me, only seeing the result, but ignoring the sacrifices and efforts I paid to achieve this state.

I also know that powerlessness is sometimes not their problem, but I still resent it.

Envy from Mother

At Christmas, I sent a message to my mom saying Merry's Christmas, and sent a photo of me at the snow resort. The reply I got was "You work happier, living a different life, I really want to be like this too".

When I received her reply, the tangled and mixed resentment in my heart instantly unraveled. She and my father are the source of my dissatisfaction with "envy".

Every time I shared some good news with them, I always got an "envy" response.

Common stories in society are that parents raise their children well even if they are poor or in single-parent families, but my story is the opposite. After my parents divorced, they went to pursue their ideal lives respectively. My father wanted to start a business in China, and my mother wanted to find a good man to marry, but neither of their subsequent developments went very smoothly.

I grew up with the help of relatives and noble people around me (high school math teacher, university seniors and some friends who unconditionally supported me).

When I worked hard to get into a good university, she would say "I really hope I could attend university well like you back then"; when I took the money I earned to travel to Japan and bought souvenirs for her, she only said "Really envy you, I can't go to Japan"; when I felt the bottleneck in Taiwan and career and left, she started to fully envy my life.

My current life is the result of being abandoned by her, unexpectedly envied by her in turn.

Maybe I should thank her for not taking me with her back then, otherwise I wouldn't be able to live the life she envisions.

Demand from Father

As for my father, it is less of an emotion of envy, but more like Pavlov's conditioning experiment, making me fear "living well".

Actually I don't interact much with him. Since he is in China, we can only contact by phone or message. At first, I was also willing to talk to him regularly and update him on current situation, even if I felt a bit troublesome.

He went to China for business since I was in junior high school. At first it went smoothly, but when I started working, his business began to decline. Our economic abilities grew in opposite directions.

So when I told him I switched to engineer, he would congratulate me first, and ask if I could lend him money for turnover a few days later; when I finally saved enough money to travel to Japan, he would tell me to have fun first, and ask if I could lend him money a few days later; when I changed jobs and got a raise several times in a row, it was the same routine. The most recent time was before I left Taiwan, he asked if I could take a loan for him.

When I lent him money the first few times, he paid back, but as long as I shared good news with him, I was borrowed money. Slowly it became a kind of conditioning. I am afraid of living well myself, because that might lead to me being demanded, emotionally blackmailed, blamed, or even hinted that my happiness is built on their suffering.

Envy with Good Intentions

Although I really want to delete IG, IG has gradually become a communication software. Due to working holiday, meeting new friends often requires exchanging IG.

Because of the fear of being envied, I have posted less and less updates in recent years, and I also reject the Highlight life on IG very much.

But once I accidentally chatted with a netizen that I don't like being envied. He shared another perspective with me. He told me "You just post more, let us envy!", he thinks people who really care about me would want to see.

I also heard from his tone that his envy is different from my parents' envy. It is a feeling of close friends teasing each other, without throwing out powerlessness, nor demanding.

Conclusion

Finally, to respond to the title, I am afraid of "living well", then what is living well to me?

The current answer would be "Being able to do what I want to do, not hesitating to move forward because of fear".

The intention of writing this article is not to accuse parents. I am very glad that I finally figured out where my being overwhelmed and unknown fear in the heart came from every time I encountered "envy".

Hope I can also slowly believe that I deserve to live well, and can properly face "being envied" in the future.

Thanks to min, YA-Xuan and Hyuanverse for reading the draft of the article and giving feedback.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

As the title says, I left Australia.

Decided to go to Australia temporarily in the middle of this year, and the decision to leave was also made in a hurry.

But I am very glad that I ran to Australia instead of continuing to suffer in Taiwan. Just four months broke me and reassembled me, reshaped the way I interact with the world, and let me see more possibilities.

When I met an old friend from Taiwan again before leaving Australia, she said "I was quite quiet in Taiwan", which made me realize how much I have changed or how much I have retrieved by coming to Australia.

After all, friends I met here wished I could be a bit quieter.

Same Yet Different Starting Point

Thinking that my original plan was to resign and go to Japan after the monthly rent in Taipei expired in November, didn't expect to still follow this schedule after a trip to Australia.

Transition process:

1. April, Applied for Japan Working Holiday Visa

   Inspired by two engineer friends. One found a full-time software engineer job during working holiday and stayed in Japan. The other worked and skied at a ski resort. At this time, planned to work at a ski resort in Japan while practicing Japanese, then look for a full-time job in Tokyo.

2. May, Had a meal with a former colleague who came back from Australian Working Holiday, the idea of going to Australia sprouted

   At this time, thought I could go to Australia for half a year before going to Japan at the end of the year. Also felt the pressure accumulated at work had reached the limit.

   Chose Australia at that time besides wanting to maintain exposure to Asia, Australian visa application is convenient and fast, also Australian hourly wage is high. And because paid a sum of money after application, felt it was imperative.

3. June, Australian visa came down, found Japanese visa can be kept for a year before departure, planned to stay in Australia for a full year

   At this time also thinking, maybe I would suddenly change life direction and stay in Australia.

4. July, Landed in Gold Coast, stayed temporarily at a friend's house who was studying locally. Only started to look up information and find jobs after landing

   Originally targeted tourism industry or catering industry in the city. Also thought about whether to be a technical blue-collar (light partition, waterproofing engineering).

   However, job hunting was not smooth at first. Just happened that a friend's friend's friend introduced a job in a fruit and vegetable factory, so set off. This article has a more detailed process.

5. August, Fruit and vegetable factory started. Anyway, earn some money here first, stay for three months then talk

   Doing three months is because to get the second year visa qualification must work in designated regional areas for three months (renewing for the third year requires six months).

6. September, Planned to go down to Melbourne after finishing

   First heard from a Taiwanese from Mildura saying can introduce cherry farm job which was very tempting. Then Japanese roommate also happened to want to go to Melbourne, so planned to team up with him to go down.

7. October, Started thinking if can go to Japan early

   Stayed in Australia for three months. Quite a few backpackers around went back to their countries or scattered. Also found the trouble of moving from Brisbane to Melbourne is about same as running directly to Japan, both need to start over.

   Of course staying in Brisbane is also fine, but exploration is about done. Want to confirm how actual life and work in Japan are earlier.

   Thought for about two weeks, decided to leave after the factory ends. Details of thinking will be mentioned below.

8. November, With the help of an agent found a job at a ski resort in Gunma, Japan. After going around in a circle, still returned to the most original plan

Why Leave Australia

Since I was glad to run to Australia, then why did I leave early?

The main reason is still "Want to go to Japan".

When coming to Australia, I also held the thought whether I would fall in love with Australia and not go to Japan anymore, but after staying for four months still didn't have this thought.

The reason for not having it is not entirely because of Australia, but because I have dreamed of going to Japan for too long. I have to witness the ending of this dream first. Only after it is realized or shattered can I truly move to the next step.

I don't want to give future self any chance to think "if only I had gone to Japan back then". I have to at least try to be relieved.

Therefore, when thinking about the next step here, the first thought that popped up was "Go to Japan by next June at the latest". All planning must be carried out under this major premise. This made me feel quite annoyed, like a fishbone stuck in the throat.

Don't Want to Miss the Snow Season

My plan for going to Japan is to practice Japanese for a few months while working part-time, then go all out to find a job that can issue a formal work visa to me.

If staying in Australia for a full year, go to Japan next June. Snow season is about December to March. Working all the way until snow season ends, only 3 months of visa will be left before expiring. Feel the pressure is too big to find a full-time job in such a short time.

If go now, after snow season ends next March, I still have about half a year to look for. Although won't become easier but at least time is a bit more abundant.

Current Situation of Australian Working Holiday

Coming to Australia for working holiday can really kill many birds with one stone. Can earn a sum of money, can live well, can get along with people from all over the world, can broaden horizons, can see rain forests, deserts, ocean, snow. There are many things can be done, except for "visa and status".

Jobs that working holiday visa can do are mostly primary industries (farms, meat factories, factories) or service industries (housekeeping, catering). But there are still some jobs that can accumulate, like engineering type (light partition, waterproofing). Also some jobs can participate in after meeting good opportunities with special skills possessed before coming, like diving instructor in Cairns, rugby player, staff of regional baseball league, etc.

I came out with a goal to obtain formal visa and status. Choices I know currently in Australia can't really help me achieve this, or can't do it within a year. I seriously considered doing construction engineering, finding ways to switch to technical blue-collar, but need time to hone and also need luck to enter the industry. Having a Japanese plan stuck in the middle makes it hard to try. This also facilitated me to end this exploration of Australia early. If come back again next time can at least have two continuous years to invest.

Want to Find Home

Wrote in Written After Homelessness, I actually want a "home". When in Taipei, I always felt like a passer-by because I wanted to go to Japan in the future. Coming to Australia, I found I still feel like a passer-by for the same reason.

It's quite tiring to run around with almost all belongings. Luggage was always overweight when taking flight. Threw away many things at airport before departure due to overweight. This time also purchased excess baggage to come back. Dare not to buy things when going out to play. Even bought can only stuff into suitcase.

This is also why trouble from Brisbane to Melbourne is similar to going to Japan. Because distance from Brisbane to Melbourne is a distance of taking a flight or driving for five days. Even though restrained very much in these four months, luggage still kept increasing. Experienced another round of decluttering before leaving. Some daily necessities have to be bought repeatedly because cost of taking them away is higher than buying directly.

Besides physical space, psychological burden is also quite heavy. Because backpackers come and go, experienced too many partings in short four months. Although not everyone is very good, there are also good friends who hit it off right away. Backpackers saying goodbye to each other might be goodbye forever. Japanese and Taiwanese I still have chance to meet, but like Koreans and French etc., chances to meet again in future are slim. I still can't get used to parting.

Emotional connection with family is relatively weak, might lead to me valuing people around very much. Ecology of backpackers gathering less and leaving more is still too stimulating for my current stage.

Rather than experiencing the cycle of "building life circle and have to break it" again within Australia, better spend this energy directly on my real goal — Japan.

Review Expectations Before Departure

Reviewing what I wanted to do in Australia mentioned in Leaving Taiwan for Two Years: Heading to Australia and Japan and From Coding to Cutting Pumpkins: Official Start of Australian Working Holiday: find different life rhythm, explore various possibilities, write, write software I identify with or open source contribution. Things I didn't write out but wanted to do also included editing short videos to share journey and continuing to improve Japanese.

I found different life rhythm. Didn't know how to rest in Taiwan. Coming to Australia infected by atmosphere instead resting all the time. Before coming really wanted to know what feeling of "coming out to sunbathe" is like. Because I never sunbathed for the sake of sunbathing. But coming to Australia saw locals love to find a piece of grass spread a towel sit or lie there sunbathing during the day. Some might bring paper books out to read. Also started to come out to sunbathe like this before leaving.

I also explored many possibilities. Only after truly completely accepting possibility of not continuing to write code, did I start to see more possibilities. Imagination for making a living in past was limited by identity of software engineer. What thought of was nothing more than honing which programming skills, entering foreign companies, taking cases, writing SaaS services to earn money etc. But after actually cutting pumpkins in factory to earn money, realized I used to view sky from a tube. Only looked out through the straw named software development. Only could see that part of ways to make a living. Now after taking down that straw discovered innumerable possibilities in front of eyes are endless.

"Digimon Adventure: Last Evolution Kizuna" revealed why chosen ones are all children. That is because only children contain infinite possibilities. That power of possibility can bring powerful energy to digital world. But when children grow up into adults, possibilities will converge into a line. I think my previous possibilities converged into the line of software development.

But if considering getting Japanese work visa, I might still have to return to software development first. Just able to have more energy to notice other possibilities.

Japanese is my most unexpected harvest. Some Japanese books I painstakingly moved there were not read, but my Japanese improved. Because Japanese are the most people I met in Australia. This is a change completely didn't think of before going to Australia.

They are quite willing to speak Japanese with me, also teach me a lot of Japanese. Future going to Japan also have many more friends can help each other (maybe mainly I will be taken care of by them).

I thought coming to Australia was taking a detour, but unexpectedly helped my original goal. This experience on one hand makes me amazed, on other hand makes me reflect past might be too arrogant. Arbitrarily imagining future and presuming position. But haven't tried not qualified to draw conclusion.

As for other parts not done are continuous improvement and tracking.

Conclusion

This article was written for a long time. From mid-October confirming to leave until now person is already in Taiwan. Accumulated three or four versions in between. Also details of my life in Australia and other changes brought to me were not written in.

There was a version written a bit negatively. Compared Australia and Taiwan then wrote a lot of negative views on Taiwan. But later felt this is not the emotion I want to flow in my text. Not what I want to bring to readers. Nor what I want to bring to future self.

These four months I also wrote quite a few diaries. A bit hard to organize them all in at once. Sometimes writing feels writing too detailed. Excessive information might blur the focus.

Anyway, this status report nature article ends here first. Expect to have another one chatting about what kind of life I lived in Australia.

Thank you guys for reading here. Welcome to send email or leave message on Substack to me!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Although I have written about work in my Annual Review since 2022, the last article dedicated to work and career reflection was this one: Reviewing My First Three Years as a Software Engineer. I suddenly realized that another three years have passed, which is a good timing to write again.

Recently, the days of cutting pumpkins every day in Australia have been almost two months. The initial freshness has faded, and the passage of time has become slow after getting used to the process. The fatigue and damage caused by long-term high-intensity labor also began to accumulate. The thumb, index finger and middle finger of my hands are now in a state of numbness and pain at any time. Even typing on the keyboard feels like being electrocuted by tiny currents.

Although the body is tired, the psychological pressure is much less. After all, every day I just go to work to cut pumpkins or process other fruits and vegetables, following the orders and supervisor's arrangement. After work, I don't need to think about work at all.

The salary is not low either. After deducting daily expenses and going out on weekends, I can still save more money than in Taiwan. Part of it is also because I don't buy too many things here, fearing that I can't take them away when leave.

My mentality tends to be comfortable, thinking that work is doing repetitive things day after day. From a general direction, maybe work is like this, but assembly line work is still too boring for me, and the growth curve and replaceability are also too high.

This is also true for most backpackers here, so everyone is working here just to get the visa qualification for the second or third year like me.

After staying for three months to get the second-year visa qualification, I will leave this factory. These three months are a short break and experience for me (spiritually only, because cutting pumpkins is really tiring).

Visa and Identity

The first point is also the most unpretentious point, "Visa and Identity".

I still want to work in Japan. Under this major premise, other items described later have to be ranked behind. This is also one reason why I could hold on as a software engineer before, but the software industry environment continues to be in a cold winter, and I need to continue to explore other opportunities that may get a work visa.

In Australia (or most countries), due to the recent policy shift towards anti-immigration, employer sponsorship has become difficult, and work visas are becoming harder and harder to issue.

Money

Money is not the most important but also the second most important part of work. When I first entered the society, I was deceived by words like "learning", "accumulating experience" and "sense of mission". Now I know that most jobs that don't pay enough are just shitty jobs. Unless it is to start a business together or there is really a strong relevance, one should not waste one's life to wrong oneself to achieve others' careers.

Then how much money is needed? Of course, the more the better, but reality will not always be satisfactory. Salary growth will definitely stagnate. After that, the effort required for a raise will be very much, but I am not sure to what extent my future life status and career choices will make me willing to work hard.

Thinking back to the previous pursuit of higher salary, rather than improving my life, it was more like not wanting to lose to others. Out of self-esteem or comparison mentality, I didn't allow my salary to be lower than a certain number, but actually it was quite meaningless.

"What is self-esteem! It's just self and esteem!" ── From "A Cheerful Gang Turns the Earth" by Kotaro Isaka

Isaka mentioned self-esteem many times in this novel, mainly describing a character who is very good at apologizing. later, roughly used this sentence to end the discussion on self-esteem. It's a bit nonsensical but I quite like it.

Compared to how much you earn, how much you can save is real.

Working as a software engineer in Taiwan, I feel that the pressure and anxiety brought by work made me have a lot of unnecessary expenses. Now cutting pumpkins in Australia, my mood is quite calm, and actually I don't want to spend money when I have nothing to do.

Of course, there are no concerts, pop-up stores or other things that induce me to consume here is also a reason why I can save more money, but I found that I don't need them as much as before to support me to continue working.

The relationship between work and money, I quite like the current state. hope that after ending these two years of working holiday life, my next full-time job can also continue to maintain it.

Finally, regarding thinking about money, I also want to recommend Huli's thinking on money in Currently oscillating 29. It may not give an answer, but the thinking process is very enjoyable to watch.

Great Connections

When I switched from insurance sales to programming before, I wrote "I like contact with people, but I don't want contact with people at work", but after these years, I found that I still like the feeling of working with people.

The companies I stayed in these years didn't have many colleagues. The last one had more, but due to the result of merging multiple companies, felt there was still some tension between colleagues belonging to different subsidiaries.

When I was job hunting, I asked headhunters many times to find companies with more people, but maybe due to salary requirements, own ability and environment, the teams were quite exquisite. This time coming to the factory and suddenly working with a bunch of backpackers, only then did I realize how much I like working with a bunch of people.

I thought so when I was a salesperson before, I think it was just a side effect of "selling insurance", not that I really hate interacting with people at work.

In past work experience, although the team was not big, I also often coordinated the relationship between colleagues in the team, helped ease the tension between more senior engineers and PMs, and also went to know BD, sales, marketing, PR and other roles related to the product I was developing, hoping everyone wouldn't have too much friction in the process of software product development. (I consider myself a software engineer who is easy to communicate with, and very willing to understand the difficulties of each position and find ways to discuss with the supervisor and reflect on the product. If I feel too good about myself, I apologize to the partners I have worked with before)

Realizing again how important people are to me is quite a novel discovery. I don't like relationships where we don't know each other after work. After all, work takes up a large part of life, and we are almost together on weekdays (unless working from home, but I usually don't want to be alone at home so run to a cafe to work).

However, there will definitely not only be colleagues who get along well in the workplace. No matter how small the workplace is, there will still be people who don't get along. Like now I am in the pumpkin room, usually four people, there is also a Japanese and a teenager who make me very uncomfortable when I work, but besides that, there are still other great colleagues supporting my daily work.

Can only say that having people you hate makes people you like exist. If you like everyone and hate no one, then maybe you haven't figured out what you like at all.

Peace of Mind

Many software I have developed seem to have little value to me, so if I get high income from it, I often feel very uneasy. Someone willing to pay me this money is good, I also want to make money easily, but I also know that many people are making hard money, sometimes I still feel why me.

I have also posted many times on social media saying that I look down on the chaos of online courses in Taiwan, and many software engineers or people from nowhere are opening some programming courses that are obviously cutting leeks, making some mentor programs that are out of touch with the industry, or selling desire for digital nomads like direct sales.

Online courses, mentor programs and digital nomads can all be great things, but I see many people are just targeting newcomers in the industry, those hesitant novices, providing flashy but impractical things. I really look down on them. Although can make a sum of money, I feel I can't do it with peace of mind.

As a result, just this week, Vibe Coder, who can't write code but teaches everyone to write code, exploded. He didn't figure out Token and directly opened the tool written by Google AI Studio for him, letting everyone use his AI tool and the result was deducted from his account. Seeing many industry insiders laughing and crying at the same time, also felt a bit sad, after all, quite a few people took his course.

In contrast, the labor work of cutting pumpkins now makes me feel very at ease with the money I earn, because it is really hard and tired. I feel I am worthy of every penny I earn.

However, I didn't want to specially choose this kind of work that is tired enough to doubt life. Just besides money, I hope what I can earn at work is also peace of mind.

Influence

In my 2022→2023 annual review Written at the end: Why should exert own influence, posting Irene's sentence again here:

Exerting one's influence is attempting to build the compound interest of one's ideal world. The biggest punishment for people who only care about themselves is getting more and more terrible people (in their own values).

This is also a paragraph that allows me to insist on writing newsletters and outputting.

Just a while ago I also read the article written by Vincent "Influence: An Infinite Game Worth Pursuing in Life", felt it was written too well. Beg everyone to read the full text. Directly quoting his conclusion here:

If one day you replace a certain framework in my article with your color and tone, and influence another group of people, then even if I just lie on the sofa at home drinking beer and watching Netflix after retirement, I will laugh out loud happily. This chain of influencing life with life is the infinite game I am willing to play for a lifetime.

Finally adding a little story. When I finally finished the Ministry of Science and Technology's college student research project thesis in the year of delayed graduation, due to career planning, I couldn't continue to study sociology. At that time, I said a bit childishly to Professor Gao of Sociology who guided me at that time: "I want to change the world". He first asked me which world I wanted to change, and then told me just start from the people around me first. The people around me will then influence others, so that something will slowly change.

Conclusion: Become Strong

This article is what the current me hopes to pursue in future work. I still have a long, long time to work. Thoughts deemed to change. Writing this article is also to let future me come back and see how I used to view work.

I really like what Ya-Xuan shared on Twitter "A dream without action is not a real dream, just a wish." (Original source: lazy ambitious. the worst kind of stuck.)

What I said so far may be a bit too idealistic. If I am too comfortable and don't continue to explore or act, those will eventually be just "wishes".

If want to be able to pursue these at work, I also have to be strong enough. Just like when I wrote Expectations for 2024 before, "Making yourself strong is the only way to solve problems". Having ideals but no power to realize them is more uncomfortable than having no ideals.

At least visa, money, influence, etc. all need strong work ability to support.

Future work may not be as monotonous and with a short growth curve as the fruit and vegetable factory, but it will also be day after day. Quite like the excerpt of 《Face it: you're a crazy person》 shared in ExplainThis "When something you do is bitter for others, but neither bitter nor ever boring for you, investing in this thing will allow you to gradually accumulate advantages in that field that others cannot reach." And cited doctors constantly operating for thirty or forty years, and teachers constantly explaining similar textbook contents for thirty or forty years as examples.

I am not sure if software engineer is that thing for me. Currently think it brings me too much bitterness, but in these two years perhaps may also feel that software engineer is already relatively not bitter. I didn't know how lucky I was before.

I also have a target job that has been in my heart for many years, but I didn't execute it with high intensity like work, and I couldn't get a work visa and succeed or die trying, so I am also continuing to fight and walk, and try it out while I have a little margin in these two years.

Finally, if anyone thinks of articles, books or videos about "work" written by others that are very good, please recommend them to me!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

What is a home to you?

After canceling the rental in Taipei last month, I became homeless. I really want to say romantically that from today on, the world is my home, I live on Earth, and I will roam the world!

But reality is not that romantic, I actually want a home.

I am now in Australia, living in a house next to a factory. Does this count as having a home? Or could the house I originally rented in Taipei be counted as a home?

Does a place to live count as a home? I don't think so.

After my parents divorced, I moved around many places, dad's friend's house, a Buddhist temple on the mountain, grandpa and grandma's house, grandma and uncle and aunt's house, and then several houses rented with different groups of friends.

The only time I felt like home was when living with grandma, uncle and aunt. Every day when I woke up, grandma would make breakfast for me, and ask me if I was full when she had nothing to do. After school, aunt would watch TV with grandma in the living room, and we would eat dinner while watching "Stylish Man - The Chef". On holidays, I could pester uncle to take me out to play, or play online games at home together.

However, this scene probably only lasted until my first year of high school. My grandma passed away then. Since then, no one cooked at home. Uncle and aunt bought their own meals. I also joined the dance club, and always went home after eating with friends after practice, staying in my room as soon as I got home.

Thinking about it now, the prerequisite for a "home" to be established is the scene of "family members eating together at home".

But what counts as family? The traditional definition of "family" generally refers to parents and some relatives living together, which I think is a shackle for many Taiwanese.

Because many people are not treated well by their parents and relatives. Many people seem to think that just giving birth to a child and providing food and clothing until they grow up is enough. Parenting methods also often stay at "raising children to provide for old age" or treating children as extensions of parents' will.

To put it nicely, it is "for your own good", but actually it is just wanting to control the child's life, implying distrust of the child's ability and eternal inequality of power status.

When children grow up, absorb a lot of knowledge, and their life experience becomes rich, I don't think parents and elders will always be more correct than children. Therefore, children do not need to always obey their parents. This does not mean disrespecting parents, but parents must first respect that their children can make decisions that are good for themselves.

Of course, there are parents and relatives who get along very well, it's just that I think family is not limited to or always people with blood or marriage relations.

What if we think of "family" as "people in the house" or "people living together"?

I have lived with five groups of people since university.

Unfortunately, I feel that so many experiences were not ideal for me. There was a lot of friction when living together. Actually, shared rental requires running-in, but I think my desire for "home" was too strong, while for them, it was just a short-term rental for the convenience of studying or working, and they didn't need to put so much thought into it. This caused a lot of burden on each other, and also made me feel unbalanced about our friendship. I even blocked all members of one group. Thinking about it now, it was a bit too impulsive, but maybe it also means that the fate has ended.

Thinking about this period of shared rental, I also often didn't stay at home. After all, shared rental has less personal space and occasional friction, so I would go to cafes. The cafes I went to most often were Love;Cafe, Kafka by the Sea, and Early Autumn Cafe. But Love;Cafe didn't survive the pandemic, and Kafka by the Sea closed after urban renewal. Now only Early Autumn is still open.

To be honest, the time at Love;Cafe gave me a brief feeling of "home". I spent about three years hanging out there whenever I had nothing to do. As soon as I walked in, the proprietress would say "You are here", and then order a vanilla latte for me. At first, there was a best friend stationed there. I often went to find him, and after going for a long time, I slowly met many new friends there.

Those three years coincided with university graduation, moving out of relatives' house to share a rental with friends, and changing careers to software engineer. Staying there allowed me to face these changes more calmly, like a haven for me.

Getting along with friends who could only be met there also made me realize for the first time that "meeting doesn't require knowing each other before". Now in the two years since Love; closed, I haven't met most people again.

After ending these few shared rentals, I lived alone. Although I longed for the "scene of family members eating together" in my heart, I also wanted to try to see if I could build a "home" by myself.

The result was that I felt very lonely, but I wasn't lonely for too long, because half a year after living alone, I happened to meet my ex-girlfriend. She came over almost every day after work, and we were soon in a state of almost cohabitation. I felt really happy during that time, but unfortunately there were many parts of our values that could not be reconciled. My plan to work in Japan, which had been brewing for a long time, also just started, so our relationship ended in less than a year.

I will come to Australia before going to Japan. Besides the parts mentioned in Leaving Taiwan for Two Years: Heading to Australia and Japan, another reason is the end of the relationship with her. I couldn't wait for the Japanese visa to come down, I wanted to go out and see first.

And in that half year of living alone, I felt that I became more and more silent, and spent too much money filling my loneliness. I bought a lot of anime merchandise and novels, and also chased stars crazily. I think I really liked those things, but the frequency and intensity at that time were higher than I expected. I think I wasn't fully enjoying it, but filling some emptiness.

After clearing out the rental place, I took stock of all "my" items in the world. Since I needed to leave them at a friend's house, I threw away a lot of things and only kept those that were truly important. The things I kept mainly fall into these categories:

1. Clothing
2. Novels, mainly Brandon Sanderson and Kotaro Isaka, plus a set of Elegant Yokai Apartment Life and other works.
3. Anime merchandise
4. Star-chasing merchandise, mainly Airi Suzuki, milet and Ado.
5. Memory items, such as yearbooks, past diaries, postcards.
6. Some electronic equipment

I have traveled and lived in Japan for a month and a half, and currently lived in Australia for a month. It's not inconvenient without these items, after all, most daily necessities can still be bought, but a room without these really makes me feel it's just a place to live.

Writing here, actually I am still very vague about the concept of "home", but besides the prerequisite of "family members eating together at home", perhaps "items with my or other family members' personal style" should be added.

And currently my idea of "family" is "people willing to create a sense of belonging together". I also felt a similar feeling in many works, such as "Tokyo Godfathers", "Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid" and "Spy x Family". That kind of atmosphere is what I yearn for.

I quite like a comment left by a senior in the previous article "Probably no country is heaven, but there will always be a country that gives people a feeling of home". Now I am in Australia, and will go to Japan next year. I hope to meet a place that gives me a feeling of home, or find people who can create a sense of belonging together, just like Cikapasi, the Ainu orphan in Golden Kamuy, who stayed after meeting people willing to accept him in Karafuto after traveling with Tanigaki and Inkarmat.

Finally sharing a little anecdote. The day before finishing the article, a Taiwanese here was leaving. He had a Japanese friend who wanted to see him again, so a group of us went for a barbecue. Only then did we know that the Japanese girl also originally planned to come for a working holiday, but she met a Brazilian boyfriend, so it became two people planning to find a way to stay here.

Thanks to Joe, Hsuan, Ning, Ke, Jung, min, YA-Xuan and Hyuanverse for reading the draft of the article and giving feedback.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Still Anxious Too Quickly

The leisurely feeling disappeared after the first week, and started to get a little anxious about not finding a job.

I decided to come to Australia temporarily, and didn't have much time to look up information. I was very unfamiliar with everything about how to make a living here, and there were also many things hadn't thought clearly yet, like do I want to collect visa days? What jobs do I want to do? Where do I want to work?

software engineer's experience is useless for the work that can be done in WH (Working Holiday). Feeling that past experience is like a dream, as if back to seven years ago when I switched to software engineer, feeling doubtful about past life, and unfamiliar with the future.

Dead Loop of Car, Job, Renting

Watched some WH YouTubers, originally made up my mind to work on construction sites, but couldn't find a job at all and didn't know where to look. Besides, construction sites require buying a car and tools first, which costs a lot.

To collect visa days, most jobs also suggest having a car, or can't get there without a car.

I did want to buy a car as soon as I landed, but I hit a wall twice running to the TMR (Transport and Main Roads).

I have to rent a house or work, then take the proof of address to apply for a CRN or directly exchange for an Australian driver's license.

I am staying at a friend's place temporarily, so there is no legal proof of address to apply.

Then rent a house first? But Australia is really too big. afraid that after renting, find the workplace is super far. Therefore fell into a dead loop of "No job, don't know where to live → No address, can't buy a car → No car, can't go to many workplaces".

Finding a Job

In the following two weeks, I first cast a wide net on FB, various groups or Seek, and also directly looked for Career pages of hotels or inns on Google Maps to submit resumes, but there was no news.

Luckily, when I went to Japan to listen to Ado's concert, I met a Taiwanese. His younger brother happened to be in Gold Coast, and his brother happened to have a Japanese friend who had a vacancy in a meat factory in the city that could also collect visa days.

The plot should start to go smoothly here, but the meat factory was full so I didn't get in. But that Japanese friend was really enthusiastic. He recommended me another fruit and vegetable factory he had worked in. I got a reply one week after submitting, successfully getting the first job in Australia!

I had already given up on this job during this week, originally planned to run to places further north like Cairns or Townsville to find a job.

Although didn't want to work in farms and meat factories at first, but to have stable hours and collect visa days, still have to choose these. Catering industry in the city has too few hours, arguably might be tough even for rent.

I am going to Japan next year. Actually I don't need to collect visa days, but I want to keep options for myself, so that I still have a chance to come back to Australia.

Not Being a Goody-Two-Shoes

In Leaving Taiwan for Two Years: Heading to Australia and Japan, mentioned "My life before this followed a conveyor belt". Partly because my family background didn't allow me to fall off the conveyor belt. I had no money and no time to retake exams. I also didn't have the margin to find a job only after graduating from university. Without working part-time during university would wait to starve to death, so only went to work part-time as an insurance agent in junior year, and then switched to software engineer.

Walking on the conveyor belt will make many conservative choices, and often dare not to dream. Always have to have some basic planning to make choices and take the next step.

But this doesn't work in WH. Here plans can't keep up with changes. Job opportunities for backpackers are fleeting. Compared to the part individuals can work hard on and experience, it depends more on luck and connections. Is it just coincidentally a backpacker leaving or just finished recruiting? Is there anyone known who can help recommend? Even is my resume in the first few letters when HR or employer just happens to open the mailbox.

Actually it's quite similar to the tech industry, but I knew more people who could refer me before. Coming here is starting from zero.

In this short one-month process of finding a job, everything being ready and step-by-step doesn't work. Seeing an opportunity must rush, hesitation leads to defeat. Wait until having choices then make choices, before getting anything don't need to think about how to choose.

Australians and backpackers I met here also have such personalities. I guess many people were not like this originally, but there are really too many backpackers in Australia, must rush first then talk.

Maybe not limited to Australia either. In the past I often limited myself and didn't try many opportunities, or wasted time doing excessive preparation.

I needed the stability of the conveyor belt before, but now I have grown to have the ability to take risks. Environment and ability are different, I can use different methods to break through.

What I Do in the Fruit and Vegetable Factory

The factory I stay in will process vegetables and fruits transported from farms through the assembly line then package and ship. Main customers are some supermarkets or wholesalers.

Probably have these assembly lines:

1. pumpkin room: Peel, slice, de-seed pumpkins, sometimes also cut beetroots, lemons and ginger
2. onion line: Peel onions, cut head and tail then package
3. dicing room: Dice (like cabbage dice and onion dice)
4. trim room: Slice (cabbage, Chinese cabbage, pumpkin, green pepper, potato etc.)
5. steam room: Haven't been there, overtime is fierce
6. packing room (Package and ship fruits and vegetables processed by other rooms)

I am staying in pumpkin room, mainly processing Jarrahdale (Large pumpkin), Jap (Small pumpkin), Butternut, but there will also be beetroots, lemons and ginger etc. to process.

There are 3-5 people working on the assembly line. Compared to other rooms need more strength so all will be boys.

The basic process of processing pumpkin is first peeling through peeler, then de-seeding, and because peeler is inserting pumpkin to rotate and peel, top and bottom will have unpeeled skin, finally use a small knife to cut off the top and bottom skin.

Peeler probably looks like this, but the machine in the factory is a huge one, and the razor is a fixed rod, back there will be a conveyor belt to catch peeled skin.

Peeler is what I think is the most tiring in the pumpkin room. Pumpkin will be inserted first to rotate, then have to hold the razor steady and grasp the right angle to approach the pumpkin then peel from head to tail. I still can't hold it very well currently. Razor approaching will be easily knocked away. Ideally razor stays there, pumpkin peels after rolling a circle.

De-seeding is using a scraper to chop in and cut out a semicircle, making the pumpkin become that piece on the right.

Work time is usually 7 am to 3 pm, but occasionally rushing orders will start work early at 5 am. Off work time also depends on order status and supervisor's mood. Every morning each room will have types and quantities of fruits and vegetables to do today. Pumpkin is tired but usually get off work on time or even early. Sometimes even if quantity is not done will let people go.

The day writing this article was, beetroot 800 kg, 1/4 Jarra 400 kg, then all doing Jap.

Actually very boring at work. Just holding razor, scraper or small knife in hand, hand up knife down hand up knife down, chopping from beetroot all the way to small pumpkin.

Currently working for more than a week, hand has been hurting since the first day till now. Because holding knife to cut for eight hours, grasping pumpkin steady also needs grip strength. Don't know if will get used to it. Also accidentally cut index finger.

Why on Earth Am I Here

"He who has a why to live for can bear almost any how." — Twilight of the Idols, Nietzsche

Actually coming to WH can't earn the salary I had as a software engineer in Taiwan before, and it is heavy physical work (the kind that will have sequelae if done for too long).

When cutting pumpkins here until hands are very sore, inevitably will doubt life a bit. Why did I come here, to be an assembly line worker in a factory?

Simple Beauty

Working eight hours in the factory, off work is off work. I don't need to continue thinking about how to cut pumpkins after work. I was an insurance agent for one and a half years and a software engineer for six and a half years. When being an agent there was no off work time, always thinking about developing customers. When being a software engineer, was always FOMOing technology after work. Experience this simple feeling again after eight years.

When feeling the simple beauty, a voice in my heart still whispers asking me "Are you escaping". People around are getting married and starting careers, I am still cutting pumpkins here.

But could I be better if I continue to be a software engineer in Taiwan? No, I just know that I can no longer continue to grow, and also realize staying in the original environment is just chronic suicide. My current thinking is still the same as written in Labor Environment and Software Career Bottleneck.

And assembly line is repeating doing the same thing. Boring is very boring, but feeling of not connecting to the internet for eight hours a day is also quite good. Won't be overly anxious by watching social media. Amount of information absorbed daily won't be overloaded. Moreover most of the time cutting pumpkins doesn't need to use brain, so I will think about my own things. Like this article was thought out when cutting pumpkins. coming to computer is just typing out what I thought.

Coming to WH is really can have a not bad income, have a lot of time, and also can get more stimulation. (But other assembly lines or jobs are not necessarily, also a bit depending on luck).

Left blank for brain and time for contemplation, this is a habit I would want to continue to keep later.

Thanks for Every Encounter

The most important thing in WH is really "people". Someone helps introduce jobs, someone shares information, someone has a car can help give a ride or someone can complain, work hard together etc.

Suffered a lot at the beginning because didn't know many people, but after slowly knowing some people, received a lot of help.

Friend who let me stay for a month, friend's younger brother who happened to study here, his Japanese friend, Taiwanese in Gold Coast for two years took me to buy special offers, avoid me stepping on landmines working, German who looked for me to play cards in backpacker hostel, Taiwanese and Japanese met in factory shared many groups and information to me, also let me be more familiar with tricks here, Japanese met in dormitory would share Japanese rice with me and ask me to exercise, people willing to give me a ride to supermarket.

Each of these encounters reminds me of the good between people.

And everyone represents a way of living. I would ask people I meet what they did before, thoughts for later whenever I catch a chance. Even met a technician from Taiwan when renting a car, I also took the chance to ask him how long he has been here, why wanted to come, how stayed down and why wanted to stay down. Also thank him for being quite willing to share (maybe also because I will buy a car from him later).

Multi-national Exchange in Library

After hearing English conversation activity on broadcast when going to Gold Coast library with friends, I went to almost every session before finding a job.

Australian libraries seem to hold many activities. Like City of Gold Coast find What’s on under Library can see different libraries hold English exchange activities, and almost every day.

Participants are not only backpackers, but also many immigrants. Met retired Portuguese who has immigrated for 40 years, library guard immigrated from Jordan, Colombian who feels English is difficult, Mongolian designer who married here and opened a company, Indian software engineer bringing kids. The majority are Japanese and South Koreans. quite a few Taiwanese. Only met one Chinese.

Portuguese and Jordanian shared the sorrow of immigration with us. Portuguese has left for 40 years, so when she went back Portugal was not the look in her memory. Very familiar but yet very strange. She is already 70 years old this year. Family and friends are also slowly moving towards the end of life. She also didn't see the last face of her brother. And Jordanian came here to escape war. He misses Jordanian food very much, but he can't go back.

After knowing them I deeply felt how important it is to come out once. This is what I wrote in Unable to Feel the Good of Taiwan. I want to experience life in different countries in person, to fall in love with Taiwan again or choose to settle elsewhere.

If I continue to stay in Taiwan, I will only know Taiwan's problems, but if I know each country's own problems, I might be more relieved, and choose a place I can relatively accept, a place I am willing to call "home".

Really hope I came out earlier, but coming out too early might not be able to have current realization.

Quite interesting is I really want to go to Japan, but a large part of Japanese here want to leave Japan, and all people who want to leave have the same reason — low salary. But apart from salary, I found they all still love Japan very much.

The Terrible Part

Although seemed to say a lot of good words before, still have to report the terrible part for balance.

Because fruit and vegetable factory is Full Time work, minimum hourly wage is 24.95 $/hr, paid once every two weeks, guaranteed 1600 AUD. As the one introduced me here is a girl, and girls mostly go to Packing Room, so I thought I would also do packaging work here, but boys are often sent to Pumpkin Room. Peeling pumpkins, de-seeding these two are not easy jobs. Rest time after work and holidays simply can't let my hands recover, so basically maintain in a sore state. Maybe will get used to it later, but I guess will keep sore.

And working hours of this factory are very unstable. Scheduled 3 o'clock but still depends on supervisor's mood to decide what time to get off work. I get off work early quite often currently. Because salary has guarantee, so getting off work early is considered good. But like Onion Line or Steam Room usually will work overtime until 5 o'clock or even 7 o'clock (average working hours 10-12 hours). Then do they earn a lot? Not really. Because hours are calculated by total not by days. Only after hours exceed 76 hours within two weeks will use overtime rate. So factory will let them work crazy overtime then directly give them a day off. Hours working overtime normally will be diluted by 8 hours of that day off. Hours using overtime pay become less. Counted as quite a mean move.

Then is I live in the factory boss's century-old house. Weekly rent is 160 $/wk.

Considering the condition of this house it is too expensive. Even didn't have hot water in the first week I moved in. Walls are even just blinds. Very hot when sun shines in during the day, very cold when cold wind pours in at night. Then no independent room. Landlord is not very attentive in responding to tenant problems either. Friends warned me about Chinese landlords, but my landlord is Australian. Also heard other backpackers being emotionally blackmailed or maliciously raised rent by Australian landlords. Looks like bad landlords don't distinguish nationality. Heard Japanese laws relatively protect tenants. Will experience next year when going there.

Impression after chatting with locals and some immigrants is, Australian political environment is also not good, but unlike Taiwan's Blue-Green malicious struggle and Communist Party invasion. Here often blame this and that and change policies frequently. Like immigration and entry regulations also change once every few years. Recently just happened to be the period they blame immigrants for stealing Australians' jobs and speculating on housing. So staying in Australia became very difficult. Visa review became very strict. But in previous years issued visas widely due to lack of labor. My own thought is Australians are really Chill. Many jobs are not because of lack of people but because locals don't want to do.

Australian public institutions, insurance and so on are also very expensive, speed is not fast either. Like my driving license for one year costs 92 AUD (longer validity will be more expensive), still have to wait for ordinary mail to arrive within two weeks.

No Answer But Have Direction

After knowing more and more people's lifestyles and plans, although no change to my current situation, my vision has become broader.

I no longer feel life only has a few roads in front of eyes to walk, but know there are many roads, just I don't know yet.

Expectations before departure were, come here to "find different life rhythm" and "explore various possibilities", also hope to have time to "write" and "write software I identify with".

My current thought is still will continue to write. Now have job and time, I should be able to produce more.

As for software, I seem not very motivated. Partly I am also thinking the previous angle of crazily delving into technology is not the only way. As AI becomes stronger and stronger, the essence of programming will be more highlighted. If not top-tier software services, in most cases writing better code if can't solve problems better, then there is no meaning.

I currently still yearn for Japan more. Still hold a passer-by mentality towards Australia (if anyone is interested I can share why again). I think I will need to strengthen Japanese ability more for future communication, also continue to observe what can do in Japan.

Finally, I found successively readers would send letters or leave messages on Substack, Twitter to me. Although I reply very slowly, actually I am very happy to receive readers' letters. Be it asking questions, suggestions or simply sharing reading thoughts are all good. Welcome to write! If hoping for a reply as soon as possible, can say "Urgent" at the beginning!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Unknowingly have lived in Gold Coast for a week. Taking advantage of memory and impact still fresh to record.

This week I actually didn't do much. Went to various supermarkets to buy supplies with friends in the first two days. Two days looking up information and running administrative processes (mobile phone, bank, TFN, TMR etc.). Weekend two days went to BroadBeach and Surfers Paradise to see the sea by myself. Then at night usually playing Maplestory with friends in Taiwan.

Although the title says first week in Australia, actually still quite a lot of my own thoughts. If want to see thoughts more related to Australia can scroll directly to the "Miscellaneous Thoughts on Australia" section below!

(If really want to see information related to Australian Working Holiday, other backpackers' experiences should be more detailed.)

Only Realized Taiwan is Hometown After Leaving

Saying goodbye to more and more people, becoming more and more attached to Taiwan.

Because my Facebook was blocked for a period of time, almost missed the wedding of a dance club senior who is both a teacher and a friend, just two days before my departure.

Met many old friends at the wedding. Mainly seniors from high school and university dance clubs. Really took care of me a lot. Really happy to see them before leaving. Among them a senior sister who took care of me very much, when sharing with her that I was about to depart, felt a bit nasal. Finally when saying goodbye to the senior, didn't expect he cried first. He said "Have a feeling that won't see me until a long long time later", then I also cried together.

After my house lease ended, I no longer have a place called "home" in Taiwan. So I had to leave things I can't take away at friends' house. Thank two friends willing to lend me space, and listened to me sharing the meaning of these things to me. After introducing these items once, I felt ready to bid a short farewell to these items. Things I own combined are also a little proof of my existence.

From ending lease to leaving Taiwan, I stayed at friends' house for a week. Originally they gave me a farewell once when I wasn't going to stay. After moving in gave another farewell. Quite funny but also quite heartwarming.

Wrote an article before departure and thought deeply. Currently very dissatisfied with Taiwan in work, living, traffic and original family etc. But there are so many beautiful people in Taiwan, supporting me, helping me. Kindness they gave me, repeatedly made me feel should stay to work hard, build a better Taiwan.

Can't truly hate Taiwan, also because Taiwan gave birth to these people.

Luckily my flight ticket and visa were ready before seeing everyone, otherwise I would really waver.

However after calming down a bit here, still feel I really need to come out for a trip. I burned myself out a bit.

(Also thank everyone who gave me blessings after seeing Leaving Taiwan for Two Years: Heading to Australia and Japan. Even if didn't meet, I am also very grateful to everyone willing to move fingers to bless me.)

Maybe the Last Time

Before this departure, tried to arrange meeting with friends who asked.

Heard from Gooaye (podcast) before saying "Unknowingly we met many people for the last time". Not necessarily related to life and death, but fate just ends here. All along, indeed have quite a few experiences saying let's meet next time, but silently there is no next gathering.

As age grows, some people will get married and have children, some people will shoulder more responsibilities at work, and other increasing external affairs. If I confirm not settling in Taiwan later, then time I can find friends when coming back will be even less.

So, before this departure I cherished every gathering with the mood of the last time. Of course still hope everyone can be well wherever they are.

Here to Heal

Thinking of when sharing my plan with a senior, he said "Looks like you were severely heartbroken by Taiwan".

Even if I have been here for a week, I still only have negative thoughts about Taiwan. Described most in the article of temporary farewell. Rest of thoughts not sure if extreme won't repeat here.

If want to respond to friends' blessings, what I should do is not stay in Taiwan to struggle, but find ways to let myself continue in any form.

The day after I left Taiwan, my dad happened to bring his wife and kid back to Taiwan from China. The night I saw photo of my dad's family gathering with other relatives, I had a nightmare.

That dream was very ordinary, just dreaming I was at the scene. But just me being at the scene felt very panicked.

At this time I knew, how unwilling I am to see them again. How fortunate I am to leave Taiwan one day earlier.

I really want to cut off relationship with him, but I am too weak. I can't do it yet. I also don't have courage to tell him I don't want to see him.

I can only choose to leave Taiwan temporarily. I won't step on China's land either. Hope I can become braver in these two years.

Can't See the Truth Because Being In It

Counting from resignation time, I haven't written code for nearly two weeks. In my six years of work, first time didn't write code for more than three days.

Although haven't started working in Australia, feeling very uncomfortable thinking of returning to Taiwan's software engineer environment. Taiwan companies like to transfer cost of career development and growth to employees themselves too much. I worry about not being needed anymore after work and on holidays. Feel life is pressed to breathlessness but can't see direction.

I slowly figured out in this week. My previous efforts might not be on the point. I think my efforts have two big problems. One is effort degree not good enough to jump to better environment. Two is direction of effort is not to escape environment, but keep finding things to learn due to FOMO.

In annual review of 2023 → 2024, slightly realized "don't blindly follow trend". But seems as long as I still stay in original environment, writing code at work every day, thinking of ways to improve myself after work in anxious state, will forever stay at "knowing", but "can't do".

Thank leafwind for sharing the golden sentence, "Not getting rid of terrible environment, continuing to study to enhance ability, will only get more tiring work. So studying in extra time can only be for leaving terrible environment".

This also reminds me of blood test before going abroad. Only then knew my body lacks Vitamin D. But health supplements I ate in this half year were Vitamin B and C. This feeling of futility is like my career in these few years.

Don't know if I will continue to go back to write code, but just continue to observe and try in these two years!

Haven't Started Working

Since this trip was arranged very suddenly. Decided on 5/25, resigned on 6/30, ended lease on 7/03, departed on 7/08.

So I only started to look up information and find job after arriving in Australia. Also thank friend for letting me stay, so I can spend the first week more relaxedly. I was also very lucky to bring everything needed (rather brought too much).

My original plan was buying a second-hand car first, then find job, finally find accommodation based on job.

It is really inconvenient without a car in Australia. And second-hand cars here can buy quite good ones around 100k TWD. Almost can sell to other backpackers at original price before leaving. So decided resolutely to buy a car.

But Australia's regulations on driving license and vehicle transfer are different in each state. I probably checked for two afternoons to figure out what to do.

International driving license issued by Taiwan supervision office is useless. Need English driving license translated by NATTI matching Taiwan driving license to use here. I asked Watson and A-Xi, this WH self-media to help me translate online.

Gold Coast where I stay currently is in Queensland. Queensland needs CRN (Customer Reference Number) to complete vehicle transfer. I have to run to local supervision station (TMR), and provide "passport, two bank cards with name (can be Taiwan's) and proof of address".

Proof of address needs lease or utility bill etc. other documents with my name, to prove I live in Queensland. So buying car has to wait after I rent house myself.

I am not sure what type I will do, where to do. Therefore dare not to rent house rashly. I still have time for second visa after coming back from Japan. So might find some hard labor or remote work that can collect visa days to do for 88 days to qualify for second visa first. During this period also look up information, know more people, see what can do.

Miscellaneous Thoughts on Australia

Finally still use to share interesting discoveries in Australia currently!

1. Australia is really huge. Still feel huge after mental preparation.
2. Weather is really good. Big sun every day. And not many high-rise buildings in Gold Coast. Always can see blue sky.
3. Australians like small talk very much. Passers-by or staff starting move is "Hey, How is going?".
4. People on road have super many tattoos. And tattooed areas are very large. Many people with neck and limbs covered with tattoos. But not like Taiwan's full arm tattoo that will be colored. Just all black or dark tattoos.
5. People met currently are all friendly (clerks, supervision station, bank). Really just dare to speak, trying to convey, they will try their best to understand my meaning. Speaking English here will become more and more confident. Won't worry about accent and intonation. Because there are all kinds of races (many Indians). Basically as long as can communicate.
6. Australian English has super many abbreviations! Like afternoon is arvo, registration becomes rego.
7. Part of Gold Coast matching its name is BroadBeach and Surfers Paradise, these two big beaches. Usually still a bunch of trees on road. Then super many amusement parks!
8. Super many people told me to be careful of Taiwanese. Almost every friend who has been to Australia told me so. Employers would be black-hearted. Landlords would have high proportion of bad landlords. Others include being cheated of money etc. Current thought is can't let down guard just because fellow countrymen.
9. Traffic heaven. Cars seeing me preparing to wait for road, will stop directly. Cars in both directions will! Then traffic lights are all button pressed by self.
10. Here also has shared bikes, called Lime. But super expensive! Almost 500 TWD for half an hour.
11. Eating out is really expensive. Eating roughly full also needs 20 AUD (about 400 TWD). Drinks are also expensive. Average almost 200 TWD. So I formed habit of drinking effervescent tablets this week.
12. Thai, Chinese and Japanese cuisines are quite a lot. Daily food seems to be burgers and seafood. Ate for a week feel Taiwan's eating out wins completely.
13. SouthPort has a Hechalou. Taste same as Taiwan. Clerk is also Taiwanese.
14. Many delicious milkshakes here! I like milkshakes super much! Krispy Kreme here even has milkshake that throws desired donut directly in to blend!

That's it for now! Share again if have thoughts later. Not necessarily have second week XD

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Originally hoped to have one article per month, but articles for April and May were written as a first draft and never published.

However, Atomic Habits says "The first mistake is never the one that ruins you. It is the spiral of repeated mistakes that follows." Before June ends, I have to hurry up and publish! (Those two articles I wrote are about "Happiness" and "Honesty". I will try to finish editing and publish them soon.)

This article will share a major change in my life — Leaving Taiwan for two years temporarily.

Current plan is working holiday in Australia for one year, then working holiday in Japan for one year.

Finally Took That Step

I have always wanted to go abroad. Envied many friends going for exchange during university. Met many seniors working abroad after switching to software engineer. Only slowly felt that I might be able to do it too.

Initially wanted to go to Japan because I yearn for Japanese culture, climate and living environment. I also like listening to JPop very much. Close to Taiwan. Also already have many friends there etc.

I interviewed with Rakuten Japan on 2021/05/26. Unfortunately failed at the last stage. The reason should be unstable frontend basic knowledge and unable to understand Indian English (Interview with Russian in the first stage was not bad).

After that, I continued to stay in Taiwan, changed three jobs again. Kept talking about going abroad. Also consciously adjusted in life (reduced luggage, sold scooter, avoided entering a relationship). But I just didn't take that step.

There were factors of the pandemic in between, but mainly because of my self-limitation and procrastination. Like accumulating more skills in Taiwan first, wanting to switch to backend, mistakenly believing in groups that claimed to grow together, wanting to learn Japanese better, afraid of being frozen if interview failed, and a bunch of other things suddenly popped up feeling need to do (like submitting script competition etc.).

But what I should have done all along was "take that step", like polishing resume, applying widely, mock interviewing, then adjusting based on results and feedback of each interview etc.

After experiencing outsourcing company, closed startup, one-stop (frontend, backend, PM, customer service) position successively, originally planned not to look for Taiwanese companies anymore. But happened that a friend referred to current company (will be former company by end of month). Found they have an office in Japan. Also added a Japanese interview stage during interview. Went to Japan to work for two weeks after joining. Felt very close to "working in Japan"...!

Then, there was no then.

At the same time, I had a friend who took working holiday visa to Japan last year, and successfully switched to formal work visa before visa expired, working as backend engineer.

His success encouraged me. I know everyone's situation is different, but I am also almost unable to apply for working holiday. Applying doesn't mean must go. Why not get the visa first then think about whether to go.

Decided to Go to Australia Temporarily

I applied for Japanese working holiday visa at the end of April. Originally planned to stay in Taiwan until November when rental contract expires then depart.

The opportunity to want to go to Australia was because a former colleague just came back from Australian working holiday. Wanted to ask her some experiences with "working holiday" as the main theme. But chatting and chatting suddenly realized I have never been out of Asia. I only went to Thailand once, then all went to Japan.

Also thought of a good friend studying there for short term. I suddenly realized Australia is also an option.

And my ideal plan is to successfully switch to work visa during working holiday in Japan. If successful I will stay in Japan. Felt a bit pity not going out to see other places. Seems unnecessary to limit myself so early.

In these two months waiting for Japanese visa, there were also some changes in work, life and relationship. The final push was Australian working holiday visa is too convenient. Can apply online anytime. Quota is also unlimited. I just filled in online, applied for financial proof then medical examination and it was done.

I applied on my birthday 5/26, medical exam on 5/30, visa came down on 6/06.

Checked later, Japanese working holiday visa needs to be collected within half a year (2025/06/23~2025/12/19), and go within one year during visa collection period (2026/06/23). Calculated from landing in Japan. So I actually can collect before going to Australia in July, then go to Japan before next July. Can refer to official website 2025 Working Holiday Visa First Phase Successful Applicants Announcement.

I resigned on the day Australian working holiday visa came down. Then contacted landlord to terminate contract early, booked flight ticket, contacted local friends.

Why Want to Go Abroad So Much

Labor Environment and Software Career Bottleneck

In the review of 2024 -> 2025 at the beginning of this year, I started to slowly think about "What else can I do besides being an engineer".

I switched to software engineer in April 2019, six years so far. I don't know if there is an end to anxiety about career future and days writing code on holidays.

Suffered from imposter syndrome in the first three years. In the latter three years AI rose and digesting excessive manpower recruited during pandemic, software engineers entered winter, and don't see signs of improvement.

Taiwan's labor environment and software industry development are not very good either. I have changed four jobs currently. Although salary continued to rise, I kept repeating the special leave system of "three days after half a year, seven days after one year". If not for partially remote system, I really feel life is filled by work to the point of suffocation.

If work itself is challenging or growing then fine, but the fact is, companies I stayed in couldn't provide me growth space. Even if interviewed some difficult questions, subsequently went in doing some basic things. Causing me must continue to write code after work in weekdays and holidays. Have to study to continue surviving in the industry.

I slowly can't see the next step in Taiwan. Choices and development of pure software in Taiwan are limited. Feel most resources are still poured into hardware industry.

Companies I stayed in and know currently also don't care much about frontend. And UIUX industry is even worse in Taiwan. So I don't even have much experience cooperating with UIUX designers. Instead often cooperate with graphic designers pulled in to do UI.

Career so far, I haven't made a product I identify with. Maybe I should put down the need for identity with work. Work is just for money. But with Taiwan's high working hours and low vacation hours, I feel it's hard for me to distance from work.

I still want to continuously have sense of achievement at work, instead of only being pushed forward by anxiety.

Maybe I am not good at finding jobs, but this is my personal feeling of writing software in Taiwan.

Original Family and Housing Justice

But compared to work, more important factors are "Original Family" and "Housing Justice".

After my parents divorced neither wanted to take me. So lived in grandma's place since childhood. Followed uncle after grandma passed away in high school. Moved out to rent house by myself after graduating from university (But my uncle has always been very good to me).

After leaving this time, I won't have a place to live when I return to Taiwan in the future. Can only stay in hotels or friends' places during stay.

I rented 8 places in Taipei myself. Including moving around with relatives total 13 times.

I feel tenants in Taiwan are very vulnerable. Landlords freely enter and exit balcony, pile up their own debris without permission, don't repair air conditioner in summer, raise price and drive people away upon applying for rent subsidy. Illegal partitions and rooftop additions also occupy majority of rental market. Often don't even have a mailbox for receiving letters.

And size is very small. Suites almost can't cook.

I don't have my own home to go back to. Every time moving I even move graduation yearbooks of various periods together. Many memory type items I finally just took photos to keep. The body has to be thrown away.

I can't imagine days continuing to rent in Taiwan. And I don't want to join this morbid real estate market in Taiwan.

Unable to Feel the Good of Taiwan

Besides, also traffic environment never improves despite scolding. JPop concerts always have terrible organizers. Many groups and self-media claiming self-growth end up manufacturing anxiety and selling courses. Not to mention enemy country always aiming missiles at Taiwan and messy politics of KMT, TPP and their supporters.

Looking at these predicaments, I feel I am becoming more and more negative. And negative energy I spread might also affect people around who want to work hard on this land. I don't like myself like this. I want to inject some different energy into myself.

Because I know Taiwan also has many advantages. Good public security. Things left on table won't be stolen. Lost items will be sent to police station. Won't be afraid walking on road at midnight. Convenient eating out. High coverage of convenience stores. Convenient seeing doctors. High administrative efficiency. Beautiful eastern landscape. Legalization of same-sex marriage. Cheap movies. Also received help from many people here. (But I observed many conveniences are actually obtained through exploiting labor.)

I want to go out for a trip. I want to really experience good and bad of other places and other industries. Maybe I can rediscover how good Taiwan is.

Unease Before Departure

The price of leaving is the huge uncertainty coming face to face.

I am actually quite afraid this trip will fail. But what is the definition of "failure"?

Failure might be unable to find job locally and return to Taiwan? Have bad experience locally? Can't find job after coming back?

I am afraid failing going out, does it mean I will "succeed" staying? No, current life can't be said happy. Even can be said very anxious. I am very sure continuing to stay in Taiwan I will only become walking dead. Chronic suicide mentally.

My life before this followed a conveyor belt. Taking university entrance exam on time. Started working before graduation. Going out this time means my career and savings will pause accumulating. But I do need to press pause to go out and see.

Me one year ago definitely couldn't make up mind to interrupt my career. But I don't have much nostalgia for software career now. Continuing to do software in Taiwan, common situation is constantly being expanded functions. Forced to do everything. Then becoming harder to find next one.

This is my first time resigning without a job lined up. Experienced the feeling of no salary coming in starting next month for the first time.

But only slowly discovered after counseling, in mentally unhealthy state, there will be many revenge spending. So even if I earn seemingly more now, actually not much left.

I often wanted to escape some things in Taiwan when going to Japan. Went to Tokyo this March just wanted to escape suffocation of Taipei. Reason for going to Japan for remote work before was wanting to stay away from roommates at that time.

For this I took a loan to increase some confidence. After all, it's hard to have conditions for loan after interrupting career like this. Besides coping with emergencies in these two years, can also do some allocation.

I am definitely further from FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early). But if can't really pass levels in front of eyes, don't need to think about things so far in future.

Finally I also really realized I am leaving my friends. Although I don't have family support, I always received help from many friends in Taiwan. Like I no longer have home in Taiwan, but friends are willing to let me store luggage I can't take away (yearbook, souvenirs, clothes etc.).

I used to think I was very independent. Now realized people flying out alone are truly independent. After all, difficulties encountered abroad mostly have to be solved by oneself.

I also worry English is not good enough. Or office sitting too long unable to adapt to physical work. But just go out and try then will know result!

Expectations for These Two Years

I don't preset must earn money in these two years. Breaking even might be good enough.

I mainly want to find different life rhythm. Know all kinds of people more. Understand various possibilities. See what else I can possibly do besides writing code.

Besides working part-time, I also want to write well or create in a broad sense. In these years of working, I think I didn't have margin in time and psychology to write. I tried to make margin for myself since 2023. But so far I feel progress is difficult. Possibly this is also an excuse. But if these two years I also can't continue writing, I think I just don't love enough nor suitable for writing.

I won't only write newsletter and blog. I have other writing projects want to challenge.

I am very pessimistic about my own software career. But I am also thinking maybe just against Taiwan's software industry and products. So want to continue participating in some open source projects. Might be projects in Apache Foundation. I want to write something I think meaningful, valuable, challenging and has future.

Finally, I still think Taiwan is a great place. But me at current stage don't have ability to appreciate. Hope I can rediscover beauty of Taiwan abroad. If not, I will also find a place relatively like more.

This trip was arranged very hurriedly. Directly advanced plan by half a year. And have to depart within a month. Work and residence have to be dealt with. Also did LASIK before leaving.

I can act so decisively and quickly. Maybe I have dragged for a long time. Always gave myself too many reasons. This feeling really like a friend living abroad for years shared with me before. Some major decisions want to make but dare not to make have to be "fast enough that make oneself can't react". (And I found my dad would bring his whole family back from China the day after I leave. I just happened to avoid them. This is a good omen!)

Above expectations sound very beautiful. But expectations of course have to be beautiful. My experience is there will be quite a few accidents and twists appearing. Really look forward to what future self will look like. Coming back to see my current imagination will have what feelings.

Thank everyone for reading here. Also thank people who helped me during preparation for departure. Wish my trip go smoothly!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

This is an article mixing travelogue and recent mood.

Thought about the title for a long time. Just happened to read Taiyo Matsumoto's new work "Tokyo Higoro" (Tokyo Days) recently, decided to pay tribute in the title.

Went to Tokyo for a quick three-day trip at the beginning of the month. Because after Aimer's Asian tour ended last June, followed the atmosphere and immediately drew tickets for this year's Tokyo tour in March.

But as the date got closer, I wanted to go out less and less. Mainly because too many trivial matters to deal with in daily life and too many uncertain situations emerged. Thoughts were occupied. I didn't even have margin to arrange itinerary.

After struggling for a while, decided to arrange a three-day quick trip to Tokyo. Until the day of departure, I was still holding vexing things, always worrying about a bunch of things not done yet.

Result was after coming here found out how much I needed these three days.

Vast Sky and Ocean

Leaving original environment for a bit, don't need too much, just three days, can get rid of foul atmosphere shrouding me. Coming for this feels like instantly sober and pupils dilated after taking a cold shower.

I just discovered I haven't opened my eyes properly recently, only maintaining state of being able to see. Jaw was also clenched tightly all the time. After relaxing here found both sides of chin very sore.

Since I didn't bring computer, many things couldn't be handled. So I was liberated from urgency of jumping to handle problems immediately upon encountering them.

Since I started working, haven't left computer for more than two days. Whether going abroad or domestic travel, if more than one day I will bring computer. Even if I might not be using it, as long as carrying computer I will feel at ease.

Thinking now, that was not sense of security, but close to sense of fear. I worried as long as I didn't hold computer, I would be unable to handle any possible accidents.

didn't bring computer this time only to find, actually many things are not so urgent, or not necessarily have to be me.

Steps on the road in these three days became very light, because didn't carry macbook weighing nearly three kilograms.

After returning to hotel can also go to sleep directly after washing. Because can't open computer to use anymore. Actually not necessarily have things to handle, but as long as computer is opened there are infinite things can do. Can check email, scroll social media, read some unfinished articles, write a little code. Most afraid is falling into any stage, like seeing someone responded to my committed code on github, seeing issues want to discuss (quarrel) on social media etc.

Maybe reason as software engineer, without computer makes me feel like a person without ability. But exactly because of this incompetent state, I can detach to look at life again.

I withdrew from problem after problem to be handled. Moved sight away from those problems. I looked forward, upward, left, right. Suddenly a doubt arose in heart, "Does scenery around always extend infinitely to distance like this? Does sky always have no end like this?"

Remembered a novel "Elegant Yokai Apartment Life" read in junior high school. Protagonist moved into apartment where humans and yokai live together after life encountered huge change. Inside there is a character Mr. Ryu admired by everyone. When protagonist was working part-time crazily, studying and trying hard to change current life, Mr. Ryu said "Your life is still very long, world is also incomparably broad, relax a little".

This plain and simple sentence, I remembered until now. On the road of Tokyo, this sentence also emerged in my heart several times.

After returning to Taiwan, my life didn't change much. Things and problems annoying me before leaving were not solved either. But I didn't feel that cloud shrouding feeling before going out anymore. I possess another way to look at these problems. I can also choose to push aside those clouds shrouding me. Maybe wait until I can't push aside again next time, it is time to give myself another three days.

Tsubame-yu

Although I consider myself not afraid of cold, still couldn't bear Tokyo temperature of only one degree felt once getting off plane. So immediately started to check if there is bathhouse open in morning after exiting customs. Later found "Tsubame-yu" located in Ueno.

Quite surprised when entering. Because very similar to bathhouse protagonist goes to daily in movie "Perfect Days". Later also found this is Japanese registered tangible cultural property.

Process of bathing is putting shoes at entrance, taking corresponding number tag to enter. Once opening door can see entire bathhouse. There is a 180-degree counter inside collecting entrance fee. Like a small observation tower can directly see male and female baths. When I went in it was an auntie, but heard sometimes it will be an uncle.

Basically won't have any greeting and introduction. Although saw many tourism articles writing about this bathhouse, here needs to be able to communicate in Japanese better to come.

There are also many regular customers inside. On top of storage area also many washbasins put by regular customers, with their towels and bathing equipment on top.

Also saw combination of suspected sports class students and teacher coming in to bathe.

I also accidentally used soap of an uncle. Luckily he very kindly taught me how to get stool and body wash.

Maybe also inspired by same movie, felt very calm feeling here. Washing body, entering bath, doing nothing, just existing there.

Hachinoki

A very Japanese style hot pot / sukiyaki (nonsense here is Japan). Quite delicious but portion not large.

Traveling alone sometimes feel a bit awkward to eat yakiniku or sukiyaki. But clerk didn't say anything when filling one person during reservation at door. Later also very kindly led me to seat. Let me sit at four-person seat alone. Clerk seeing my foreign face also kindly introduced how to eat (but I actually didn't understand, later still cooked randomly).

Heard clerk chatting with a regular customer in Chinese when paying bill. Heard accent felt like Taiwanese. But I didn't summon courage to speak Chinese with her. Later still used Japanese to communicate with her.

Oyokogawa Water Park Kawazu Sakura

Came to Japan many times. First time seeing cherry blossoms in full bloom.

Flowering period of cherry blossoms is really hard to guess. But happened to see friend in Tokyo shared cherry blossom viewing spot. Also happened Ginza sony park I originally wanted to go wasn't reserved. Also happened to be very close to Tokyo Garden Theater where I wanted to watch concert. Just like this under multiple coincidences, successfully viewed cherry blossoms in early spring of early March.

I am a person not very good at taking photos can take such photos. Shows really very beautiful.

By the way promote her IG travel account: Q です 🙋🏻‍♀️ ｜日本走跳生活分享 🇯🇵

Friends

This paragraph was not written when sending newsletter. Hesitated for a night still wrote in. Felt still want to record briefly.

Found two friends just went to Tokyo very temporarily this time. One holding student visa, one holding work visa. Met them to chat about thoughts staying in Tokyo for a few months. Feedbacks got were all positive. One preparing to start studying spatial design. One already found job ready to switch to formal work visa when I was writing article. Really feel happy for them. Seeing people with same goal (going to Japan) realizing one after another, also encouraged myself. Hope I can also follow their steps in near future.

Thank one of them took me to eat beef tongue in Shinjuku. Another accompanied me to check in cafe in Shibuya, stroll Tower Records and "Konno Hachimangu Shrine" in Shibuya city.

Even earlier when went to Tokyo chatted with some friends already lived there for several years. Their lives in Tokyo are becoming more and more stable. Already started permanent residence process. Originally very afraid I will have no friends going to Japan later. But I think currently already have these people as guarantee. Maybe don't need to worry so much!

Aimer

Finally chat about reason for this quick trip.

I really like atmosphere of Japanese concerts. Especially Japan tours will design themes. Venue layout, lighting and song selection are all related to theme. This is hard to experience in Taiwan. But also some singers coming to Taiwan unexpectedly show another side also like very much.

Aimer's theme this time "Michelieu" (Waning and Waxing of Moon). Main visual revolves around moon phase. Huge moon and starry sky projection behind. Moon will wax and wane.

Very touched listening to MC this time. Although now only verify remember to live on to meet again. But many people around me heard crying.

Excerpt a little note seen on social media:

"Moon Shadow" is song made for this tour.

"Sign" whenever hearing this song again, please remember today's performance, is our promise.

"Grace Note" we came to this world alone, will also leave alone. But this is absolutely not a bad thing. Exactly because of music let us gather together.

I think, being able to hear these warm songs live, staying with fans who also appreciate such warm songs together, this trip is worth it.

Acknowledgements

Thank Jo, Hsuan, Ning for helping read first draft of article and giving feedback, and min, YA-Xuan and Hyuanverse.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

The annual review was accidentally dragged to February again, missing the time after New Year's Day. Originally hoped to write it during the Spring Festival, after all, there was a long holiday at that time. But facts proved that instead of coveting more time, it is better to act quickly. Once the idea of "can do it later" appears, it will be dragged on forever.

Since last year's review received some feedback, I also want to have good feedback when writing this year. The writing mindset mixed with some impurities, but then I thought about how last year went is a foregone conclusion. My responsibility now is to sort it out properly, take a snapshot of the 2024 me, and give it to the future me.

I want to be as true to myself as possible, have a clear conscience about my words, and follow the expectation of writing the review last year "Down-to-earth, not vanity".

A year where the spring loosened

Looking back, whether it was the first sales job, career change, or changing jobs, every time was sprinting with the spring tight, but in 2024 the spring suddenly loosened.

I still have many things I want to do —— Japanese is not good enough for work, there are still many technologies to learn, weight is still overweight, writing is too little, still far from dreams, etc. Clearly there are so many things, but I can't lift my spirits.

In 2024, I changed to the fifth company, and the fourth as a software engineer. In Reviewing my first three years as a software engineer, I mentioned that I spent three years approving myself to call myself a software engineer.

Two years later today, I finally affirmed my "ability" as a software engineer. The recent two jobs have many technologies I didn't know originally, but I picked them up quickly after joining (thanks to AI help). I also gained the trust of colleagues and supervisors. Naturally, as a reasonably reliable software engineer, the imposter from the beginning has completely disappeared.

Drew a line with family members who always asked for money, also got a raise and benefited from the boom in Taiwan stocks, financially having more margin than the year before last.

Went to Japan once in March and October respectively (Mie Prefecture Wakayama, Tokyo star-chasing trip), experienced the Japanese office, also attended many concerts, watched many great works, such as Arcane and Dandadan.

Overall, 2024 gave me a feeling of crossing the storm circle to the eye of the typhoon, suddenly calm around, and I suddenly relaxed.

Can I really rest?

Comparing with " Expectations for 2024 " written in last year's review, besides room for improvement in work, I gained more margin in finance, and indeed focused on myself in interpersonal relationships.

Being able to rest in 2024, isn't it the proof of "getting more margin"? So I don't think I need to be too harsh on myself, treat "being able to rest" as proof of growth.

My Insights This Year

Find my own passion, dive in boldly

I want to find things I want to seriously invest in and can safely throw a lot of time into.

I have made quite a few attempts, and thought I had found it, but that was just naivety, because I didn't have a deep understanding of those things.

After I started doing those things, I found I had to invest too much time. Thinking of an interpretation I saw before about "talent" is "Your talent exists in those things you can do tirelessly".

I still can't dive into things I thought were passions without scruples. I haven't thought clearly yet, so I am investing with a half-hearted attitude, and naturally got half-hearted results.

Speaking of writing, I want to write a lot of things, but sitting at the desk for three hours found that I only produced a little bit, or worked hard for a day to finish writing and publish it but found little feedback, or some topics just need time to research and cultivate, not something that can be finished in a week or two enthusiastically.

In these moments, I would think, do I really want to invest such a large amount of time? The result is always hesitating or doing other things with short-term results, and just letting time pass like this.

Not just measured by money

Besides time, I often subconsciously use "can it make money" as a basis for doing something. Last year when I saw the article Formula killed interest, I had a rude awakening. I found that when chatting with friends about things I wanted to do, the most frequently asked question was not details, but "Can that make money?". What makes me sadder is that I am often the one asking that question.

The article mentioned "As long as your interest cannot make money, it cannot make it to the hall of elegance of elders" and "As long as you spend a little time on your own interest, you will be cast envious looks of 'so luxurious' by peers, because that does not exist in most people's lives and is hard to get resonance and response from others", which also truly happened in my life. I went to concerts very often last year, and often heard "You must have spent a lot listening to so many concerts? Merchandise is expensive right". After reading this article, I consciously changed the way I interact with friends and reduced getting along with some friends who are very good at triggering money anxiety, hoping to create more interactions mentioned in the article "The speaker talks with relish, the listener also expands a little more expectation for different life appearances, that is an interaction where both parties' eyes light up".

And the loosened spring made me unexpectedly realize that I don't need to be afraid of investing time. Even if I don't invest, time will slip away unknowingly. And if I want to do A at the moment, but feel I should do B in my heart, I usually end up doing neither, inner entanglement while slacking off.

In that case, might as well dive boldly into things I want to do at the moment.

The premise of finding passion is also to be willing to invest first. I will spend more time in 2025 investing in things I think of now.

Remembering the inspiration from the interview of Satoru Noda, the author of "Golden Kamuy", after finishing the series. His answer to derivative works was "Life is short, works that can be left are few. Now I always put what I want to draw as the first priority, drawing with the mood that this might be my last work".

I hope I can dive in boldly with this attitude, and have no regrets about my choice.

Take my body seriously

Humans are just a kind of creature after all, physiological and psychological influences are very direct.

Last year after work, I often ate dinner casually (Taiwanese bento, various noodles, etc.), resulting in bloating due to excessive intake of starch or processed products. My brain was also sluggish during digestion, and ended the day in a muddle.

After trying to prepare by myself and increasing the amount of protein and vegetables, the spirit improved significantly. I didn't feel groggy after eating. Compared to satisfying momentary appetite, I want this clear state more.

Last year due to moving and changing jobs, after canceling the contract with the familiar gym, I didn't exercise as often. Sitting in front of the computer desk for a long time started to cause muscle soreness again.

Going for massage and physical therapy didn't improve much. It improved a lot after recovering some basic training. Deeply realized "Prevention is better than cure". Regular exercise can properly "prevent" the occupational hazard of engineers sitting for a long time. Not moving the body is just treating the symptoms but not the root cause.

Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous

Currently, many articles written are empty thoughts by myself. But without absorbing new knowledge, there will be no progress. Many things should have been thought by others earlier and deeper and more comprehensively. I want to stand on their shoulders and look forward.

For example, "Notes of Giants" has many recording mindsets and methods that are helpful to a recording maniac like me. "The Guide to Non-fiction Writing" I am reading recently also provides me with different ideas on writing.

Hope to absorb more information (not limited to reading books) in 2025. Outputting after absorbing will also be easier.

Things Completed This Year

1. Solo travel to Japanese countryside (Wakayama, Mie Prefecture, Kumano Kodo, Urashima Hotel)

   Been to Japan many times, but most satisfied this time. Hot springs, mountain climbing, sea watching, visiting nature, World Heritage (Kumano Kodo). This is my ideal travel. Walking around like this really feels body, mind and spirit relaxing. Sincerely recommend.

2. First time listening to a concert in Japan

3. Met Airi Suzuki, participated in handover event and Live

   In some fragile moments in life in previous years, it was the figure of Airi Suzuki working hard and shining that supported me. Being able to walk in front of her to talk to her or participate in the LIVE video seen countless times brought me pure touching feelings.

4. First time picking up at the airport (milet Asia tour Taipei stop)

   Went to the scene and found many familiar faces, miles (milet fans' name). It's nice to gather together for things we like.

5. First tattoo

   Tattooed the "Courage" and "Hope" crests from Digimon Adventure first generation. Encouraging myself that taking the first step requires "Courage", taking the next step requires "Hope".

6. More practical experience and understanding of WordPress, SEO, Cloudflare, AWS, Caching at work

7. Passed JLPT N2

   Felt that certificates are like this. Even after passing the second to last Japanese test, still feel my Japanese sucks.

8. Worked in Japan office for two weeks

   Lived for a month the year before last, experienced the feeling of commuting there last year. The imagination of living in Japan became more concrete, and found unexpectedly many friends in Japan. Temporarily not worried about having no friends in Japan XD.

9. Ended eight years of being single

Things Not Completed This Year

1. Stopped Japanese classes after June
2. Didn't read many books
3. Didn't make up CS and some knowledge I wanted to learn
4. Didn't maintain weight training habits
5. Didn't eat a balanced diet
6. Didn't write novels

Pain of This Year

1. Uncertainty about software career
2. Myself without fitness, writing, learning
3. Spent too much time on some pacifier entertainment
4. Terrible rental environment in Taipei
5. Listened to friends' stock tips twice, lost money both times. I ultimately cannot earn money beyond my cognition, let's do more homework first.

Expectations for 2025

Career

The general direction is still "Have more choices", but I hope to find my own passion.

When just entered the industry, the imagination of software engineer was "Longing for "Craftsmanship", free working mode and possibilities contained in software industry", but stumbling along found myself seemingly not smart enough and not hardworking enough. Just taking care of myself in the industry took all my strength.

Suffered from imposter syndrome in the first few years, later lost interest in my own work content, worried about Taiwan's software development. Felt no meaning in things I developed (like ERP in previous job, everyone didn't want to use it, I also did it painfully, just satisfying the boss's expectation), realized office politics often override technical development leading to inability to make good products, couldn't find products I really wanted to invest in on the market, etc.

So the mindset towards software engineer these few years has just been a means to make a living. Considerations for work are also whether it can help the next next job, is there a way to get a raise, how not to be eliminated.

But recently I was stimulated by a few friends also in the tech industry. They are very enthusiastic and have achieved results. People in past articles or interviews were far away from me, but some friends started to appear there, letting me see how doing things with passion can make people have such different appearances. I also want to move forward with that passion. I can continue to deceive myself that they have many resources I don't have (those friends are all in the US without exception), but I also know they work harder than me and have more passion than me. And I still have many things I can do. It's too early for me to lose passion now.

In addition, the timing of AI appearance is also just right for me. When I switched from frontend to full stack the year before last, ChatGPT just came out of nowhere. Thanks to this, I could quickly pick up Laravel which I had to write at that time. Changing jobs this time also benefited a lot from AI. Even now still very worried AI will replace me, but without AI I might have stopped being a software engineer earlier. Before AI replaces me, I can still go far enough through AI.

Talked a lot, specifically what I want to do in 2025 is

1. Become an Open Source Contributor, currently relying on friends and Source for You community help, fortunate to participate in Kafka.
2. Strive to broaden my software engineer career, not limiting myself to frontend.
3. Continue to learn from supervisors and colleagues in the current job, and also take care of non-technical aspects, such as business models and workplace interaction and sensitivity.
4. Slowly think about what else I can do besides writing code.

Finance: FIRE

Last year realized working to make money is redeeming one's freedom from society, financial freedom is the status of "redemption completed", thus contacted the concept of FIRE (Financial Independence, Retire Early).

According to FIRE setting 25 times annual expenditure as saving goal, with my current income and expenditure status, I can only save one more year of retirement money every year. Equivalent to working for one year, besides the current year, only bought back one more year. I pulled a spreadsheet, only then shocked to find that with pure savings, I would need 36 years to wait until 50 years old to retire in current state, and this is under the premise of not having children and buying a house.

Although always knew "Saving alone is really not retirement financial management", seeing the report deeply realized this cruel reality.

However, I added a variable to the table, which is monthly DCA, and assumed annual average compound interest of 10% (very optimistic), then there is a chance to save the FIRE amount at 51 years old without buying a house and having children. Although inflation, salary increase and expenditure changes have not been considered yet, after adjusting like this, I am less afraid. At least there is a direction to know how to adjust, not so powerless no matter how to plan.

2025 will track and adjust according to this table, will also find some people to ask for advice. Will publish another article to share after having more insights!

Interpersonal Relationships

Last year executed putting myself first very well. After cutting off contact with many people, I really lived better.

Sense of Distance

Some people need decluttering, but most friends just need to keep a distance.

"Ikoku Nikki" is a work about novelist Makio living with her deceased sister's child Asa. When talking about sister/mother, Makio said "Asa, you absolutely cannot understand, how angry and breathless I was when facing her, just like I cannot understand your anxiety and loneliness, because you and I are two completely different people".

I am not that extreme, but I started to agree that people cannot understand each other on many things. Mostly just check in with the overlapping fields.

Like star-chasing friends have different ideas on gender issues from me, friends in the same industry differ in ideology from me. Sometimes forcing the other party to understand and accept is very difficult and unnecessary. At this time, actually maintaining a certain distance is fine. Only really compatible friends can jump out of the overlapping fields to become best friends. Like chasing stars together at first, but later became talking about everything.

Previously just too unskilled at grasping this sense of distance, so getting closer made me want to distance more. After seeing some people after a long time (former club friends, former classmates), still found it nice to keep in touch.

2025 continue to practice maintaining appropriate distance with friends.

Entering a Relationship

I finally ended eight years of being single.

Always wanted a girlfriend before, but felt previous states were unstable or didn't meet the right person. Slowly learned to get along with myself and didn't pursue a relationship so much, then met her.

Previously would definitely want to post on social media (actually just IG), but decided not to specially publish on it after thinking for a long time. I want to introduce her to my friends face to face or through private messages, letting them feel this matter firsthand. As for some old friends who have been following me on IG, just like wrote last year about not wanting to account to others anymore, I just want friends who really care about me (and people willing to read here) to know.

Hope to become better together with her company in 2025. The first challenge we have to face is I want to work abroad and she doesn't. But when love comes, it can't be stopped. Ensured she knew my future plan when we got together, and she still supports me going to Japan for work in the future, so let's see as we go. Cherish every day together first, hope no regrets for each other no matter what in the future.

Written at the end: Take care of myself first

The idea of exerting influence is unchanged from last year, but this year felt before that, must find a way to take care of myself first.

Before thinking about exerting influence, must also put enough attention on myself, so as not to put the cart before the horse.

But no matter which side, writing is the best method thought of so far. Wrote only five articles including review in 2024. 2025 must write more than last year at least!

Thank you to everyone who saw this. Everyone stay well in 2025.

If there are any thoughts to exchange with me, welcome to contact me through any way!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Preface

Every accident allows me to break away from the habitual state, look at the present with a relatively detached state, and realize what aspects of the current state I am unsatisfied or satisfied with. Like losing my phone abroad before, and this time my Facebook being suspended, both made me think a lot.

Meta's Warningless Suspension

On 2024/12/27, my Facebook was logged out, showing this screen:

Just like that, no email sent to my account email, no email sent to my mailbox, and no explanation of which rule was violated. The account I used for more than ten years was suspended just like that.

Facebook's suspension is very tough:

• The account completely disappeared, cannot be searched, original friends can no longer find my account and related information
• Posted articles and photos all disappeared
• Articles and photos tagged will not have my account
• The most serious thing is some chat records, even the message text I sent in the chat room will disappear. Friends and people in the group can no longer know what we talked about in the past

I don't know the account ytmichael_enponomarev.83ererls. My IG and FB are not linked either, so I speculate this is a scam account. Don't know why it was linked to my FB account, and caused me to be suspended together.

And Facebook directly started counting down 180 days asking to prove innocence. When this article is published, only 172 days are left.

In the case of unable to log in to that IG account, the official didn't provide me with any means to recover. Have tried emailing appeals@fb.com, but heard it's useless.

Found another method is to send a physical letter to the US, will try later.

What Did I Lose After Losing My Facebook Account?

Facebook has a "Download File" button, but an error occurred, so probably no backup available.

I lost all past posts, photos, chat history, and groups.

My photos from elementary and junior high school were only on Facebook. Senior high school ones were on IG. Only in university did I have the concept of managing albums and backing up photos myself. The earliest in my backup photos is 2016/04, so basically lost photos before that. Can't reminisce photos from elementary and junior high school.

But compared to photos and articles from such a long time ago, the most regrettable is "connection".

There are many "weak ties" on Facebook. Former teachers, old friends and foreign friends all contacted via messenger. Even if re-register an account, it is difficult to find them back one by one. Like I met people from different countries when traveling in Japan. Honestly, I can't really spell their full names. Because having friends can search them. Must won't be able to find them after re-registering account.

Chat history is also quite regrettable. There are many people who slowly lost contact. Occasionally thinking of them would go see chat content from when we were close. Re-experiencing that time and space and us back then through those dialogues and texts. Now these are all gone.

Messages I sent will become like this (the gray background of the text box is not edited):

There is also a silver lining in misfortune that I don't have many services bound to Facebook login.

Comparison with IG Suspension Three Years Ago

Actually, on 2021/05/05, my IG account was also suspended without warning once.

At that time was still in a state of heavy addiction to IG. Unable to use IG had a great impact on me. Friends I mainly interacted with and life records were all on it.

Wrote at that time:

"This incident is a warning, letting me know that I should seek a healthier interaction mode with social media, like why use it etc. And in the situation where the official way of handling things is so not OK, how to let myself master more initiative, unlike this time having such strong sense of powerlessness. Current thought is important memories put on IG should at least have own backup. Not all but some that would be sad if lost can be backed up; friends hoping to keep in touch might also record."

After that, I did slowly master the distance from social media. The sense of powerlessness of account suddenly disappearing is still there, but I am not so panicked this time.

I can confirm that I can still contact important friends this time. And compared to managing a large amount but not profound relationships on social media, I also started to pay more attention to maintaining a few people I really value. This is also my lesson for 2024, to weed out the wicked and keep the pure in relationships.

At the same time, I also recognized more clearly what kind of people I want to get along with. In the fields I like (software development, writing, JPop, other issues...), can also find like-minded people. I feel this is enough at this stage.

It is a pity that I didn't learn a lesson on information backup. I didn't realize FB has so many things to backup. FB being suspended this time still caught me off guard.

How Easy It Is to Be Forgotten Without Social Media

I wonder if everyone has seen "Coco"?

This movie was released by Pixar in 2017, set against the background of Mexico's "Day of the Dead", telling a little boy who was not allowed to play music accidentally traveled to the world of the dead during this period, seeking help from musician ancestors in the world of the dead to return to the real world.

I really like this movie's interpretation of death: "The real death is that no one in the world remembers you anymore."

I have a feeling that leaving social media means being forgotten.

There is a group that meets irregularly (that chat room in the screenshot above). I was suspended a few days before a gathering happened. But a friend found why I didn't speak at all, then found I was not in the chat room, and words I said in the past also disappeared. Traces of my existence completely disappeared. He then hurriedly messaged my IG asking if my Facebook account disappeared.

Facebook's suspension method makes people disappear unknowingly, might not even notice in chat rooms.

Some friends use Facebook to organize events. If can't find my account, might miss inviting. If no one thinks of me, I won't receive notification.

This feeling of being disappeared and forgotten scares me.

How to Speak Out Without Social Media

This is another worry after being suspended.

Although Facebook is no longer the main platform, seeing some Facebook posts want to reply, or finding I can't when looking for someone to talk to on messenger, still have a feeling of being silenced.

Ironically, I can only use Meta's IG to find friends who used to contact via messenger.

Regarding this point, I don't have much thought yet. Maybe we have entered an era where we can't live without social media. If really want to say something, even if account is banned, can only quickly create another account back (or should prepare backup account usually). Efficiency of spreading information on social media with certain traffic is really much more effective than other methods.

Next Step

No longer trust social media to manage my content and account well. After all, have been deleted by Meta without warning twice (IG and Facebook once each).

But Taiwan's mainstream social media are Meta. And Twitter under Elon Musk's operation is not liked either. Hope Bluesky can rise.

Currently thinking of can start doing these:

Ensure Data Autonomy: Backup Text, Photos and Important Contacts

Given distrust of official, all content must be managed by myself, keep own digital footprint. I agree very much with Obsidian author's concept [File Over App] (https://stephango.com/file-over-app) regarding this part.

Past content saved using official backup function first. Found IG and Twitter's backup functions are actually okay. Will get a compressed file. Opening it will see a bunch of files, but there is an HTML entrance. Clicking it will be a list to browse various contents. (IG has start_here.html, Twitter is Your archive.html)

Try to write text in note software first, then extract from note software to post on social media, just like photos will be taken first, then select photos from album. (Current idea is casually record in Heptabase Journal)

Album uses Google Photos and additionally uses external hard drive for backup.

Establish Personal Relationship Management system. This title seems cool, but actually just regularly record who are important people around and want to keep in touch. Did organize once with Notion three years ago. Try Heptabase this time.

Actively Manage Information Sources

Shift from social feeds to RSS feed, newsletter, personal website, official blog, Discord Server and specific groups.

Last year saw Ya-Xuan sharing recommended websites (Personal Website List) and information sources. Want to follow suit to organize!

Formulate Social Media Usage Guidelines

Mainly used for:

1. Promotion, publicity
2. Soliciting opinions, asking things
3. Finding interest echo chamber (software development, writing, Japan, social issues, life feelings...)
4. Updating current situation with friends

Avoid:

1. Subconsciously killing time when bored
2. Talking past each other with people whose cognition is too different and don't want to understand
3. Seeking social validation

Focus on Building Small and Close Communities

Now thought of an approach is when have things want to share, not just posting on social media, but focus on finding some groups or communities to share directly with them.

Groups I currently have:

1. Brandon Sanderson's Discord group
2. milet's line group
3. Groups of junior high, university, former colleagues and former dance club best friends
4. Two writing groups

I want to focus on cultivating these communities, not just a single social media. Every time posting on social media feeling a bit boring when no response. And I increasingly found social media can't help me find too many echo chambers, nor can continue to cultivated certain connections deeply. Occasionally not using algorithm starts pushing randomly or lowering reach. And account might be banned by official (Facebook tragedy). Better find communities love early, communicate, share and support each other directly and closely inside.

Conclusion

Losing a Facebook makes me feel disappeared, making me feel might be too dependent on social media. I no longer want to pursue a lot of weak ties and numbers on social media, but want to maintain and solidify those real and warm connections. Maybe not entirely in real world, because like software development and some topics I am interested in, really don't meet much in real world. And also met quite a few warm netizens (mainly Twitter friends). So later will focus more on newsletter, personal website and some closer friends around. And hope can ensure myself can be contacted by them.

After ensuring these real connections, maybe losing social media won't be afraid of being forgotten, but a kind of purity.

For most people, as long as hidden or blocked in social media, will be forgotten because of other huge information flow. Might be thought of very occasionally. Frequency slowly decreases. Just slowly forgotten like this.

However, maybe being forgotten won't be anything. I was a bit panicked at first, but after writing out to sort out my thoughts like this, felt not so serious. Writing really can help reorganize train of thought.

Time is moving forward. Eventually there will be a large number of things disappeared or forgotten. Maybe important is not being forgotten by "others", but how "self" builds connection, lives profoundly.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

I originally wanted to write another article first, but I received a letter asking how to practice and reflect on "Draw Your Own Map" mentioned in 2023→ 2024, so I decided to write this one first.

I actually always wanted to write about this topic, but because the map and thinking method have been changing, or haven't crossed the hurdle in my heart, feeling that the idea could not be examined by others yet.

However, as mentioned in the "Qualification Theory" of the previous article "Some Unnecessary Wonders and Thoughts on Writing", I am just sharing "my" approach.

I also thought that even Marie Kondo of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up", if she no longer uses this set of organizing methods, it does not mean that others or people who read it later will not apply either. Everyone is just at a different stage.

Enlightenment from Atomic Habits

At first, when I read "Atomic Habits" for the first time in 2020, I was shocked to understand the concepts of "Goal-oriented Fallacy" and "Identity". Only then did I discover that I had always been blindly and hastily setting a bunch of "goals", and then using the results to define myself. Every time after achieving them, I would lose my goal and feel a little empty, and then rush to find the next goal to achieve.

And now adopt the "Identity" approach:

"Achievement of goals" is driven by identity. Just like shouting to go to the gym and extreme diet control to force yourself for losing weight, even if achieved, it often goes out of shape because of sudden relaxation, because the core identity has not changed. To have a healthy body, you must first let yourself generate an identity of knowing how to treat your body well to be lasting.

The preparatory work for drawing the map is also to clarify your identity first, iterate on this basis. will share my iteration records later.

If you are interested in "Atomic Habits", I have briefly written Re-understanding Habits — Book Summary of "Atomic Habits" (Part 1) before, so I won't repeat the concepts in the book here. In short, highly recommend this book!

How Drawing My Own Map Helped Me

Navigation for Daily Life

Just open it when free to remind myself where I want to go.

After investing in work or some goals for a while, will also be too focused on that matter and cannot jump out. At this time, looking at the map will also be very helpful. Can detach myself from the moment, see where I ultimately want to go, sometimes will be suddenly enlightened.

Basis for Making Choices, Courage to Give Up, Less Regret

There are occasionally unexpected opportunities or possibilities in life, but not every opportunity and chance is good.

In the past, I often devoted myself passionately to some things because I was invited, only to find later that it didn't fit my direction. Just blindly invested, whether immersed in the feeling of "doing something" or "being needed".

And regret is often feeling "I had a better choice", "If only back then...", but having a map of my own allows me to recognize in advance I would not choose that way no matter what, those choices are just not suitable for me.

Avoid Being Busy for Nothing

In the past, I often rushed to do things for the feeling of "doing something", but actually those things at hand may not be the most important things. Looking at the map can force myself to face "those truly important things".

Get Rid of Comparing Mentality a Bit

I no longer treat people around me as competitors.

Sometimes still fall into envy and jealousy, thinking why others are so fast. At this time, open the map, remind myself of the road I want to walk, others are also walking their roads.

Is This a Good Map?

How to know if this is a good map? Just look at if this map corresponds to the reason "Why draw it".

In the process of clarifying "Why", can know which parts need to be emphasized when doing it, and can also serve as a basis for commenting after drawing the map.

The reasons why I draw the map are those helps mentioned above. Can it become my "daily navigation"? Can it become my "basis for making choices"? Can it "avoid me being busy for nothing"?

Adjust the map step by step in the process of confirming these "Whys" one by one.

How Do I Draw the Map?

First, can think about your identity first. What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to become? What kind of things do you like? It doesn't matter if it's abstract.

Then I think there are three stages:

1. "Don't know anything"
2. "Know what I don't want"
3. "Know what I want"

I was in the "Don't know anything" stage within two years of entering society.

Since don't know anything, can conversely "do whatever encountered". quite grateful that I was quite willing to try at that time, like becoming a software engineer was completely an accident (I was from the Philosophy Department), for details can refer to "Reviewing My First Three Years as a Software Engineer".

In the process of trying, will slowly know "what I don't want", and then reduce the items needed to try. I consider myself extroverted and love interacting with people, but after becoming a salesperson, discovered that my social energy also has an upper limit, occasionally like to lock myself up to do things.

There is still a long distance between "knowing what I don't want" and "knowing what I want", so I start from "Identity" to try. I can't be completely sure that I know what I want now either, I think few people can, but I have narrowed down a lot of scope. Currently there are a few key points want to cultivate deeply, writing is one of them.

In addition, besides trying by yourself, can also ask seniors for opinions before trying. Can think about questions to ask following your identity, let yourself imagine if want to be like that through their experience.

My Map Version Records

Too wordy, let's look at my map version records directly! But previous maps can just take a look, now have changed to minimalist style.

2019~2022

I gave myself these identities "Creator", "Changer", "Strong Person", "Adventurer", "Person Surrounded by People". Counted as a most abstract appearance I want to become (a bit childish but I like it).

And besides Atomic Habits, I also contacted OKR (Objectives and Key Results) management method. This is a set of objective management methods, focusing on thinking about what Key Results can be achieved to achieve Objective, and each Key Result can also be a sub-objective and have its own Key Results to achieve.

Although Atomic Habits mentioned the fallacy of "Goal-oriented", I let "Identity" be the top-level Objective, became reaching what Key Results can become that kind of person. This was a compromise when couldn't completely give up Goal-oriented at that time.

Then I will divide according to time dimension, from "OKR of Life" to "OKR of Year" then to Quarter Month Week Day.

"OKR of Life" is based on identity, what things I might achieve in my life:

"OKR of Year" is extending downwards, what things I might do this year, taking "Become a great engineer" as an example:

Quarter Month Week Day OKR and so on.

Looking back now feel it was really too extreme. Schedule detailed to half-hour unit was really too extreme. Even cleaning the house and gathering I would set time and timing. Later found time was spent on adjusting schedule and planning, instead of "really doing things".

Like setting gathering for two hours, then programming for one and a half hours, but if gathering delayed, have to adjust programming time later. If too late have to find what time can do this week, then dragged to next week's things and started adjusting next week's, then adjusting this month's...

Besides planning method having problems, there were also many psychological problems dealing with, like not good at rejecting causing not leaving much time for myself, tending to escape when encountering difficulties etc.

2023

Realizing it won't work being so tight, I readjusted a version. This version is not so rigorous. I gave up OKR method. Recall now might be based on "want to manage myself as a company", but I am a person, I should treat myself in a "human" way.

This stage set "Identity → Vision → Milestone → Small Task", still a bit shadow of OKR, but I pulled away the "Time" dimension. As I slightly changed my "Identity" and internalized it, after three or four years of precipitation felt I indeed want to become that kind of person, considerations for doing things can also use those identities to help me navigate and make choices, and less likely to FOMO and follow the trend, have a baseline to give up some things.

This map was iterated away very quickly, mainly credited to "Counseling".

When discussing with counselor, found this map is an "Anxiety List". Listing these things out won't miraculously achieve, and I can always only finish a small part, other parts are what I haven't done.

Then counselor also let me know through some very key questions that my expectations for myself have many unrealistic places.

I planned so extremely, partly because I have an imperfect, not matching imagination, incapable self in my heart, and I always wanted to reject him, so I catalyzed these goals, hoping to stay away from him.

2023~2024

Now is minimalist. Basically only "Identity" and more specific topics, because most have already been internalized. I only need some general directions instead of a pile of details. According to several experiences, many details will be naturally discovered when I do them. Listing too detailed beforehand just makes myself unable to move.

I also largely got rid of inferiority and Imposter Syndrome. What I need is to believe in myself and then do it.

Current Situation and Reflection

Seeing my map this year so simplified, some people might feel contradictory. Isn't it about drawing your own map? How come there are only a few points? Can this count as a map?

But after these years I found many intermediate points I originally thought must be achieved, even if not achieved is fine. Just like won't be not a good software engineer just because using fewer languages or packages. This simplified map is a very good map for current me.

Drawing your own map is a bit similar to the concept of planning life, but I think the focus is more on "Navigation" instead of "Setting Life Goals". As said at the beginning, achieving some things is driven by identity, not achieving goals and then coming back to define yourself.

The whole process is diverge first then converge, then if converged too tight then diverge again, too loose then converge again.

I can slowly accept this changing state. Everything seeks an approximation not absolute. Won't be obsessed with "achieving what thing" like before or climbing up step by step like climbing a grid. Now thinking "what kind of person want to become", how would that kind of person choose, and then proceed roughly like this.

Started last year there is another goal "Become a person with more margin". Abandoning obsession with goals, but feeling what kind of person I am, what kind of person want to become, really have much more margin. Able to deal with accidents, also can get along with friends more freely. Won't think "Ah that hasn't been done", "How far am I from XX goal" when relaxing, living under pressure of "things haven't been done" every day.

Besides goals, life actually has many aspects. I am not a machine. Have to let myself have margin in mentality and time to deal with those things. Occasionally when mentality drifts away look at the map, let myself not strictly get lost for too long. And if lost for too long it's okay, that means map is expired and needs adjustment.

Might adjust again in the future, but I will record the current version first.

Finally, really happy to receive a letter for the first time. Finally not talking to myself. Feeling that someone cares about my words and wants to know is very good!

Welcome everyone to send letters or exchange with me more on substack / twitter!

I may not reply very fast, but I will read and reply.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

On my birthday last May, I built this website in one go, but so far I have only written six articles.

This is the first article I finally have some time to write after starting my new job this April.

Remember initially hoping to write one article per week, but unfortunately, having a website doesn't magically create a writing habit. Of course writing is happier, just that mentally, time-wise and various aspects still need some adjustments.

This article is a bit like a running account confession and self-talk. If interested in seeing some of my thoughts and struggles on writing, continue reading!

Difficulties Encountered

No Margin in Life for Writing

So-called no margin means neither mood nor time.

Before this March, I stayed in a company that consumed me a lot. Was doing ERP at that time, holding multiple roles alone. No design, no PM, frontend and backend were all me. Internal dissatisfaction or questions would slack me directly. Also responsible for reporting monthly meetings in front of various departments and boss. Even so year-end bonus was almost not issued according to contract. Finally resigned early before new job was confirmed.

After resigning went to Wakayama and Mie in Kansai for a week solo travel to recharge. Quite satisfied with that trip. Usually went out when stressed, this time went out wandering after letting go of everything. Went to a place with few tourists to hike and see the sea. Then received new job offer before returning.

Changed to a new job on April 1st (Kimihiro Watanuki), almost half a year now. Very satisfied with this job. Can see a whole sky outside office window. Also has high ceiling. So I want to go to office every day. Supervisor's technical skill is also very strong. Really learned a lot following him currently. Only here let me know, if eight hours of work every day are challenging and can grow, pressure to self-improve after work won't be so big.

Besides work in April also busy moving house. So literally settling down and starting career (although only me in the family). Spent a lot of time adjusting pace of new job and new home.

Anyway, took stock of this period, thoughts and time were all occupied. Naturally couldn't write.

(Speaking of which, recently happen to go to Japan office for two weeks. Landlord suddenly sold the house and have to move out before 12/31. Another round of toss. Hope to settle down soon...)

Qualification Theory

I occasionally think, "What qualification do I have to write these"?

On one hand not much confidence. On other hand very afraid of becoming that kind of man who loves to preach.

Also noticed many people bravely make statements like "Taiwanese..." or "Engineers..." very labeling or arbitrarily speaking for a group. Maybe also limited by influence of writing thesis during academic period. Without qualitative research or quantitative data support, feel afraid to say these things.

Now I figured it out a bit. Others writing out their observations is good. And many unexpectedly match my experience. How to have such insight is worth learning.

I want to try my best to start from "I". Avoid imposing personal values on others. Reduce appearance of "You" in articles. These thoughts are mine, not yours or a certain group's. Like changing "You should do this to get rid of slump" to "I did this to get rid of slump".

Also want to continue "Moving from diode to spectrum" mentioned in 2023->2024. Some parts of article written wrong doesn't mean completely valueless. Just change it. And don't need to rise to scope of self-denial.

I Want to Write Everything, Write Nothing Out

Armin in "Attack on Titan" said "People who can't throw away anything, can't change anything". This sentence always echoes in my heart.

I have many themes want to write. Technical articles, life thoughts, film and television, anime reviews, reading notes, travelogues, novels... Not saying very good at writing these, but want to try writing these.

Anime reviews once had a small attempt running an account on IG. But got tired super fast. Felt too limited by platform.

For reading notes, writing Atomic Habits notes before received quite a few feedbacks. And I would organize notes slightly myself. Just when publishing would want to organize slightly again then often stuck here.

Technical articles used to have temporary imposter syndrome. Now grown up and grasped rhythm better. Less afraid of being scolded. After combat in work also have some things want to write. And usually checking information often benefit from those willing to write articles.

Besides writing, I also have books want to read, blog want to revamp, small projects want to write. Still a bunch of miscellaneous things in life.

And result of such greed is I keep being in front of computer unable to decide which one to do first. Then unconsciously start scrolling social media, reading manga, chasing drama to escape.

I also often wrote half casually then left it to deal with other things. Coming back next time have other things want to write. Or don't know what was thinking at that time, unable to continue.

Current coping method will be mentioned later. Anyway don't think writing too complicated first.

Self-hosted Website Makes me Write and Run to Develop Features or Fix Bugs

Fortunate to have experience contacting many content websites in current job. Slowly feel previous version made really unbearable. When opening wanting to write feel self-hosted really bad. Given another chance might directly use Substack XD

Current version started from 8/24. Thinking, referencing, and constantly balancing with other things want to do. Using some squeezing toothpaste time always. Sprinting a progress in a certain night or afternoon. Then stagnated again. Finally slowly became what it is now.

Original version SEO broken, no RSS support. Also not quite satisfied with many layouts. Although still much room for improvement now, at least won't be so bad that can't watch.

But I feel this is not a way to continue. Treat here as a warehouse to sync a copy of articles. Focus on writing. Write first then talk.

Mindset Adjustment

No Longer Tangled in Theme, Write Whatever Want to Write

Probably in May saw leafwind and Kalan discussed "Whether to concentrate on one theme to write".

Like leafwind's note very much: "Before personal style is stable enough, using categorized way to accumulate writing experience might be a good way. But appropriate attempt is also not bad. I suggest can try all. Only yourself know which one suits now". Also discussed theme diverging will become "Readers are no longer reading for a single theme, but come to see articles of 'this person' you".

I was still thinking about this problem in September. Recently suddenly realized it is insufficient information. Attempted too little. I simply didn't write enough to let me judge suitability. Just like Fujino in "Look Back" saw a website mentioning tip to become better at drawing is "Just draw"!

Can also slowly clarify what want to write, how want to write in every writing and feedback. Many things really lack information and experience to say for sure. Don't force yourself to make decision too early. Embrace various possibilities!

At current stage for me, keep writing is most important.

Writing is just a hobby currently. Don't need to put too many unnecessary frames on myself. "Avoid premature optimization". Later find which types of articles written more, then move out or adjust website is fine.

Having said that, learning to prioritize and give up will still be life lesson need to face continuously. Remember "Four Thousand Weeks" discussed related issues. Read it again recently.

I Want to Write What I Like to Read, What I Like to Read is Process of Thinking

In 2023→2024, mentioned vanity and steadiness. Difference lies in whether written out is only for envy or for reference.

Thought a bit more. More precise expression is whether this article has "Process of Thinking".

Some people's articles read like experiencing the whole thing with them. Read very satisfying. I also want to be like this.

I want to write articles I am satisfied with. I want to write articles I myself will read with relish. I must identify with myself first then others' identity. Really confused order for a long long time.

By the way respond to previous qualification theory. I think qualification is superficial doubt. Behind is actually I am not satisfied with this article. Or I might have written some remarks I am not very sure or inflating myself in this article. In other words, not true. Might be information not true or mindset not true.

Current Chatbot AI and human difference might also be so? Whether ChatGPT or Claude directly spit out a bunch of answers or hallucinations. But missing process. How to think of this solution step by step? I think I care more about this part. Like rather than giving me fish, better show me how you fish.

Temporarily Remove Multi-language, Fish Not Caught Yet, Don't Think About Eating One Fish Many Ways

When just built website, I originally wanted to write trilingual. But I decided to remove English and Japanese temporarily.

I can't even write stably yet. Just don't think about practicing language by the way. Premise of eating one fish many ways is to catch fish stably. Don't even have fish (writing), want to eat more (multi-language). Can only say myself so silly so naive.

Okay, maybe don't need to define as failure. Just still exploring and adjusting. Previous articles only talked about benefits of writing, why should write. After more than a year, finally slowly outlined again, what I want to write, how I want to write. Step by step!

Meaning of Personal Website to Me

Roughly same as "Self-hosted Website Journey" written initially.

"Write for myself". Record of my own life. Want to leave something for myself at each stage.

To record my life stages, and let people who understand me can contact my story through this platform.

At same time, I also want to let more people understand me. Maybe a bit like "Know me from my articles one by one!" this feeling?

Also on Twitter(X) after someone posted a certain article, someone will quote and attach own thoughts or write an article of similar theme to respond. Suddenly felt very like some kind of pen pal relationship. Actually quite like it!

This kind of mutual interaction leaving traces on respective websites. I think also quite thumb up.

What if No One Reads?

I found two types of writers. One is purely writing for self. Whether anyone reads is second. Another is like me if no one reads will lose motivation. Or care too much about readers.

Former I thought of writer in "Mao II". He has works insist not wanting to publish. Also thought of protagonist Dai Miyamoto in "Blue Giant". He practiced jazz alone in Sendai. Only went to Tokyo to find partners and major stages after graduation.

Actually I think definitely won't be no one reading. At least can show to people around first. Then slowly find own echo chamber.

I posted some articles on IG before. Found people around actually not much interested in things I wrote. Or maybe IG not easy for me to reach those people. Much better after switching to Twitter. Posting some tweets slowly have people reading. Quite like it.

Then there is Quality over Quantity. Like ten thousand people read but all skim through. Compare to only one person read but very helpful to him. I will choose the latter.

Written at End, Aim for Regular Writing

I write because I like it. Because writing can enrich my life. But can't let writing affect my life.

I want to slowly integrate writing, posting articles into my every day, every week, every month. Slowly. Seek to start writing first. Then slowly write more and more. Finally form regular writing.

Read Black Cat Teacher's Black Cat Creation Report #11: Must Update Daily? a while ago quite inspiring. Although actually similar concepts often heard. But clichés can be so old is because every time said still someone will gain something. These realizations and awareness close to enduring.

Article mentioned "Weekly update is fine. Even monthly update is no problem. Key is to establish own discipline. And use discipline to assist own regular, stable output. And rest when time is up."

Such concept also mentioned when asking Cheng-Wei Hu about writing experience. His current method is fixing time to write. Then when time is up write how much is how much. Can go do other things. Others come back to write when time comes next time.

In "Atomic Habits" also mentioned "What ruins you won't be the first giving up, but subsequent habitual giving up". I interpret this sentence as "Temporary giving up is fine, but can't be used to giving up".

Ending comes a bit suddenly. I think that's it. This is some of my self-inflicted troubles on writing one year after building personal website.

Ah, secretly say one more thing. Very happy Huli likes my annual review. Honestly the first day I wrote code I watched Huli's How does Xiao Ming with Zero Base Become Frontend Engineer?. So really quite touched my article can appear in his article.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Even though this work has high production, smooth fighting scenes, pleasing character design and full of masculinity, plot is just a group of delinquents fighting.

This is what I thought before watching episode 9 and 10 of anime.

Didn't expect it could present Choji's darkening, Togame's self-blame and Umemiya's broad-mindedness so well.

To me, Shishitoren Arc is about goal and process.

Why did Choji darken?

Because he stood on peak of Shishitoren.

Emptiness of standing on peak and happiness in process of working hard, strong contrast between these two led to Choji's darkening.

Why darkening after standing on peak? Because he never thought about things after that.

Happily working hard with companions, unknowingly became strongest, suddenly stood on position of leader. He and companions changed from equal relationship to upper and lower relationship. They no longer work hard together, but he has to take them forward.

He felt unfree in this responsibility. He thought "If everyone is as strong as me, standing on same horizontal line, can it be like before? Do I not have to bear whole Shishitoren alone?"

Besides responsibility, there is emptiness.

He had imagination about peak. Even though didn't know what would be there, but he indeed expected something there.

After actually standing up there he found everything is not different. And to rush to peak, he left companions halfway up mountain. He climbed to top of mountain at cost of process of working hard together with companions.

Therefore he distorted, taking "strength" as sole criterion, discarding weak ones. He only wanted members strong enough to help him share this responsibility. He wanted to force everyone to become strong, let him free from peak, return to freedom.

.

Why did Togame feel guilty?

Because at moment Choji went astray he chickened out. He looked away. He didn't have courage to defend his inner thoughts, compromised to obey distorted Choji.

In confrontation with Sakura, he was awakened by Sakura's belief of "Not distorting oneself, always facing opponent squarely". He found answer to avoid things going like this -- he should have been the one to wake Choji up.

He should have reminded Choji, he didn't lose happiness they experienced together because of climbing to peak, also no need to bear everything alone.

However, he submitted, fulfilled Choji's distortion, helped him deal with not strong enough companions. Togame guiltily thought he should have redeemed at moment Choji took off companion's jacket for first time.

.

How did Umemiya wake Choji up?

He found Choji was already on edge of collapse midway. Thus didn't use violence to counter violence, just like Sakura's reflection afterwards "Is this fighting?". Umemiya let Choji face that sense of discord in heart himself, didn't fight back from middle stage.

And Choji finally realized strangeness. Finally after being knocked down on ground by a headbutt, seeing Togame's expression after waking up, realized what Togame's true feelings were these days. Although Togame didn't wake Choji up on that day, he barely maintained Shishitoren through acting for Choji. Even though slightly distorted, companions are still there.

(I really like visualization of Choji's inner drama here, dried earth, feeling of treading on thin ice, Togame piecing together past happy times alone, empty treasure chest on top of mountain)

.

Choji asked Umemiya, why you seem not empty like me after standing on peak?

Because for Umemiya, standing on peak is not his goal, but means. He has things can only do after standing on peak. This made Choji suddenly enlightened. He found Umemiya "climbed to peak only after understanding himself first".

Although Umemiya stands on peak bearing many things, he never forgot "There is peak only with support of everyone". Without support of companions, that is just a point, not peak. Therefore, he stood on peak with heart set on continuing to eat with everyone.

Finally, Choji felt empty, mainly because he was already happy originally. Happiness is so natural to him, just like humans won't feel grateful for oxygen when breathing. Therefore after he climbed to top started to complicate things, thus losing simple happiness.

Inspiration for me

"Always remember what you are working hard for. If forgot or started to get lost, might as well think clearly first or rely on others for help. And process is as important as result. Achieving a thing might be happy but also might be empty".

Literary drama of this work is far more profound than it looks. Characters in it all correspond to different stages of growth. Protagonist Sakura is still in stage of doing it alone due to growth background. Choji is going astray and returning to right path. Umemiya is experienced and broad-minded leader (looks like this currently). Looking forward to what kind of characters will appear later, what kind of changes, and how Sakura will deal with his own topics.

And theme of fighting, perhaps for this group of not frank boys, is really a good means of communication. (But don't beat people around under name of communication)

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Thoughts

Really like watching this kind of heartwarming work without too much scheming recently.

At the same time, also like how many Japanese works observe and present interaction process between people so meticulously.

From eyes of concierge Akino of department store, it presented Japan's respectful service attitude of treating customers as priority. But compared to superficial politeness, I think what author wanted to present more is Akino's sincerity of thinking for customers behind, wanting to let everyone have a happy shopping experience here.

Plot

Tells a world where animals are anthropomorphized living together with humans. Besides appearance, animals are no different from humans inside. Can communicate with humans, also shop, dress up, make desserts and engage in art. In such a world, there is a department store called "Hokkyoku Department Store". Staff are all humans, customers are all animals, mostly V.I.A (Very Important Animals). True meaning about this name will be gradually revealed along plot.

Protagonist of work Akino visited Hokkyoku Department Store when she was little, since then had longing for working here. Plot focuses on Akino entering this department store as she wished, some workplace little stories happening between first day and passing probation. As customers are all animals, workplace appearance that can be presented is also richer.

Production

There is original manga. This theatrical version is produced by Production I.G. Smoothness of animation really goes without saying. Physical movements of characters and moving ways of different animals are really very meticulous. At the same time, characters are almost all voiced by big-name voice actors (There are Jun Fukuyama, Kenjiro Tsuda, Kana Hanazawa etc.). Their voices make emotions of whole movie very abundant.

Couldn't Stop Crying Watching

I was surprised myself, but thought about it later, it is because emotions are portrayed very sincerely. I am easily moved by that mood of really wanting to do a thing well.

In this movie can see Akino really treats this job very seriously. She takes every suggestion given by supervisor and colleagues seriously. Her supervisors and colleagues are also leading her very seriously and carefully.

I think this movie presented an ideal: An ideal working environment, ideal colleagues, ideal supervisor, ideal work attitude. And I actually want to believe such place exists.

Although just a fictional work with fantasy elements, I am still very moved that such world can be portrayed. Have a feeling of "Ah! So someone is thinking same thing as me! So possibilities I imagined not only exist in my mind! I am not alone!".

Really no matter if possible in reality, just knowing someone also imagines like this, even materialized it into a work, and this work is done so well, I am very satisfied and happy.

Spoiler Thoughts

.

.

.

Although main axis described many moving little stories, finally on Christmas day, ending with two events of "breaking ice sculpture" and "choosing gift for bedridden customer" is very moving, but actually world view of this movie is very cruel and realistic. Because these appeared animals are almost all extinct, or endangered creatures. And reasons why these creatures are endangered are nothing more than places where humans can profit from, Sea Mink, Caribbean Monk Seal, Japanese Wolf etc. This is exactly true meaning of the term V.I.A. Why only humans interact in this department store, is to let people serve these animals hunted to extinction.

Therefore at first glance it is workplace daily life, but actually also portraying these extinct animals, letting them continue to be remembered by people. Also hope to let readers know what humans once did to them. Occasionally also smuggle some little knowledge about these animals in plot.

.

.

.

Miscellaneous Thoughts Unrelated to Plot

Watching this movie also made me confirm my writing motivation and goal again. I know world is full of malice, heard quite a few related stories, also experienced some things myself, but I still want to try my best to describe goodness of humans, or describe goodness that can still be seen when facing these malice.

I want to let people feel through my words that they are not alone. Many things are not only experienced by individuals, but common experiences under era and culture and environment. And we are all seeking answers in this. Me in this era, this place and encountering these things, at least can record things I saw, I felt, as testimony to myself. Also might be able to connect, dialogue with others through words.

Of course, there will definitely be many things that can be criticized by future me or people of next generation, just like we are also gradually carrying out political correctness cleansing on works of previous generation. But premise of being re-examined is being written, recorded. I want to try to write more, record more.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

(Might have minor spoilers, but basically to extent guessable from name, please exercise discretion!)

Although following text talks about quite a few melancholic things, but it is still a very warm work!

It is very touching. Don't worry it is a work that will make you very Emo after watching. If it does, I think it is also a good time to let yourself settle, go take care of those surging emotions and memories!

.

"We said goodbye, always thought there would be next time, unaware that this meeting was last time for each other"

"Often thought there is next time, but this time is last time for each other"

"We are destined to meet most friends for last time without both sides knowing"

We said goodbye, always thought there would be next time, unaware that this meeting was last time for each other.

"Robot Dreams" tells about loneliness, love and companionship. Briefly passed over impermanence based on human nature. At same time gave song "September" by Earth, Wind & Fire new meaning again. Making this song a song capable of celebrating past joy and also speaking for melancholy behind love and companionship.

I think, "Robot Dreams" is also a farewell to old friends and old lovers who once spent good times together.

We all have been changed by another person valued incomparably. No matter that person is lover or old friend, he or she was like whole world at that time. And we inevitably welcome new lifestyles. Each other will eventually separate due to some factors. But that beauty didn't disappear, but became a part of you recognized by others. Just like that song "September" is already favorite golden song of ____ at end.

Impact "Robot Dreams" gave me is very similar to "La La Land" and Minoru Furuya's "Ciguetera". Telling best times once spent, but this doesn't mean current times are not beautiful. But under basis of "now", that melancholic feeling that each other can no longer go back to past.

Next is feeling of very lonely very lonely. From trailer can see protagonist is a dog living alone, microwaving bento eating with boring TV programs.

Driven by such loneliness, Dog ordered "Amigo Robot" following advertisement. And this robot faithfully became his good friend, showing a warm smile accompanying Dog living. Like lyrics of "September": "Do you remember? The 21st night of September. Love was changing the minds of pretenders. While chasing the clouds away".

Regarding why Dog chose robot to accompany, movie also explained in detail. Can only say heartbreaking and real. Believe many people (including me) can empathize. Being able to feel this is even more distressing.

Most amazing thing is, "Robot Dreams" finished telling this 102-minute story without saying any single word.

.

(Below are some personal thoughts touched in life)

Saw a film review wrote, "Sometimes we don't 'watch' movies but 'need' movies". I think this is it. "Robot Dreams" is movie I need. I lived very painfully these few years after entering society. Should say I have been very painful since starting university. After successfully switching career to software engineer, pain is even doubling every year.

There are many reasons. Like after I started university slowly found my family is abnormal. Resources given by my family really can't compare with classmates around. After working found my talent, effort and luck also inferior to people around. But these are not point this time. Point is due to despair of these "can't compare" and "I am not good enough" almost crushed me, making me unable to interact with friends around purely like before. I also can no longer dance. Thus bringing loss of friends accumulated in seven years of dancing before graduation. Because life circles, values and things thinking about are all different. We slowly have nothing to say. Or say I also don't have spare energy (in time and psychology) to interact with these old friends.

I first lost most friends in street dance circle. Then many friends made during university period. Some are also I actively or unilaterally let go (Mainly in psychology, or refusing some invitations).

Recently I let go of more friends again. Some are really friends once very good. But I think that time has passed. And life continues to move forward. Inevitably will hold more such melancholy.

At this time, really thank this movie "Robot Dreams". It acted out too much helplessness. I think my current stage is just like that helplessness Robot encountered on beach at end. There will be a period broken. And repair needs to take some time. Also might rely on some external forces.

Of course among these helplessness there are fleeting beauties. Like Miss Duck and nesting mother bird in play. I accept with gratitude. At same time feel slight apology towards past.

Finally might also act like Robot in front of window!

Coincidentally, actually when buying movie ticket, I saw a friend from long ago queuing in front of me. But I chose not to call her. I found she seemed to be waiting for someone. I think we just let life return to two parallel lines, live current life well is enough.

If curious what I am describing, go watch "Robot Dreams" quickly!

(In addition, personally prefer original name Robot Dreams more. Dreams are part most inducing laughter, most beautiful and moving and also most heartbreaking of whole work.)

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

The annual review is mainly written for myself, but I also hope that my experiences and thoughts can attract like-minded people, or even help some people.

Before sharing my 2023 & 2024, I want to share my thoughts on annual reviews.

Seeing other people's annual reviews and goals for next year often makes me anxious. Looking at others who seem to have done a lot of things in a year, while I haven't done many of the things they have completed.

However, I currently figured out these three points:

1. That is someone else's goal.
2. If it is something you want to do, then do it. Don't blame yourself because someone else did it first, or feel that you don't want to do it anymore. If you are influenced by others, perhaps it is also a time to examine your motivation for doing these things.
3. This year was definitely not wasted, just forgotten due to lack of organization. Slowly taking stock will definitely reveal an unexpectedly large number of things done, just whether progress was made on the things I care about most. If not, just adjust today.

I really like what Cheng-Wei Hu said in 2022 Record: “If what you are doing is essentially an expression of your self-extension, then no one can compete with you on this point. And I firmly believe that most of the time we should not focus on competition, being unique is more valuable than being better”.

And my own expectation for the annual review is "Down-to-earth, not vanity":

1. Vanity: Others can only envy after writing it out
2. Down-to-earth: Others can learn from and exchange ideas after writing it out

I often see some articles that only talk about what they have accomplished, but don't mention the process much or make lofty statements. Reading them actually doesn't yield much gain, only increasing anxiety. Of course, the priority reader of the article is still the author himself, so how to write depends on the individual. So I can only say that I don't like such articles, and I don't want my articles to be written like that.

And this standard of vanity and down-to-earth is still in everyone's mind, because everyone can have their own interpretation. So in the end, maintain an open mind, continue to be aware and improve, and just have a clear conscience.

As for why review, this year is also hoping to leave a trace. Writing it down is taking a snapshot of myself at this time. I believe the future me will definitely thank the current me for writing it down, just like I am very grateful that the past me has done reviews.

Reviewing 2022's expectation for 2023: Hope to live with more margin (Yuyu).

Overall it is on track. Gained some margin in interpersonal relationships and finance, but faced many choices and setbacks in career development.

Compared to 2022, I let go of more things last year, or recognized that I could actually do fewer things, and could only do one thing at a time. This means if I am reading for this half hour, I can only read, I can't write Code at the same time. I need to concentrate my attention and resources more. It seems intuitive, but I appear greedy until I faced reality this year.

The consequence of lack of concentration is doing A while thinking about B. Wanting to do everything but worrying about other things while doing everything. I also waste a lot of time and get very tired because of frequent switching between things. This is exactly my long-term portrayal.

Some goals are not to be abandoned, but the time has not come. I must calm down and prepare now, so that my ability and resources can be in place, so that I can have the margin to do those things.

Interpersonal relationships have always brought me a lot of pressure. Although I am extroverted, I try too hard to feel and presuppose the other party's position, and often put myself behind others, ignoring my own feelings for a long time. My heart has no margin due to too many worries. But after starting counseling this year, there is great progress, which will be mentioned below!

My Insights This Year

1. I am not Sisyphus, I can push the stone away and walk towards the top of the mountain

Sisyphus is a mythological fable, often used by people to compare themselves, thinking that their day-to-day work and life are like Sisyphus pushing a stone repeatedly every day.

I used to be like this too, but I found that I am not Sisyphus after all, and my stone is not a fate that must be borne, but just my choice. I can push the stone away at any time, making the vision in front of me open, and walking towards the top of the mountain with a more relaxed but down-to-earth attitude.

The reason I realized this is because I was in extreme pain last year. If I didn't push the stone away, I would wait to be crushed to death by the stone.

And pushing the stone away, I can still walk to the top of the mountain. Resignedly admitting that I cannot continue to bear this weight does not mean that I have become a failure.

Is my goal to push the stone to the top of the mountain, or simply to walk to the top of the mountain? Realizing the nature of this burden and what I really want to do, only then can I move forward again.

Although I pushed the stone away, I also realized the process of repeatedly picking it back up. Now I hope to continue practicing awareness and actively let go of the burden I should not bear. And if one day, I find that I want to bear this burden, and the scenery I want to see cannot be seen without carrying the stone up, I will push the stone with a more open-minded attitude.

2. Planning a calendar is harmful to me

(The calendar I am talking about here is a very extreme way of planning. In the past few years, I planned and reviewed to record every period of every day.)

During counseling, I realized that when I listed things on the calendar, I felt despair —— Things can simply not be learned, simply not be finished.

This calendar represents an anxiety list. The calendar plans "results", but what I need is to "enjoy the process". In addition, it also represents a distrust of myself. I don't trust that I will do those things spontaneously without a calendar.

Continuing Sisyphus's stone, the calendar is like making this stone bigger and bigger.

In the process of counseling, I found that what I need now is simply to do. I need to trust that my heart knows what I want to learn and do "at this moment".

Planning too carefully beforehand will make myself painful, losing the fun of purely learning and executing, and life becomes very mechanical.

So now I choose to only put some schedules into the calendar, but for what to learn and what to do, I will only simply arrange the order, like a top-down Queue (data structure term, hereafter referred to as list). When I have time, I execute the list in order. As mentioned in the review at the beginning, I can only do one thing at a time, don't think about multitasking.

And not planning a calendar does not mean not planning, which will be mentioned again in the map below.

Finally, I also realized that "Energy Management" is more important than "Time Management". When doing one thing, I must first have good energy, and then think about how to use time efficiently. After all, when energy is bad, even if there is double time, it may not be possible to do it. If interested, you can watch this How to maintain high energy?

3. No longer account to others, no longer responsible for others' expectations

I often feel stressed if I can't account to others properly or might disappoint others.

The anxiety of needing to account might come from:

3-1. Social Media

Posting my life on it actually feels like accounting to others. For example, because there are many things that should be done, but I still posted updates about playing while not doing them. It makes me guess if they will criticize me: "Didn't come to the event / Didn't finish things, how dare you play?", or recently preparing for an interview, I would be afraid that others think "Aren't you preparing for an interview? How dare you play?"

The time when I need social media is often halfway through reading. Perhaps I really feel lonely at these moments.

But I now realize Social media cannot help me solve this loneliness. Social media will only stack a layer of anxiety on top of this loneliness.

3-2. Participated in too many "Self-growth" groups

I joined many groups last year that could "grow myself", including miscellaneous knowledge clubs, groups for regular foreign language practice, and projects cooperated after work. I easily filled up from Monday to Sunday.

But the current me actually doesn't have the spare energy. Filling myself up will make me ignore myself, and easily deviate from my own track. Doing a bunch of things, but always feeling not addressing the root cause, bluntly speaking, it is busy for nothing.

Therefore, I realized that I just don't have the spare energy to participate in these things, so I should withdraw. Handle my own affairs first, and participate in some random things when I really have margin and extra time. This ensures that besides doing things important to myself first, I can also enjoy it better without bringing too much pressure to myself and team members.

3-3. Solution: Leaving is not escaping, but valuing myself more

Previously I felt that anything that could make me better should be gathered, but that "good" might be very "vague", or it might be "others'". Think about "is this good" and "do I want it" first. A better way is to have a map about myself first, so that everything I do can find a destination on that map, otherwise it is easy to get lost on the ocean.

I think I would do this originally based on a FOMO (Fear Of Missing Out) mentality.

I withdrew from almost all groups I participated in, such as entrepreneurship plans, Japanese self-study groups, community volunteers. I need to empty my time first, focus on drawing my own map, clarifying the channel I want to sail. This takes time, and I need to let myself accept this seemingly unproductive exploration period, don't rush to plant myself into other things.

On social media, I also started to silence and unfollow a large number of information or accounts I don't need to receive (even friends). I found that some people's updates are what I want to pay attention to and care about, but some people share a lot of travel or achievements that only increase my anxiety.

Originally I hesitated to silence them, feeling whether I was not strong enough or incapable of blessing my friends to live well, but I don't think so now.

I didn't need to care too much about others in the first place. The friends who truly exchange hearts and are worth paying attention to are actually only a very small group. The tracking numbers over a hundred on social media are all vain. People don't have the energy to take care of so many people. Compared to paying attention to their updates and lives, I choose to take care of my heart more.

At the same time, I slowly learned to express my thoughts, knowing that I have the right to refuse many information or invitations. If I don't want to do something or attend a gathering, I just don't want to. I don't need to explain one by one, not responsible for others' expectations, no longer pleasing others. My independent will inevitably conflict with others, don't be afraid of this conflict. And if friends cannot understand just because I refused a few times or have different ideas, then that is also a very good opportunity to filter out people who truly care about me.

Regarding social media and comparison anxiety, I also heard a saying:

Many people are anxious to let you hear them, selling anxiety to you, hoping you follow their ideas. But no need! Don't be led by others' ideas.

4. Truly hardworking people will not be treated badly, but fake diligence will not be sympathized with

Simply sprinting all the time, but not following the map, or even without a map of my own, getting lost is just expected.

If fill up my calendar, making myself busy with trivial matters and things unimportant to myself, then it is just fake diligence, also the "busy for nothing" mentioned above when participating in too many groups. The previous me was deeply trapped in it.

Fake diligence for a long time will only find myself living harder and harder, gaining nothing, instead feeling further and further away from the goal.

And true effort should be with awareness, checking the direction all the time, whether it is introspection or asking others. Just sprinting is fake diligence.

5. From diode to spectrum

Actually it means getting rid of dualism.

A diode only has two poles, just like the world only has right and wrong, black and white. But if only the world were that simple. Things in the world are actually spectrums, as Gooaye said in Gray Thinking, "There are infinite possible shades in the grayscale of black and white".

Just like "self", I used to be afraid that "expressing my own thoughts" would become self-centered, but having my own thoughts does not mean denying others' thoughts. I can have my own set of views on things while being Open-minded.

And someone being better than me does not equal me not being excellent. People who are excellent having different views from mine does not equal my views being wrong.

Best Decisions This Year

1. Counseling

Many things, although I can think clearly, are not down-to-earth. I am afraid that I did not think clearly, or even if I understood, I couldn't do it.

To put it bluntly, I have no confidence in my thoughts. I often fear whether thinking like this is being a "strawberry generation" (easily bruised), or thinking like this is not good, thinking like this means I am not a talent, blah blah about growth mindset vs fixed mindset.

Self-reflection seems simple at first glance, but it is actually extremely difficult and cannot be rushed, because people are very good at deceiving themselves, or find it difficult to accept their true thoughts at the moment due to various factors.

If discussing with friends or people around, some people will carry "the good they think in their hearts" in their words. For those who still have strong values, I am easily swayed by that implied value judgment.

But during counseling, I can confirm my thoughts with the counselor with peace of mind. He doesn't know anyone around me, nor does he give me too many value judgments. He just continues to ask questions, guiding me to say "the answer in my heart". So I gradually found that for the same question, my answer started to be different. I found that I didn't have to care how the counselor saw it, but seriously thinking about what my answer was.

I think this is where their professionalism is admirable, and I also feel very lucky to find a compatible counselor quickly.

These problems that have plagued me most seriously have been slowly clarified:

1. Comparison mentality (I have been setting up imaginary enemies around me, causing a bit of a barrier with many good friends, getting along painfully, but slowly discovering the problem may not be comparison)
2. Family of origin (I found that I was raised in a way close to abandonment since childhood. It's not that I didn't learn anything from my parents, I learned anger and hate)
3. Thinking too much, doing too little, unable to calm down
4. Excessive self-criticism
5. Love to escape, dare not solve problems positively, not good at rejecting (I don't need to be responsible for others' failed expectations)
6. ...

2. Draw my own map

Mentioned above Planning a calendar is harmful to me, but that is just removing the paranoia about time management. Still need to know roughly which direction I want to go.

After letting go of the calendar and original extreme arrangements, letting myself explore freely for two or three months, finding that I still had certain tendencies when having no plans, I started drawing the map again.

I hope that everything I do can be connected to some points on the map. Now I am also thinking about what to do roughly every month and every day through the map, but I won't specially fill up the time slots.

The content of the map will roughly be several fields I follow: "Programming", "Writing", "Japanese", "Exercise", "Wealth", and set the imagined appearance of each stage (30 years old, 35 years old), using this as a premise to think about how to stack my ability and status step by step, but I won't list it too finely. I only list the things to be done this year or these few months in more detail, and further away will be more abstract, such as "Become Tech Lead", "JLPT N2, Life conversation OK", "Write X articles", "Annual asset target growth ? %", etc. And many goals can complement each other.

Detailed planning, I will write another article later!

3. Use X(Twitter) more than Instagram

Reasons for not liking Instagram

1. Many people are friends in the real world. Many mutual follows come from real social pressure. I often feel pressured to share my thoughts there.
2. Instagram gives me a feeling of pink bubbles and whitewashing peace.
3. Cannot interact with many people at the same time. Instagram stories are one-on-one replies. I often post a story and have to repeat very similar conversations with many people, or post another story reply which disturbs people.
4. I don't like image-based design, I still like text.

Reasons for liking X (Twitter) (Basically the reverse of Instagram):

1. People here are purely attracted by my tweets, it's great to be able to communicate with all kinds of people purely using text.
2. Can post the good and bad of my life more naturally. Negative tweets when in a bad mood are often responded to gently, very touching.
3. Everyone can see the replies, and can also reply to each other. The exchange atmosphere is good (except for some weirdos occasionally).
4. Occupation, interests, and tendencies are more like my echo chamber. I feel I don't need to leave the echo chamber every day on social media, just realize to get in touch occasionally.

As for the reason not using FB, there is too much noise there. Friends, fan pages, groups, everything. Now treat it as a functional thing, don't want to do anything on it.

And Threads I am still watching. But what is recommended to me now are mostly storytelling or political posts. I observed there are quite a few language learning posts, maybe can develop in that direction.

Things Completed in 2023

Although mentioned down-to-earth and vanity at the beginning, I still want to share what I did this year, but modified the original title "Achievements, Milestones" to be more neutral "Things Completed".

1. Made two friends in Kyoto with broken Japanese
2. Encountered a blizzard on my first time skiing, phone was buried in snow for a day, found it back the next day
3. Pilgrimage
   1. Hokkaido (Golden Kamuy)
   2. Shimokitazawa (Bocchi the Rock!)
   3. Odaiba (Digimon Adventure)
   4. Karatsu (Zombieland Saga)
   5. Hita (Dam reference for Attack on Titan Wall)
4. Crossed from frontend to Full Stack Development, expect myself to become a more comprehensive software engineer
   • However started to be confused whether to hire frontend or backend if there is no full stack vacancy
5. Spent big money participating in TRE (adult expo) (Review article was copied randomly by media)
6. Took 42 Japanese lessons on italki platform (Missed N2 by 6 points)
7. Properly helping myself —— "Counseling" and "Alopecia Areata" (Spent a lot of money as well)
8. Deeply cultivated fitness habits
   • Physique obviously improved, no more back pain, no longer dislike my body when looking in the mirror while showering every day
9. Participated in a half marathon for the first time, successfully finished!
   • Finally can experience the marathon mentality, from wanting to finish quickly, to steadily moving forward step by step, no longer just thinking about the finish line

Expectations for 2024

Starting this year, I believe in "Making yourself strong is the only way to solve problems."

I always thought I was a bit allergic to this kind of law of the jungle remarks, but I think I haven't entered the stage where I can break away from the law of the jungle, or the environment I am in is not so gentle to tolerate the weak. Still need to prove my ability, compete with others, and thus continue to maintain or improve the quality of life, and have more margin to deal with various accidents that will happen in the future.

Overall still aiming to "Let every aspect of life possess more margin".

Work (Software Development)

Maintain competitiveness and options at any time

Company closed down early last year and transferred to a partner company, and the new company had layoffs in the middle of the year, and finally some unpleasant things happened at the end of the year.

Believe many friends in the tech industry or software engineers have experienced similar things, or at least watched these things happen on the front line.

Therefore, I hope to decouple from external changes as much as possible, have stronger market competitiveness, have confidence in the workplace, not afraid of not finding a new job, break away from job hunting anxiety.

Let myself not fall into the state of "no choice" or "stuck in the middle". This state is really painful.

Specific means to accumulate stronger competitiveness, I think the first is to understand the market better, maintain the habit of regular interviews and save more emergency funds. Daily routine is to make up for the "rigid demand" technical hard skills.

Not blindly following trends

For new technologies, pay attention, understand, but don't chase

Started to unfollow many technical KOLs at the end of last year, because I found they kept posting what new technologies, new tools. This is their nature as technical media, but I easily follow blindly due to FOMO.

The result of blindly following is that I might have learned and seen many trendy technologies, but can't find many job opportunities, because I only chased trends but didn't build a good foundation, and didn't pay attention to what kind of technical talents the market needs. Some trends are unverified by the market. And I am not a particularly smart person. Learning every technology takes a lot of time for me, so I always feel ineffective in my career.

Many people are anxious to tell their imagination of the future, telling you how good and great new tools are, solving what problems.

But the fact is The value of adopting new technologies in business may be extremely low, and the cost of migrating technologies is often far greater than the benefits brought by new tools.

Secondly, many new tools solved old problems, but also brought new problems. New problems are harder to solve than old problems because you can't find much information, and must spend a lot of time researching yourself. Old problems at least have many Workarounds already thought out.

Of course I am not denying technology innovation, just that I will look at new technologies more cautiously and calmly, no longer feeling that I should learn whatever new things come out, or whatever problem old technology has means it sucks.

Before chasing new technologies, first understand the technologies that lean towards rigid demand in the market, prioritize mastering those technologies, and chase trends if there is spare energy.

I slowly think technology is not the key, the problems technology can solve and the commercial value it brings are. Considerations for technology iteration and migration need to be done on top of this, cannot just consider technical indicators like execution efficiency, memory usage, developer experience, etc.

Of course, before ability reaches a certain level, it is hard to know "what is rigid demand, what is trend". Current idea is to see if any companies are using it, and what old problems this new tool solved, is this old problem painful enough, what kind of companies will feel the pain (like team scale, division of labor granularity, industry will be different), does the direction I want to develop really need to make up this technology?

Regarding this topic, highly recommend this Why You SHOULDN'T Learn Rust.

Finally record current thoughts:

I like writing code, but I write code to make money, so I can't learn technology very purely. Only when this technology is useful (able to find a job, commercial value is high enough), will I learn it.

And exercising the vision to select technology and allocating time and energy spent on learning programming more cautiously is also a major goal of mine in 2024.

Finance: Redeem more freedom than in 2023

Used to think talking about money was tacky, but now realize this is the most important thing. Money may not buy happiness, and the process of making money may be painful, but money is needed to deal with many accidents. Being able to deal with accidents also means having more margin.

And in a capitalist society working to make money is redeeming one's freedom from society, I understand financial freedom as the status of "redemption completed".

2023 still didn't control the budget very well. Although saved more money and started DCA (Dollar Cost Averaging), staying abroad too long, experiencing company closure, and various changes caused the financial situation to be poor.

This year has formulated a more specific budget, investment method, and working hard to increase the principal. Hope it goes well!

Interpersonal Relationships: Put myself first

Thank you to the people I met and stayed by my side this year, but I really let too many people live in.

I am a person who minds even cutting long hair, thinking many people say they like my long hair, there will be a feeling of betrayal if cut, but they might just say it casually.

In 2024, I will continue to practice focusing on myself while counseling, investing time and energy in people who love me, care about me, and are comfortable to get along with.

Slowly don't want to attend many gatherings. I only want to attend gatherings where we can really exchange, not just to make up the numbers or join in the fun.

For many former good friends, the reason we could get along so well was partly because I often ignored my own feelings. Maybe just similar living environment, or values fit well before, but many people are slowly not in my comfort zone. Being with them becomes leaving the comfort zone. I decided not to force myself anymore.

The comfort zone I want to step out of is in ability, not in interpersonal relationships. Forcing myself to get along with people I don't like is not stepping out of the comfort zone, that is just masochism.

In addition, seeing some friends around not doing very well, need to often remind myself to turn down empathy a bit. Can empathize, but don't substitute. Rather than acting emo together, taking good care of myself, reaching out when they need it is better than acting emo together.

Written at the end: Why should exert own influence

Saw a tweet on Twitter saying "Exerting one's influence is attempting to build the compound interest of one's ideal world. The biggest punishment for people who only care about themselves is getting more and more terrible people (in their own values)."

Yes, if I can't stand some things but don't stand up to speak, it is allowing the world to be shaped by them, making me further and further away from the world appearance I like.

If there are expectations for the world, then need to come out and clash with various ideas and values, adding my voice to this diverse world.

Hope in 2024, while living with more margin, I can also be more active in outputting (currently thinking of writing) and accumulating my influence.

Concluding with the favorite sentence of 2023: You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.

Thank you to everyone who saw this. Everyone stay well in 2024.

If there are any thoughts to exchange with me, welcome to leave a message or contact me through the social links at the bottom!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

We are born weak, but we know how to empower ourselves.

As an office worker who hasn't exercised much since graduating from college, maintaining a consistent gym routine was a struggle for me. I would typically give up after only a month.

My sedentary lifestyle was further emphasized during a period of remote work, with my daily physical activity dipping to less than 2,000 steps.

Despite these challenges, I managed to establish a regular fitness routine. This transformation was made possible through the adoption of certain methodologies and mindset adjustments, which I am going to share below.

Methodology

Location, Location, Location.

What's the best gym? The one that's closest to your home or office.

The journey to fitness starts with the ease of commute, not the gym itself

Making the act of 'going to exercise' as easy as possible is the key to habit formation. This speaks to the concept of 'environment' from Atomic Habits, rather than relying purely on willpower.

Once you've settled on a location, you might prefer a gym with powerful air conditioning. The gym I frequent has spacious bathing facilities, making showering a pleasure. And there's even a sauna and a steam room for after your workout 😂.

(From my personal experience, I wouldn’t rely on contracts to compel yourself to go to the gym. I once signed a two-year contract with a gym, but ended up not going after changing jobs within half a year, wasting the remaining one and a half years.)

What if I don't have time?

Usually, finding a gym closer to your location can help solve the 'time' problem.

That's because you can incorporate your gym time into three parts of your day: "Before work", "After work", and "Before heading home". Without needing to commute separately to the gym, you can save a lot of time. It also makes the process of working out more comfortable, creating a smooth routine for your exercise regimen.

What If I Don’t Know How To Use The Equipment?

You may ask, "As a beginner, I don't know the movements and get overwhelmed by equipment. What should I do?"

1. Go with friends
   • First, go with friends who know how to exercise and follow their workout plan, slowly accumulating movements you can do.
2. Ask the gym staff
   • Don't be afraid to ask. Their job is partly to ensure no one is doing movements improperly and risking injury. The few times I've asked, they've been very helpful and I haven't experienced any pushy sales tactics.
3. Take a intro coaching class first (10-12 lessons)
   • Build foundational knowledge of proper movement and form. Then you can stop to focus on building the habit.
4. Youtube
   • Although there are many videos, as a beginner it's hard to filter good information. Videos also have some degree of misinformation and can't cover everything in one video. Try options 1-3 first before resorting to Youtube.

Don't Let Coaching Classes Be the End of Your Fitness

Many people, myself included, run into this:

Taking coaching classes at first without building an exercise habit. The cost was a burden. My form was still poor from lack of practice. When I stopped classes, I stopped exercising too.

Building the habit of regular gym sessions is more important than classes alone. Classes without practice puts the cart before the horse!

The Two-Minute Rule

This rule, also borrowed from Atomic Habits, suggests condensing a new habit down to just "two minutes". The crux is to make starting the habit as easy as possible.

When it comes to fitness, this means not aiming to lift too heavy or do too much at once. Even just doing two sets at the gym is acceptable. The most crucial part is maintaining the habit long-term.

A new habit shouldn't feel like a challenge. It can evolve into a challenge later on, but it should be easy to start.

Consistency is more important than intensity - the key is to just keep going!

Push Through the Valley of the Beginner, Creating A Positive Cycle

According to the Learning Curve theory , initial progress can be slow and difficult. But as we persistently invest effort and accumulate experience, the efficiency of learning improves, and the progress curve becomes steeper. I call this initial phase the "Valley of the Beginner".

In fitness, you will also encounter this Valley of the Beginner. At first, you might feel unsure about what you're doing, and the sensations or visible changes in your physique might be minimal.

But once you push through this period, you will gradually notice a difference in yourself. The same weight will feel less challenging, and you may start to see faint muscle definition on your body. Additionally, you might experience increased energy levels on a daily basis.

Once you begin to receive this feedback, you'll be motivated to exercise more. With increased frequency, the feedback becomes more tangible, creating a positive cycle.

Post When You Hit The Gym, Leverage The Power of Community

I often post on social media when I'm at the gym. Getting responses from people, like likes or comments saying "Strong", "Huge", "Looking good!" acts as motivation to keep going.

As my body starts changing, I also get more positive feedback. This feedback keeps me motivated.

People love feeling acknowledged, so don't hesitate to compliment others!

Seeing friends post their workouts often motivates me to hit the gym the next day too.

Habit Tracking

Recording what you do each workout can help remind you of your progress and how long you've been at it.

This applies the Paper Clip Strategy from Atomic Habits. Originally, a salesperson put a paper clip in a jar for each call made, getting instant feedback. Seeing the jar full of paper clips at the end of the day was satisfying.

I keep a list of my workouts, checking them off as I complete them. The satisfaction from checking things off helps me maintain the habit.

Have A Workout Schedule

Having a set workout schedule reduces cognitive load. You don't have to figure out what to do when you get to the gym - you already know your plan and just need to execute it.

My schedule includes two sets each for chest, back, and legs. I alternate between two different workouts. One schedule can last at least three months, gradually increasing the weight each workout.

In The Beginning: Compound Exercises > Isolation Exercises

For office workers, we usually don't have much time for exercise. Hence, choosing compound exercises, which work multiple muscle groups at once, can be more efficient than isolation exercises.

If you follow a typical "chest, back, legs" split, training each muscle group just once or twice a week, that's not enough stimulation and you may not get the results you want.

Note: This is not against isolation exercises. It's just from the perspective of "low training frequency", compound exercises can better stimulate all body parts.

As you increase your training frequency, you can gradually transition from compounds to more isolation work.

Mindset

Don't Beat Yourself Up Over Missed Workouts

Sometimes work or life gets in the way and you miss a workout. The key is not to spiral and give up entirely. One missed session doesn't mean you've failed. It's crucial to get back on track right away.

Treat each missed workout as an independent event. It's not the first mistake that derails you, but repeatedly missing workouts. After each mistake, stop the bleeding and recommit.

The point isn't the act itself, but becoming the person who doesn't miss workouts. —— Atomic Habits

Find Your Why

Finding an exercise purpose that resonates with you is key to maintaining the habit.

Maybe it's to have the energy to explore the world, or stay healthy to keep learning and growing. Personally, I enjoy the challenge of obstacle course races, like Spartan race.

Don't Be A Slave To The Scale

From March until now I've only lost 4 kg.

While the weight loss isn't huge, many people say I look healthier and have more noticeable muscle tone.

Throughout your fitness journey, focus more on your body's changes and your perception of health rather than the numbers.

In Summary

Aside from these methods, one thought keeps me going to the gym:

When I hesitate to workout, I ask myself - have I ever regretted a workout? The answer is always "NO". I might regret skipping the gym or wasting time I could've spent there. That would stress me out more.

That's it, I hope this article can give you a little more direction when cultivating fitness habits!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Why Set Up a Personal Website?

As front-end engineers, most of us might thought about (or dreamed of) setting up our own websites. However, we may be held back by the curse of knowledge and the burden of perfectionism.

With our professional knowledge, we are aware of the intricacies of creating websites, and after understanding what it takes to make a website truly excellent, we tend to overthink or desire too much customization, which delays our actions.

Moreover, after writing on Medium for a while, I really couldn't stand it anymore. Medium is not very friendly towards the Chinese community, it doesn't have good SEO, and its article formatting is difficult to adjust. All these factors have deterred me from writing more articles.

Finally, taking advantage of my birthday, I decided to give myself a birthday gift and enthusiastically spent two days setting up my personal website.

During the construction process, looking at the semi-finished products I've built, I truly felt that I've grown. The construction this time was more proficient and quicker, and the end product was more satisfying.

Since 2019, my annual goal has been to set up a personal website, and I have finally achieved it!

Now that I've discussed my motivation for setting up a website, the next big question is: why write?

Why write?

1. To Satisfy Myself

I'm also notorious for posting long texts on FB, IG. I think I have a deep-seated desire to write, I just haven't found the right writing space.

2. Writing is Not the Product of Thinking, but Your Actual Thought Process

Those who write should have similar experiences: the more you write, the more you want to write. Through writing, we can have a dialogue with ourselves, organize our thoughts. I also use writing to clarify many requirements and processes. And usually, if you can write it out, it means you understand it.

3. Writing Can Transcends Time and Space

The book I'm reading now, "The Modern Times," is a work by Kotaro Isaka written in 2008. The article by Huli that I shared a while ago was shared in 2020. And here I am, in 2023, being influenced by their words.

I'm starting to anticipate the impact my words might have as time goes by. Of course, they might have no impact at all, but that's okay too.

4. To Spark Discussion

Writing down what you think and learn can clarify your thoughts, and occasionally, some passers-by may provide ideas and engage in discussions. The experience of discussing with others is undoubtedly precious and useful.

(However, I'd respectfully decline anyone who merely wants to criticize without constructive feedback.)

5. Practice English and Japanese

In addition to the benefits of writing mentioned above, practicing other languages is also helpful. I believe the fastest and most enlightening way to learn anything is through doing it. Start writing articles in the target language, and you can quickly accumulate understanding of vocabulary and grammar. It won't be easy at the beginning, but I believe it will be rewarding as you progress.

After discussed the "why," let's move on to the "how" (the technical choices)!

Technical Choices

As I'm a web engineer myself, I wouldn't consider Wordpress or other template websites. The time spent exploring these tools could be longer than writing by myself, and there's less sense of accomplishment and too many issues, haha.

I've sequentially tried

1. Next.js
2. Hexo
3. Astro
4. Docusaurus

After a grand tour, I've returned to Next.js. The main reasons for choosing it are:

1. I know how to write it, so there's no need to learn another tool.
2. Next.js can be used in my job, and it's being adopted by more and more companies.
3. Compared to other tools, I think Next.js is the most flexible and customizable. Whether you want to keep it very simple or make it flashy, you can do it. (Although I may not do that, I like having the option.)

Actually, my goal is quite simple: support multiple languages, Markdown format, table of contents, tags, dark mode, search functionality, comment section... etc. (It's not simple at all!)

If I were to write all these features myself, it would be really exhausting. But I also don't want to deal with the pitfalls of new tools (many Hexo Themes are not maintained anymore, Astro requires understanding a bunch of new syntax). I suddenly realized that even if I use Next.js, it doesn't mean I have to write everything by hand. There must be many people who have already created blog templates.

By using the keywords "nextjs blog template", I found tailwind-nextjs-starter-blog, and its i18n version. Finally, I used this version as the base and made modifications to create what you see now!

As for the domain, I buy it from GoDaddy. The suffix life is because of the content of the site would be anything I think, encounter.

Deployment is to use Vercel first, and then wait for the traffic to increase to see if I have to change it.

Current Planning and Expectations for the Website

The first thing, of course, is to move and translate the articles I've written before. I plan to post one per week! Practicing writing an English and Japanese article each week sounds about right (but reality is tough, we'll see how much I can actually do).

Content-wise, I expect it to cover web technology articles, reading notes, personal reflections, and some valuable shares!

As for functionalities, I will gradually develop features like "comments," "side table of contents," "support me," "newsletter," etc., and occasionally update the styles (to see if I can include some flashy animations).

In addition, I personally love watching anime and write novels in my spare time. However, it feels a bit chaotic to put them all here, so I might move them to another website in the future (or I might just dump everything here if I get lazy).

Thank you for reading up to this point, and stay tuned!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Continuing the method from last year, I made some adjustments this year, using the following key items and thoughts to review.

Why review in March?

• Even if last year was a mess, I still want to leave a trace. Writing it down is like taking a snapshot of myself at that time.
• I believe the future me will definitely thank the current me for writing it down, just like I am very grateful that the 2021 me did a review.

TOC

1. Annual Goals
2. Achievements, Milestones
3. Three Most Valuable Lessons
4. Three Best Decisions
5. Three Best Books
6. The Person Who Influenced Me the Most

Things not posted include "Happy Things", "People and Things to Thank", and "Cool Stuff", etc.

Annual Goals

Honestly, I don't remember, so this year can be said to be a mess. The only thing I remember is wanting to work in Japan, but I must say I didn't work hard enough at all.

Achievements, Milestones

1. Living in Japan for a month and a half

Successfully fulfilled the wish of playing passionately while young (also fulfilled the dream of envying others going on exchange during college)

Next, I hope to go abroad directly for work.

2. Passed JLPT N3

Just passed by one point above the passing score.

3. Lost 8 kg with a coach at the end of the year

• Gained 3 kg back after returning from abroad

4. Dared to speak English more and more, and completed two English interviews

5. More mature financially and mentally

1. Coaching classes, Japanese classes, going abroad
2. Able to cope with the accident of the company closing down
3. Not craving relationships so much, able to live relatively comfortably by myself

Three Most Valuable Lessons

Looking closely, the first two points are the same as 2021. It seems that one year is not enough to make me learn.

Therefore, I am also grateful to myself for recording last year, so I can know how much I have moved forward. If I am marking time, I must change other ways to improve the current situation.

Time, Time, Time.

• Start with myself
• Prioritize things properly
• Currently most hope to accumulate hard skills and learn Japanese well, but have not been investing time in it
• Before the career is stable, overly invested in writing, anime, and self-media (actually achieved little)
• Don't just find someone to accompany because of loneliness — previously it was love, this year it is friendship
• Mainly roommates, secondary are a bunch of casual acquaintance meals that consume me

Social media hurts me more than I imagined

There really isn't anything very important that must be said by me or by 2023. Before taking good care of myself, let's not think about what I can do for others.

• Don't rush to say, let yourself become substantial first

I really don't care that much about everyone's daily life, and often too lazy to reply. Maybe it's also because I haven't taken good care of myself.

When I am not very satisfied with my life, I keep receiving overly decorated positive messages.

Unconsciously picking it up to scroll, too much low-quality social interaction on it, and it makes me spend too much time replying to messages and posting updates.

I believe in my social skills. On this trip to Japan, I also found that interaction between people still requires face-to-face interaction. Social media is just a means for us to keep in touch.

It makes more sense for me to use the time managing social media to write my own weekly journal, systematically organizing and reviewing my thoughts.

Knowing is easy, doing is hard

• "Premise on myself", "Reduce recording, increase reflection", "Sleep early", "Stable practice of Japanese and English", "Regular exercise", "Priorities", etc.
• As mentioned above, concepts I knew from the beginning of the year or even 2021, the road between "knowing → doing" is very long, but I know I am moving forward steadily, so don't rush.

Three Best Decisions

1. One and a half months of independent travel in Japan
2. Participating in the Spartan Race
3. Participating in the Line Webtoon script contest

Three Best Books

I read too few books this year QQ, but if I were to say

1. Four Thousand Weeks
2. Gray Thinking
3. Isaka Kotaro's books (currently like Fish Story the most)

5 People Who Influenced You the Most

1. RK: Mutual stimulation in writing, encouraged me to write since 2021, and invited me to a small writing group, allowing me to regain my forgotten dream.
2. KT: The words he writes from time to time, his attitude towards writing and dreams, and his way of life all stimulate me. At the same time, he is a very powerful person worth learning from in all aspects.
3. OM: His love and achievement for what he does, although overall giving me malignant pressure, is also someone who constantly stimulates me to improve and gives me deeper and broader thinking.
4. BY: He never limits himself, spins a cocoon around himself, dares to dream, and this trait also got him many unexpected opportunities. Although luck plays a heavy role, I believe this trait makes him luckier.
5. Y: Brought me a lot of connections. Participating in his gatherings always teaches me a lot, giving me a lot of reflection on how to use my resources to achieve what I want to do.

Things That Made Me Painful This Year

Physique

• Improved after hiring a coach.

Loneliness

• Perhaps feeling lonely in the dead of night, but we will never be alone.
• Made quite a few bad choices due to loneliness, such as agreeing to attend gatherings too often, putting aside things I should do.

Peer Anxiety

• Most problems are not "not enough", but not having more than others.
• This mindset needs to be dealt with this year.

Spending too much time on creation, not taking care of the main job and the plan to go to Japan

• Discovered at work that I am actually not suitable for WFH
• Japanese learning steps never stabilized

Continuously suffering from social media, many updates make me unhappy

• Still too easily influenced by others

Renewing the lease on the rental place was a bad decision

• The room has no windows, poor ventilation, and nothing to eat around
• Sound insulation is too poor (sounds of cars passing by are too obvious)

2023/03 All the above pains have found solutions and adjustments, thumbs up.

Reflecting on 2022

Comfortable, relaxed but painful. For a 24–25 year old, it is not an ideal lifestyle.

2022 was not a very good year to pass. I really lived very unhappily. 80% of the time I was struggling and suffering from various things. Some were worrying about nothing, some were things one wouldn't know without experiencing.

2021 was in "transition", 2022 is still "transitioning"!

But indeed, it opened up many possibilities and tried a lot of things. It was a year of knowing myself better.

I started writing seriously, participated in the webtoon writer contest held by Line WEBTOON, and found friends to write with.

I started exercising seriously, taking A-Ji's Muay Thai class, A-Guan's coaching class, doing physical therapy, taking Senior JoJo's fitness knowledge class, and starting to take responsibility for my physique and health. (Mainly because I was scared when I got fat to 80 kg in the middle of the year)

I started preparing for my dream, learning Japanese seriously, practicing English. I've been talking about liking Japan for so long, finally started.

Finally, I started facing my career squarely.

The most regrettable thing in 2022 is that I still spent too much time on unworthy people and things. This is not negative, it's just that our paths are different, or those things are not helpful to the direction I want to move forward, just wearing down my time.

In 2023, I want to be more seriously aware of the people and things that are important to me.

My life has always been too easily taken away by others' rhythm, and I have set too many imaginary enemies in my heart.

This year I finally realized that I don't need to accept that information. Choosing not to compare with them is not escaping, but focusing more on myself and being responsible for myself more thoroughly.

About 2023

Looking at the 2022 review above might feel very negative, but actually, I have also figured out a lot of things and am no longer hesitant.

Using "Introduction, Development, Transition, Conclusion", 2019 and before was "Introduction", 2019 ~ 2021 was "Transition", 2022 was "Development", I hope 2023 can be "Conclusion". Converging past pain, accumulation, and growth, letting resources fall into place, mindset positioned, more firmly on my own dream, moving forward steadfastly!

Work

Achieved the stage goal, changed a job (actually because the previous company suddenly closed down haha)

• Currently feel that the degree of freedom is high, there are many things to try, CTO has high EQ and strong technical skills.
• Although the treatment cannot be compared with many people around me, reviewing it, I did grow year by year and did not stop.
• If comparing, it really never ends, but having only been in society for a few years, let's focus on self-growth and mental health first!

Interpersonal Relationships

• In various big and small matters, I can recognize that there are many friends around me who care about me very much, and I also feel love.
• But life is short, we cannot afford to waste time on the wrong people. Hope to allow myself to have the spare energy to accompany important people.
• For relationships, love yourself first before you can love others, but this year I feel I can be a bit more active.

Health

• Still a fat otaku currently, but gradually established exercise habits last year, and less resistant to weight training.
• Participated in a comprehensive transformation plan in March, from physical training, nutritional management, and living habits, there have been great changes. If continuing at this pace, quite looking forward to my future self.

Finance

• Resumed the habit of bookkeeping since the middle of last year, and roughly understood my consumption habits. Aiming to start asset allocation and possess passive income this year.

Dream

• JLPT at least N2
• Stable writing

The overall goal is to make myself a person with more "Yuyu" (margin/spare energy).

Taking "having margin" to pay for dreams as the goal of 2023. Step by step, after all, I don't have that capital to chase dreams too early. I chased briefly in 2022 and was convinced that all aspects (body, mind, spirit, material) were not in place yet. But I believe as long as I keep it in mind and don't give up, the dream will be there waiting for me to realize it.

• Actually, economically achieved a little bit. Going abroad for a month and a half and the company suddenly closed down, almost didn't have to worry about expenses. Feeling touched to go from not having enough food to having this margin.

Finally, 2023 GOGOGO!!!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

I have been writing and editing this article for about a month. Actually, later on, I just added a little bit when I thought of something. It is a bit long, and most of it is written for myself. If you are interested in the thoughts of a non-CS liberal arts graduate transitioning to a software engineer for three years, feel free to take a look.

(Hope to be more regular later, reviewing once a year won't be this long haha)

Why review? Actually, it is to summarize what I have been doing in these three years. As a software engineer (or modern person), knowledge anxiety is a very common thing. But reviewing what you have done regularly, knowing how far you have come, what areas are unsatisfactory, what the next step is and how to adjust, will greatly reduce anxiety about the present. The Importance of Summarizing | by Denny

What I Did Before Becoming a Software Engineer

I studied Philosophy at NCCU. From freshman to senior year, I took courses in Business Management, Psychology, Sociology, and Information Management. In my junior year, I worked as an insurance sales agent at Fubon for a year and a half. Working as a salesperson let me know that I like contacting people, but I don't want to contact people when working.

After leaving the insurance industry, I actively engaged in sociological research. In the second semester of my senior year, I submitted a college student research project to the Ministry of Science and Technology. After the project was approved in the first semester of my fifth year, I wrote a cultural study thesis analyzing IG. During this period, I understood the difficulty of pursuing academia and decided not to pursue it.

Software Career Review

TL;DR

• In university, the first benefactor: My opportunity to write code
• At work, the second benefactor: I started to understand what "writing code" is about
• Before leaving, the third benefactor: Gently mentored me, progressively led me to develop some cool stuff, and also helped me build confidence.
• Current status: Will talk about it below.

2018.10 Joined a study group organized by a friend, becoming the starting point of my software career

• When working as a salesperson, a client who was a software engineer sparked my curiosity about the software industry. Then it just happened that a friend I met through dancing wanted to start a web frontend study group. I joined without thinking too much at that time. My friend originally thought I would quit myself if I couldn't learn it, however - my software career started by accident like this.
• Thinking back to the level at this time, it was probably having never heard of HTML, CSS, JS. Just knowing the basic concepts that "HTML is the skeleton of the website, CSS is the style of the website, and JS writes interaction logic" took me a long time.

2019.04 Started Internship

• Actually, this internship also came very suddenly.
• At that time, I thought I couldn't make a living by coding yet (in fact, it was true), so I first interviewed for a Dcard community marketing intern. After not getting in, I was thinking about whether to work part-time at a cafe.
• But the company of that friend who organized the study group happened to be recruiting inexperienced interns, and then I became a web development intern without knowing how to write JS.
• During the internship, it was actually very painful. My friend thought I should solidify my basic skills before coming in, and I agreed very much after coming in, but at the same time, I am very grateful for this honing that allowed me to step into the software industry faster.
• In summary, I feel that this time was like a period of "wanting to fly before knowing how to walk". When I couldn't write JS, I had to start writing React, and things written would directly enter the product.

2020.02 Converted to Full-time

• Before converting to full-time, I went around the island for a week and a half, went to Japan for a week, and then prepared to formally start my software career.
• After converting to full-time, except for formally becoming an office worker and having a little more salary, the overall feeling was about the same as the previous stage.
• I was still struggling, even my ability to debug myself was very insufficient. Often just writing a few lines of web pages would crash, opening the console found a sea of red, and then I looked to the colleague next to me for help.
• Around July, a very senior frontend engineer joined our company. He was very strong and willing to share. I benefited a lot from listening to his sharing in the company's internal study group at that time, so I started to cling to him to ask questions, and later also started to write projects with him — Taking this as a dividing point, I started to understand what "writing code" is about.
• He is the second big benefactor in my career. (The first is that friend who started the study group)

2020.09 Military Service

2021.09 Resignation

• Internship plus full-time for two and a half years, I left the first company I worked for because of "salary, growth, and wanting to make products".
• First, that senior engineer mentioned above left, and that benefactor friend who brought me in also left. Although another senior engineer came in between, he was the third benefactor in my career. He mentored me in a very gentle way (the one who left taught very well, but often made me feel like I was a retard), but he also left within less than a year, so I judged that the growth of continuing to stay here would be very limited.
• Secondly, this company is an outsourcing company, so many things are thrown out after development. It is actually difficult to touch subsequent maintenance and integration. And during development, it was often stuck due to customers' weird requirements and schedules. Development processes like Scrum also couldn't run well. I want to know more practically how a SaaS (Software as a Service) runs in the market, rather than packaging and selling to customers after developing something that works.
• Finally, it's the salary. The numbers are clear, so there is nothing much to say.

2021.10.18 Entered Current Company

• Rested for 18 days after resignation, I entered the current company, which will be mentioned in the current status section below.

Why Choose This Time Point to Review? Why Three Years?

Three years, is the time I got rid of the imposter, and became the real deal.

I started to understand what writing code means after writing code for about a year, and only recently truly identified myself as a software engineer. I finally feel that I am qualified. When calling myself a "software engineer", I no longer feel a little guilty. So, I dare to post this article.

I finally walked out of "Imposter Syndrome".

Why Did It Take Three Years to Affirm Myself?

Besides being a person lacking self-confidence myself, there are three other reasons.

1. Possibility

   In these three years, I have always been exploring possibilities, whether it is the possibility of other career developments or my own possibility in software engineering. In short, I have always been unsure if I have that ability, and didn't know if I wanted to be a software engineer.

2. Escaping is not shameful, but I always chose to escape

   My mindset was not strong enough. Facing anxiety and discomfort of not being able to write, I often chose to escape instead of solving the problem. But actually, this can also be said that I didn't believe in myself enough, and was too anxious to force myself to write it out. Finally, after finding that I was too used to escaping, I forced myself to face it. Later I found that in software development, as long as you are willing to spend time and actively look for methods, you can definitely solve the problem. Because almost everything you want to do has been done by someone, Google can definitely find the answer. And sometimes it's just that you were assigned a problem that exceeded your ability too much or was too weird to handle.

3. Successfully found the second job as a software engineer

   Actually, I have always been afraid that my software engineer career was just a flash in the pan. After all, before joining the study group, I had nothing to do with writing code. I was not familiar with computers, and my math was not good (failed Math Yi so couldn't get into business school). And my image in the first company was also somewhat set. The boss didn't have much expectation for me, nor would he assign any important work to me. But after two or three months of intensive preparation, making up for many classic JS interview questions, and starting to grind Leetcode, then interviewed with a few companies, finally got two Offers, and after rejecting one of them, I even got retained by the supervisor, and the salary also went up a level. This greatly enhanced my confidence.

Below I will elaborate on some methodologies of how I affirm myself.

How Did I Affirm Myself?

This will start from the problems I encountered when I was a rookie

1. Don't know if I am asking stupid questions
2. Don't know how to measure my progress, whether the direction of my effort is correct
3. Don't know if I am qualified enough

Don't Know If I Am Asking Stupid Questions

• As long as you ask questions correctly, there are no stupid questions
• How to ask correctly: "At least verify information first, sort out logic, describe the problem as carefully as possible, and confirm with the other party if there is any misunderstanding that caused the Bug."
• In short, don't be a free-rider.
• Recommended reading: Precise Questioning Technique You Should Learn on the First Day of Work

Don't Know How to Measure My Progress, Whether the Direction of My Effort Is Correct

• The simplest and most brutal way is "Go for interviews". After all, learning so much is to apply it, to fight in actual work. So if you are not sure about your current level or if you learned well, the Senior of the other party will let you know during the interview.
• Otherwise, judge from the following ways:
  1. Target company's JD, see if there are any Technology Stacks you don't know yet.
  2. If you know all Stacks, then directly search "XXX Interview", you will see many questions. Of course, there will be some filler questions, but I think the general direction can be grasped like this.
     • ex: React Interview
  3. If you want to be solid, follow Developers Roadmap to learn, but for the choice of some tools, it is still recommended to see what the company you want to go to uses.

Don't Know If I Am Qualified Enough

When I only stayed in the first company, I was always worried that I wouldn't find a job if I left there.

We fear because of the unknown.

After I started interviewing, I slowly stopped worrying about this, because I started to understand how the interview process runs. At first, I would definitely fail a few companies, but reviewing from these wrong experiences, I would know that interview questions are much the same (at least for Junior Level, those serve as classic questions). After that, it is constantly in the cycle of "Interview, Review, Supplement Knowledge".

And after entering the current company, I found that my speed of getting started is actually not slow (according to colleagues). In projects using different frameworks (Vue), I can quickly help Debug and contribute value. This greatly improved my self-confidence.

Next is the slightly cliché part. I will talk about before the interview, that is, when I deeply felt that I was not ready yet, how I felt that I was ready.

First, work very hard. Learning programming fits "Plateau Phenomenon" very well, please see the picture directly.

Next is Learn, Practice, Balance

Learn

• Learning, whether absorbing knowledge from seniors, friends, videos or articles.
• And constantly iterate your learning method during the learning process. Accustomed to learning by doing? Doing after learning? Watching videos? Reading articles? Take notes or not? How to take notes? Whether to output notes into blog to train expression? etc.

Practice

• "Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous" (Although I dislike Confucianism, I have to say this sentence is really good)
• After learning, the next step is to "do it". Always talking on paper actually feels very ungrounded.
• And on the road of web development, there are thousands of ways to have problems, like local settings, code versions, package versions, browsers etc., even missing a punctuation mark or typing a wrong word will cause errors.
• So things learned have a very very very high possibility of not being applicable to your current project.
• At this time, if you have done it once before, at least it will be much more grounded, knowing that this method is indeed feasible. It's just that to coordinate with the environment of the current project, some more settings need to be done. Thus, the scope of the problem can be initially reduced, not completely clueless.
• And being completely clueless is very easy to happen when learning for the first time. You completely don't know where to start with an Error.
• The best thing about software engineering is that you can build your own world between 0 and 1 just by typing on the keyboard.

Balance

• Life cannot only have writing code.

source

• Software engineers generally have serious knowledge anxiety, and actually many industries in contemporary times have similar problems.
  • Recommend reading this: [https://www.ithome.com.tw/voice/152322?fbclid=IwAR2s3bhNPmb2\_\_0djF9pclaQ4TO8lCf8r0HCTzntLEi3Wvs0PCIZixpQp9w]
• Realizing the need for balance was after I started fitness and learning Japanese.
  • Fitness made me feel that my physical strength and body shape are moving in a good direction. Dopamine produced by exercise also makes me less prone to anxiety. After physical strength improved and eating healthily, I rarely feel drowsy during the day, and sleep better.
  • Japanese is because I like Japan very much. Being closer to the culture I like makes me feel very happy. And language is much simpler compared to programming. You get it if you memorize and practice. This simple and brutal feedback also makes me more confident in myself, and this confidence can also extend to myself writing code.

Fitness makes me feel that my physical strength and body shape are moving in a good direction. Dopamine produced by exercise also makes me less prone to anxiety. After physical strength improved and eating healthily, I rarely feel drowsy during the day, and sleep better.

Japanese is because I like Japan very much. Being closer to the culture I like makes me feel very happy. And language is much simpler compared to programming. You get it if you memorize and practice. This simple and brutal feedback also makes me more confident in myself, and this confidence can also extend to myself writing code.

Finally, talk more with people & scroll Twitter & grind Leetcode thoughts

These three things made me understand that I have no problem. The frustration I face in writing code is a universal experience. Just like a comment area of [Leetcode - Coin Change] solution

• It turns out that I am not the only one who breaks down in front of the computer because I can't solve it, and then still don't understand after reading the solution!

• Not being able to write is not one's own problem, but just like ordinary people, need to go through the process from not knowing to knowing.

• Some difficult things are just difficult. It is possible to learn for several days, several weeks or even half a year or a year. And everyone walks through step by step like this. Then seeing my CS major friend not much more relaxed than me when grinding Leetcode, made me realize that everyone has gone through the same stage as me!

• After breaking down, after emotion passes, should start learning.

• Process: "Look at Code directly -> Google finding articles, solutions -> Youtube watching videos detailed explanation frame by frame -> Ask people directly."

• If can't understand Code, read text. Directly google the question to see if anyone explains it. If interpretation is still not understood, watch video. Actually a bunch of people on yt are filming detailed explanations. Explaining line by line and attaching flowcharts. Pausing while watching taking longer time will definitely understand.

• I consider myself not a very smart person, but following this process, willing to spend time, I almost haven't encountered things I really can't learn. Just might need to spend a lot of time, supplement a lot of edge knowledge, but definitely can happen.

My Current Status

Career

I am now in a startup company. There are only me and my supervisor as engineers. Need to handle two frontends (about to integrate into one), one backend admin, one unified backend, and an advertising backend developed for a partner company. The salary in the third year is already about double that of the first year, but compared to many people around, it is still just ordinary.

Originally expected to be full-stack when coming here, but because still didn't have much concept of backend, only occasionally can help open API, mainly still responsible for frontend part. Also because the company is too small and experienced some changes, actually many times couldn't concentrate on writing Code. Been here for almost a year, feeling of marking time is majority. Recently stabilized and started to be more fulfilling, preparing to write all frontend by myself, and there will be two senior full-stacks helping Code Review, hope to have some growth!

Technical Stack

Currently mine is not much, have a certain level but not too solid. But have more methods on what to learn, what want to learn and how to learn things solidly.

Basically I can make basic requirements related to frontend, but making it is just the first step. Continuous integration optimization, system design etc. still have a lot needs to be strengthened.

Projects I participated in

1. Theater Venue ERP (Original paper process fully online)
2. Theater Venue Official Website
3. Gym ERP (Including employee, course scheduling, contract, product etc. management screens)
4. Custom React UI Library (Open Source)
5. Landing Page of a product
6. ERP for enterprise and influencer discussing business matching
7. Blog advertising platform (Side Project shouted for a long time but didn't start work)

The more challenging one inside should be React UI Library. Experiences of other ERPs are much the same. Mainly also structured by a senior, I just went in to implement.

Next Step?

Career

Engineer's career development is divided into Engineer Manager and Individual Contributor. In the future, would like to develop towards Engineer Manager, but this also requires jumping to a company with that kind of system and scale first! Recommended reading: Cultivation and Growth of Software Engineers , Podcast

Technical Stack

Pay off technical debt, organize technology of projects handled, problems dealt with, and things didn't understand when writing at first. Ensure won't be stumped by questions related to projects during interview. Next is "Go Deep" and "Go Wide".

Go Deep

• Mainly JS, TS and React / Vue need to be more familiar. React is still the majority after all, and Vue is the main development framework of current company.

Go Wide

• Basic functions of various roles in Web life cycle (FE, BE, SRE, DevOps, DBA) should at least be known. After all, will touch a little when going to the back. Actually it's like concept that Google's SRE definitely writes Frontend better than me. But strictly speaking it's just basic. Probably just do some Side Projects to go through everything once.
• Internet
• Security
• If possible, touch other languages more, Rust, Golang, Java / Kotlin etc.

Besides depth and width, Leetcode, data structures and various algorithms are also continuously accumulating. Now is writing at least one question every day, write more if have time, and finish grinding basic question types [Blind 75] first.

Although these things are all listed, none of them is a small topic. Just learn slowly at a pace that won't crush myself, see how much I can learn when reviewing next year!

Conclusion

Review my original intention of being a software engineer:

Yearning for "Craftsmanship Spirit", free working mode and possibilities contained in software industry. Always worshipped that kind of craftsman who sharpens a sword for ten years in my heart, and writing software can exactly build various cool web pages or systems. (But discovering didn't do any Side Projects after writing for three years, really need to not forget original intention hey)

If I could chat with me three years ago, I would tell him:

1. About early stage of career change, laying good foundation and choosing right company is very important. In best case, can find relatively complete system, have mentor or at least someone who can guide you. I feel my career choices stumbled so far. If do it again, I will definitely enter a company with some scale first. But actually there were also trade-offs of many realistic factors at the beginning.
2. Software engineer is a profession that can't be without love. Without love, you will be very painful. Because things we need to learn are too many. If you don't like software, I can hardly imagine you can invest so much time and energy in this.
3. Engineer is indeed a quite comfortable profession. Not too many rules, free commuting, can work remotely, can work anywhere as long as there is computer. Salary generally has medium-high level. Although ceiling of software in Taiwan is relatively low, going abroad or in foreign companies can still have very good development. (Same, choice is more important than effort, choose company carefully.)
4. Career change from non-related major is really not easy. Behind successful cases you see are more people who jumped ship halfway. (Survivorship Bias) Jumping ship is not necessarily insufficient ability, might just purely be no interest. Career change requires effort and opportunity (for ordinary people). That kind of very smart people will succeed in whatever they do. Like I am not. There were really too many luck components along the way. But I am very grateful to myself who was willing to try that year, and benefactors met along the way.
5. Possibility won't be shrunk because you work hard in software industry I am actually quite sure that thing I want to do most is not writing software. But speaking of "job", my best choice now is writing software. Go to cultivate more in field interested in if have spare energy. Try to balance dream and reality. (What I want to do most is creation or sharing probably. Possible directions are writer, blogger or lecturer etc. But no matter which one I still can't use to make a living, so just seize time to enrich myself while taking good care of main job!)

Throughout article actually seems no key points, just recording a little mental journey. Mostly talking to myself. Thank you and hard work to readers who read up to here!

—

Finally, thank benefactors met in these three years: Xiaobai, Steven, Bob, Jay Chen, Jay Chou, Boogie Yan, Kyle Mo.

Every one of you gave me motivation and direction to continue moving forward, so that I wouldn't jump ship halfway. Now, I have sailed to the Grand Line, ready to continue to venture in the New World.

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Although I do an annual review every year, as I grow older and accumulate social experience, and since what I do each year is quite different, the way I review each year is actually quite different.

But this year I finally found a review method that I am relatively satisfied with:

1. Ask myself some big-picture questions first
2. Organize my weekly journals
3. Roughly see what I did every day from the calendar

Some big-picture questions aka Soul-searching questions

These eight questions are not difficult to answer, but they can help me think through several important aspects of the past year. Below I will talk about "Three Most Valuable Lessons". I won't list the others one by one, everyone just needs to have their own answers!

1. Goals and achievements reached this year
2. Unexpected goals and achievements reached
3. Three most valuable lessons
4. Three best decisions
5. Three most adventurous things
6. Three best books
7. 5 people who influenced you the most this year
8. Happy things this year (no upper limit, happiness is unlimited)

Weekly Journal and Calendar

Basically, a weekly journal is a running account of what happened each week. Every Sunday night, I set aside half an hour to write down my evaluation of the week and what I did. Sometimes I thought I didn't do anything, but unexpectedly achieved some things, or I didn't do much, but actually I was quite happy and it was interesting.

The calendar faithfully records what I was doing every hour of every day. Occasionally I feel that I remember things a bit too trivially, but having a record gives me confidence. When I am in a slump or doing an annual review, I can know what I usually do, and thereby find ways to adjust my life state faster, or even feel that I am actually doing great! (X

I really feel that doing this set is very helpful. It makes me understand that even if I didn't achieve my annual goals, it doesn't mean I was messing around all year. It avoids me magnifying my failures or negative emotions, only remembering what I didn't do or didn't do well, while ignoring other things I silently achieved.

Or I might arbitrarily set some goals at the beginning of the year, but those are just things I "felt" I "should" do. In my heart, there represent other things I wanted to do more, and I actually finished them without knowing it.

For me, a big benefit of the annual review is this:

Be aware of the things that are truly important to me, rather than doing things to conform to social perceptions, others' expectations, or old self-identities.

If I continue not to clarify what I "feel I should" do versus what I "want" to do, I will feel more and more disconnected from myself, always busy but just busying blindly, missing the point, 🦐.

For example, I have a goal of reading books almost every year, and in 2021 I also set a goal of "reading 20 books", but in fact, I only read 3.

At first, I couldn't accept myself like this. This completion rate made me very disappointed in myself. But later I saw that I actually learned a lot in programming this year, made up for a lot of technical debt, wrote for the Ironman contest to sort out the knowledge of component libraries, got good Feedback when sharing in the study group, tried out the three mainstream frontend frameworks, and finally started writing backend, etc.

This made me realize that my original purpose for setting 20 books was "knowledge" and "self-growth". So what does it matter if I didn't get it in the form of "books" today? And if I really finished 20 books and absorbed knowledge from various industries and fields, but was not familiar enough with web development which I rely on for a living, wouldn't that be putting the cart before the horse?

The preface seems to be too long, let's come back to talk about 2021.

In terms of introduction, development, transition, and conclusion, this year is "development" (continuation).

Beginning of the year: Just came back from military service, still adapting to society and work;

Mid-year: Moved house, had a higher degree of control over life, and also took advantage of the epidemic level 3 alert period to spend a lot of time with myself and talk to myself;

End of the year: Changed jobs, more confident in my web development ability, economic status tended to be stable, and also had spare energy to develop other interests, such as hiking, fitness, writing, running self-media, etc.

2021 actually had a lot of pain for me, and there probably weren't many happy times, but correspondingly, I grew a lot. Mainly, the imposter syndrome of switching to a software engineer has alleviated with the increase of knowledge. I started to be able to weigh inputs, practice enjoying the process, and finally tried many things I always wanted to do.

About the three valuable lessons of 2021

1. I cannot keep all friends, fate cannot be grasped

I've always heard a metaphor from somewhere — "Even a webbed hand cannot hold all the water in it" (The protagonist I heard about at the beginning was even Buddha, but I can't find it so I won't mislead people).

This metaphor says that when we cup water in our hands, the water will flow away through the fingers. And if we have webs, although it won't flow away through the fingers, most of it will still flow away from the edge of the palm, leaving only a small puddle of water in the palm. For me, friends and fate are like water, and we can only try our best to keep what we can, and inevitably watch most of it flow away.

My past self really tried too hard to hold on to all the friends I knew and wanted to keep in touch with everyone, but this only made me burn out. The result is that those who will leave will leave.

2. Leave time for myself, live with "myself" as the starting point, learn to say "no"

This is somewhat related to the first point. It was also because I wanted to maintain all relationships too much, so I paid a lot of time. At the same time, I wasn't very good at refusing many gatherings. I always convinced myself that it was rare to get together or to relieve loneliness, and gave almost every night and holiday to others. The result of continuous accumulation was that I couldn't focus on the moment when I was with friends. I only thought about what I hadn't done in my mind. The result was low social quality and things that should be done were not done.

And the previous step of time management is "leave time for yourself". Only when you have time can you manage it. I always missed the point, constantly iterating management methods, but ignoring the most important premise.

"Leaving it to yourself" actually means "reducing gatherings", "learning to say no" and "solitude".

(If contact is lost because of leaving time for myself, then that is "fate")

Some roads can only be walked by oneself, and only after walking through can one get along with friends in a more complete and healthy state.

3. Enjoy the process, not the result

After entering society, hard work no longer has an end. You must constantly satisfy yourself in the process.

This point is the same as what I read in Atomic Habits (shilling the 📖 Atomic Habits book summary I wrote before). The general idea is that we often feel that we can relax and be happy only after achieving something, but in fact, this idea constantly postpones enjoyment. When we achieve a goal, the next goal follows, so we can never really be happy.

But if we can enjoy what we are doing, we don't have to wait until we "finish" it to be happy and relax.

This point is the hardest of the three. I am still gradually adjusting now, but this year, after I used the concept of Atomic Habits + OKR to think and plan my life, the difficulty of enjoying the process has been greatly reduced.

The concept is to first clarify "identity", have a vague understanding of oneself (Objective), and then think about which things I am doing or want to do correspond to these identities, and which things I am doing do not, so as to find out a few things in life that I will regret not doing (Key Result). The rest is simple. Just split the tasks into things to do for the year, quarter, month, and week, and adjust at any time according to the status. (In the next article, I will share how I use Notion to implement this process!)

In summary, although the goal achievement rate in 2021 was a mess, I am actually very satisfied with myself at the end of 2021. It sounds weird, maybe I really set a lot of things that I didn't need to achieve, and at the same time achieved some things I really wanted to do?

Finally, thank you to everyone who saw this. I hope everyone is well in 2022!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Habit change depends on space located, and cues in front.

Four Steps of Habit Functioning  —  Habit Loop

Let's review "Definition" and "Goal" of habit first 👇

• Definition: So-called habit, is behavior repeated enough times to be automated
• Goal: Solve problems in life with "least energy and effort".

Then specifically, how does "constant repetition" achieve "automation", and further become a habit?

Best way to understand a big theme is to dismantle it!

• Therefore book dismantles habit into four steps, and calls it "Habit Loop". Following uses scrolling phone as example to explain:

1. Cue (Something reminds you to do that thing): Reminds you existence of "phone".
2. Craving (Inner desire stimulated by cue): Your craving for scrolling phone, more precisely, scrolling phone can make you feel satisfied.
3. Response (Thoughts generated or actions taken based on craving): You actually take out phone and start scrolling.
4. Reward (Result obtained after responding to craving, taking action): Contacting others, satisfaction from posting updates, gaming experience of mobile games etc.

Four aspects indispensable

• Cue triggers craving, craving stimulates response, response provides reward, reward satisfies craving, looping around, connects with cue again, cycling like this.
• Missing first three steps, behavior won't happen; missing fourth step, behavior won't be repeated

Now we know loop of habit functioning. Following will introduce how we cultivate good habits and eradicate bad habits in each step.

Remember big principle: What we rely on is not willpower, but understanding habits correctly. Before being designed (tempted) by big environment, we design ourselves first.

Law 1 of Building Habits: Make Cue Obvious

Here, we need to establish a concept first: "Motivation is overestimated, environment often more important".

A study mentioned in book also points out: People choose products often not because "what makes" product, but "where is" product.

Habit change depends on space located, and cues in front.

Most common form of change is not internal, but external. We are changed by things around us. Every habit depends on context. And in this, "Visual cue is strongest catalyst for humans".

• Our reliance on vision is far higher than other senses. Creating obvious visual cues can draw your attention to habit you want.

Want to let good habit become a part of life, let cue become a part of environment first

Make sure to make best choice become most obvious. When cue of good habit is right in front of your eyes, making better decision becomes relaxed and natural.

Environment design lets you take back control, become architect of life. Don't be just a customer of world you are in, also become its designer.

Environment is not full of objects, but full of relationships.

Two Most Common Cues: Time and Location

People who make exact plan on when and where to execute a new habit are more likely to really execute.

• Many people think they lack motivation, actually what they lack is clarity.
• Time and location to take action are not always obvious. Some people spent whole life waiting for correct timing to improve self.
• Therefore, book provided simple action mantra as below 👇

Mantra: I will perform "behavior" at "time" in "location".

• Take myself as example. When rushing thesis before, I told myself every day to go to XXX Cafe (Location) to write thesis (Behavior) after leaving company at 7:30 (Time).

There is another way  —  "Habit Stacking"

Core concept of this method is "bind wanted behavior with original habit".

Habit stacking allows you to create a set of simple rules guiding future behaviors, as if you always have execution plan for what to do next.

• Book also provided simple mantra 👇

After finishing "current habit", I will execute "new habit".

Basic version: After brushing teeth every morning, I will drink a cup of warm water.

Advanced version (Want to cultivate habit of reading more every night): Wake up → Make bed → Put a book on pillow.

• This way when you want to sleep, book is right on your pillow. Then might as well flip a few pages to read!

Things You Still Need to Know About Cue

1. New environment easier to change habits

Because you don't have to deal with cues of old environment. To change habits in old environment, we must realize old habits first and remind ourselves constantly, then can change habits slowly.

• This is also why we often think moving house, changing job or changing a cafe is a brand new start. Because cues of habits haven't been established in new environment yet. We naturally can re-establish habits.

Want to feel yourself in a new environment, just change layout of furnishings slightly

• Take home as example: Change orientation of desk or bed, you will feel it is a new environment.
• Take phone as example: Periodically change layout of APPs. Flow of you opening phone and clicking APP usually will be disrupted. You will be harder to find commonly used APPs. Can slightly fight against addictive APPs. (I use this to let myself briefly abstain from FB, IG or entertainment APPs)

2. One space, one use

When cues of environment overlap, winner is often easier side.

For example, I wanted to practice "working at home" very much before. But I usually succeeded for a week, but failed for a month. Because space of home for me simultaneously has two uses of "relaxing and slacking" and "working seriously". Predictably I usually chose relaxing and slacking.

• This also explains why many people can only work seriously in library or cafe.

But don't want to go to company on holidays, cafe costs money. Can home only be for relaxing?

Answer is of course Negative. Actually just use habit stacking is fine.

simply put, find out small habit you have every time when working seriously, realize it at home too.

• For example, you wear formal suit when working. Wearing formal suit is your small habit when serious. Then when you want to work at home, also put on formal suit. You will naturally have a feeling wanting to work well. Following this feeling, as long as wearing formal suit at home you can work well.
• Method is of course not limited to this one. You can discover your own serious small habit yourself.

What if no serious small habit? Then cultivate a habit.

For me, it is my small wooden table.

• Whenever I want to work seriously at home, will take out small wooden table. As long as wooden table appears, tell myself now want to work seriously. And when I put away wooden table, it is to relax well. At beginning might still be a bit relaxed, but over time, when taking out wooden table, I can naturally enter serious state.

Digital space is also space

Besides physical space, for modern people, space of phone, tablet, computer also must be managed seriously. Because they already occupied too much time of our lives.

Here I want to speak on a practical case: "Alarm".

Emphasize again: We expect a thing to be multi-functional. The most used is often easier function, not function we need at that moment.

Phone has alarm function yes. But it also has social media, manga reader, NETFLIX. Therefore every time after we set alarm before sleep, we just will open other APPs to scroll again. This scrolling starts from half an hour. We thus sleep late for half an hour. Same when waking up. After we turn off alarm, will also lie in bed continue scrolling. Finally go out only when almost late.

• Therefore, here I suggest everyone not to bring phone into room. Change alarm to use "Physical one". Want to scroll phone, leave bed then scroll.

Reverse of Law 1: Make Cue Invisible

Once habit is established, as long as cue in environment appears again, craving for action follows

If cue is not handled carefully, will instead trigger behavior you want to stop.

Bad habit is self-catalyzing. Bad habit promotes emotions it attempts to numb.

• Crazy binge-watching makes you lethargic, spent too much time again. But you continue watching because having no time and energy to do other things.
• You are anxious because smoking is harmful to health. But seeing disgusting photo on cigarette pack generates more anxiety. Thus smoked another cigarette to relieve anxiety.

Cue triggers craving

An external stimulus caused a compulsive craving wanting to repeat bad habit. Once noticed something, you start to want.

One of most practical ways to eliminate a bad habit is to reduce exposure to cues stimulating this bad habit.

• Like binge-watching: Don't install drama watching APP in phone. Don't put in web bookmarks, favorites.

Here also provide my method:

• Because I bought a tablet, so I installed all entertainment APPs (Manga reader, Animation crazy) on tablet. Therefore tablet became a hint for binge-watching. I can only binge-watch when picking it up. Rest of time is focusing on doing current things.
• And if no tablet, might consider using bookmarks of another browser. Like Safari bookmarks put entertainment webpages, Google Chrome put practical webpages.

Secret of Self-control

In short term, you can use willpower to overpower temptation; In long run, we remain product of environment we live in.

Author in book said more bluntly, I haven't seen anyone can always maintain positive habits in negative environment.

• Self-control is a short-term strategy, not applicable to long term. You might be able to resist temptation once or twice, but unlikely to let willpower override desire every time. Rather than drumming up willpower every time wanting to do right thing, better use energy to optimize environment located.

This is secret of self-control: Make cues of good habits obvious, make cues of bad habits invisible.

Conclusion

Want to make behavior stable and predictable, need stable and predictable environment.

As psychologist Jung said:

"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate."

• There are too many things we do subconsciously in our daily life. Those things are our daily habits. And these habits are often just result of environment.
• Take scrolling phone as example: You put phone in pocket, on table or any place you can see. It being there itself equals to a hint calling to go scroll phone.

Following are Law 2~4. But considering hoping length of one article not too long, also let everyone do not practice too many methods at once. Finishing talking about cue this time, can start improving own habits from this part of cue first. Step by step gradually. Please go to book to explore remaining parts readers!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Preface

This book teaches not psychological techniques of "self-motivation" or "strengthening willpower", but how to still achieve your goals when willpower is insufficient.

In the modern age where smartphones reign supreme, people find it increasingly difficult to resist temptations on their own. After all, these temptations (such as TV series, mobile games, etc.) are readily available, and there are countless people behind them meticulously designing to make us fall. Speaking for myself, I love reading manga and watching anime very much. Often chase a whole season at once, sacrificing sleep time or whole weekend. Original planned things were not finished, can only hate myself more and more day after day.

Not relying on willpower, what to rely on?

Since mentioned above that modern temptations are hard to resist, modern people should think not about "willpower", "self-motivation" etc. means to attempt to fight against the entire environment on their own, but correctly cognize how society, environment we live in, and everything around allow us to make decisions, how habits themselves are established, and dominate our lives. Before being designed by others, let's use this system of atomic habits to design ourselves first.

Through this book, will be able to answer:

1. How habits affect our lives
2. How good habits are formed, how bad habits are eliminated
3. How to make good use of power of "technology" to help yourself

How Habits Affect Our Lives

We tend to overestimate importance of a decisive moment, and underestimate huge value some small changes can produce.

Take losing weight as an example. I often see bloated self in photos or mirror, then ambitiously set exercise and diet plans, determined to sculpt my perfect figure this time. This kind of impassioned, determined moment is the decisive moment.

But result is often just persisted for a few weeks, and ended up with nothing before results came out.

Actually if really want to produce effect, we should start from a little change every day more, for example: drink one less cup of beverage every day.

The book uses "compound interest thinking" here to explain why daily small changes can create huge changes: as long as maintain 1% progress every day, stable and continuous, results will soar like the line above; conversely, if maintain 1% regression every day, then eventually will infinitely approach 0.

But why are we like this? Are we really that suck?

Actually just results didn't come fast enough, so slowly gave up

Example of melting ice in the book

• We often expect ice cube to melt as soon as heated
• But actually ice cube only starts to melt when heated from 26 degrees all the way to 32 degrees
• Compare to effort, this distance to reach appearance of results is "Valley of Disappointment" (see figure below)
• All efforts are meaningful, just happen at 32 degrees

• Continue example of drinking beverage: drink one less cup of beverage every day, won't become thin immediately; study English for one hour today, won't master English immediately
• Even if we know importance of "accumulation" well, but process of accumulation we need "strong willpower"
• Fact is, there are too many things in daily life consuming our willpower. We definitely don't lack willpower, but human willpower is originally limited. When studying, working and handling things in daily life, already used up too much willpower, of course it becomes harder to carry out other good habits.

(About how to cross "Valley of Disappointment", will be mentioned again in habit loop later, here just need to know this concept first.)

Problems of Goal-oriented

Problem 1: Winners and losers have same goals

• Goal-oriented is seriously affected by "survivorship bias". Because successful people have set goals, we think setting goals is important. But actually people who failed often also set same goals.
• If winners and losers have same goals, then difference between the two doesn't lie in "goals".

Problem 2: Goals can only bring short-term changes

• Setting goals let us only constantly pursue same results. If system behind is not changed, this is treating symptoms but not root cause.
• Take organizing room as example, usually only when on a whim, will organize room well. But mess up again after maintaining for a few days.

Problem 3: Goals and long-term progress contradict each other

-- When all your efforts focus on a specific goal, what can push you forward after achieving goal?

• Take myself as example, I studied English in third year of high school to strive for good English grade in college entrance exam. Therefore could read English articles crazily every day. Thought I could maintain good habit of reading English after exam at that time. Result was I didn't actively touch English until University graduation.
• Purpose of setting goals is to win game. Purpose of building system is to continue staying in game.

Problem 4: Goals limit your happiness

• Behind any goal implies such assumption: "Once achieve goal, I will be happy."
• Problem of goal-first mindset lies in you will keep delaying happiness until after next milestone.
• Happiness has always been something exclusively for future me to enjoy.

Goals created a conflict of "Either A or B"

• If not achieve goal and succeed, then fail and disappointing.
• You frame yourself in narrow happiness in heart. This is biased.
• Real life journey is unlikely to be exactly same as expectation at start.

Therefore, setting goals is not enough, system is the truth

Goals are results you want to achieve. Systems are processes letting you achieve those results.

System Lets You Enjoy Process

When you fall in love with process, not product, don't have to wait until getting own permission to be happy.

• As long as system is operating, you can feel satisfied anytime.
• Moreover, system can succeed in many forms, not limited to the one you envisioned at beginning.

True long-term thinking is thinking disregarding goals

• Point lies not in any single achievement, but in cycle of continuous refining and improvement.
• Essential condition for progress is investment in process.

Changing Habits Starts from Changing "Identity"

Shift focus from "What I want to achieve" to "What kind of person I hope to become".

Take two answers of people quitting smoking facing smoking as example

1. "No thanks, I am quitting smoking"
2. "No thanks, I don't smoke"

• Former's identity is "I am a person who smokes, just I am quitting smoking now". Still recognize that smoking self in heart, therefore hard to quit.
• While latter is changing identity from root. He no longer feels he is a person who smokes. Quitting smoking thus happens naturally.

Why Changing Habits is Hard to Achieve 👇

1. Wrong things changed
2. Wrong ways changed

These two points can be explained through figure below:

• If we want to achieve habits starting from setting goals, just like starting from outermost layer of circle and hoping to affect innermost layer.
• While if we change from identity (what kind of person we are essentially), then result is just piece of cake.

• Outcomes: Goals
• Process: Habits and Systems
• Identity: Beliefs, Worldview, Self-image

Two Steps to Change Identity

1. Decide what kind of person you want to become
2. Prove to yourself through small wins in life

• Every experience in life will modify your self-image. But unlikely to consider self as football player just by kicking ball once. Also unlikely to consider self as artist just by drawing a picture casually.
• However, when you repeatedly execute these actions, evidence accumulates gradually, your self-image also starts to transform.
• Take participating in reading club as example. Meet every week to listen to everyone talking about books. Self also slowly reading. Will gradually consider self as a person who loves reading and knowledge.

Focus should always be placed on becoming a certain kind of person, not getting a certain kind of result.

Every habit is like a suggestion: "Hey, maybe I am this kind of person."

Seriously Talk About "Habit"

So-called habit, is behavior repeated enough times to be automated.

• Whenever you encounter a new situation in life, brain must make a decision: How should I respond?
• Brain's feedback loop: Try, fail, learn.
• And when we continuously repeat executing this step, we will form automated response way facing same type of problems, that is "habit".

Habits Can Make You Free Up Time Needed for Free Thinking and Creativity

• When habits are created, degree of activity in brain decreases accordingly.
• You will learn to focus on cues that can bring success, block other noises out.
• Encountering similar situations in future, you know exactly what should seek. Don't need to analyze situation from every angle every time. Can release space to multitask.
• Take riding scooter as example. At beginning we might need body balance, road conditions and grasping tightness of throttle. Changing lane we all have to observe for a long time. But after riding for a long time we already accustomed to riding. Also can better respond to sudden situations on road. Or pay attention to surrounding street view while riding.

On above basis, can define "habit" more precisely:

So-called habit, is a set of automated solutions for regular problems and stress.

Habits Won't Limit Freedom, Habits will Create Freedom

Seeing here, my initial doubt was: Is such me still myself? Will I become just an efficiency robot?

• Answer is no. You will only be more at ease and relaxed when letting yourself go to do things really want to do.

❌ Before: While reading manga, I would think "When will I start exercising?"

⭕️ Now: Automate exercise into a habit executed regularly. When I am reading manga or doing other things, don't need to consider problem of exercise anymore. Can be in the moment more at ease.

Ultimate goal of habits: Solve problems in life with "least energy and effort".

Summary with Definition of "Atomic Habits":

Atom is smallest unit composing molecule. And atomic habit is smallest unit composing self. — James Clear (Author)

Roughly introduce here for this article first. Let everyone have basic understanding of habits author hopes us to cultivate. Also avoid article being too long and hard to read. As for how habits operate, how to cultivate, will explain to everyone again in next article.

Thoughts

Actually finished reading this book for a while myself. Also organized in HackMD first. Encouraged after sharing with friends. Finally decided to put article on shelf. Thank you guys reading here. If this article helped you, welcome to help me share. This will become my motivation to continue writing. And if there is anywhere explained not clearly or feel can be improved, also welcome to leave message to tell me!

Note: This post is translated by AI. If you find any unnatural phrasing or errors, please feel free to contact me via email or other channels. Your feedback is appreciated!

Atomic Habits

:::info Proven Way to Build Good Habits & Break Bad Ones :::

2019/06/01 Traditional Chinese Version Published!

Author: James Clear

• Founded "Habits Academy", an online training platform
• Focus on researching habit formation, decision making

This book teaches not psychological techniques of "self-motivation" or "strengthening willpower", but how to still achieve your goals when willpower is insufficient.

Modern people should think no longer about "willpower", "self-motivation", but how to correctly cognize how society, environment we live in, and everything around allow us to make decisions, how habits themselves are established, and dominate our lives.

Through this book, will be able to answer:

1. How habits affect our lives
2. How good habits are formed, how bad habits are eliminated
3. How to make good use of power of "technology" to help yourself

How Habits Affect Our Lives?

:::info Success is product of daily habits—not once-in-a-lifetime transformations. :::

We tend to overestimate importance of a decisive moment, and underestimate huge value some small changes can produce.

• Decisive moment: Ambitiously setting annual plan at beginning of year, determined to complete goals not achieved last year
• Small changes every day: Drink one less cup of beverage

But why are we like this?

• Results didn't come fast enough, so we slowly gave up
  • Continue example of drinking beverage: drink one less cup of beverage every day, won't become thin immediately; study English for one hour today, won't master English immediately
  • Even if we know importance of "accumulation" well, but process of accumulation we need "strong willpower"

Example of melting ice

• Start to melt only when heated from 26 degrees to 32 degrees
• Compare to effort, this distance to reach appearance of results is "Valley of Disappointment"
• All efforts are meaningful, just happen at 32 degrees

Fallacy of Goal-oriented, System is Truth

Goals are results you want to achieve. Systems are processes letting you achieve those results.

1. Winners and losers have same goals

• Goal-oriented is affected by "survivorship bias"
• If winners and losers have same goals, then difference between the two doesn't lie in "goals"

2. Goals can only bring short-term changes

• Example of organizing room
• You can only continuously pursue same results, because you didn't change system behind, this is ==treating symptoms but not root cause==.

3. Goals limit your happiness

• Behind any goal implies such assumption: "Once achieve goal, I will be happy."
• Problem of goal-first mindset lies in you will keep delaying happiness until after next milestone.
• ==Happiness has always been something exclusively for future me to enjoy.==

Goals created a conflict of "Either A or B"

• If not achieve goal and succeed, then fail and disappointing.
• You frame yourself in narrow happiness in heart. This is biased.
• Real life journey is unlikely to be exactly same as expectation at start.

System lets you enjoy process

• When you fall in love with process, not product, don't have to wait until getting own permission to be happy.
• As long as system is operating, you can feel satisfied anytime.
• Moreover, ==system can succeed in many forms, not limited to the one you envisioned at beginning.==

4. Goals and long-term progress contradict each other: "Yo-yo Effect"

• Why many athletes deteriorate after winning awards?
• When all your efforts focus on a specific goal, what can push you forward after achieving goal?
• Purpose of setting goals is to win game. Purpose of building system is to continue staying in game.

True long-term thinking is thinking disregarding goals

• Point lies not in any single achievement, but in cycle of continuous refining and improvement.
• Essential condition for progress is investment in process.

Changing Habits Starts from Changing "Identity"

:::info Shift focus from "What I want to achieve" to "What kind of person I hope to become". :::

• Take two answers of people quitting smoking facing smoking as example
  1. "No thanks, I am quitting smoking"
  2. "No thanks, I don't smoke"
• Former's identity is "I am a person who smokes, just I am quitting smoking now". Still recognize that smoking self in heart, therefore hard to quit.
• While latter is changing identity from root. He no longer feels he is a person who smokes. Quitting smoking thus happens naturally.

Why Changing Habits is Hard to Achieve:

1. Wrong things changed
2. Wrong ways changed

• Outcomes: Goals
• Process: Habits and Systems
• Identity: Beliefs, Worldview, Self-image

Two Steps to Change Identity

1. Decide what kind of person you want to become
2. Prove to yourself through small wins in life

• Every experience in life will modify your self-image. But unlikely to consider self as football player just by kicking ball once. Also unlikely to consider self as artist just by drawing a picture casually.
• However, when you repeatedly execute these actions, evidence accumulates gradually, your self-image also starts to transform.
• Take reading club as example. Meet every week to listen to everyone talking about books. Self also slowly reading. Will gradually consider self as a person who loves reading and knowledge.

Focus should always be placed on becoming a certain kind of person, not getting a certain kind of result.

• ==Every habit is like a suggestion: "Hey, maybe I am this kind of person."==

Seriously Talk About "Habit"

:::info So-called habit, is behavior repeated enough times to be automated. :::

• Whenever you encounter a new situation in life, brain must make a decision: How should I respond?
  • Feedback loop: Try, fail, learn

Habits Can Make You Free Up Time Needed for Free Thinking and Creativity!

• When habits are created, degree of activity in brain decreases accordingly. You learn to focus on cues that can bring success, block other noises out.
• Encountering similar situations in future, you know exactly what should seek. Need to analyze situation from every angle no longer exists.

On above basis, speak more precisely:

• ==So-called habit, is a set of automated solutions for regular problems and stress==

Habits Won't Limit Freedom, Habits will Create Freedom

Seeing here, my question is: Is such me still myself? Will I become just an efficiency robot?

• Answer is no. You will only be more at ease and relaxed when letting yourself go to do things really want to do.
• ❌ Before: While reading manga, I would think "When will I start exercising?"
• ⭕️ Now: Automate exercise into a habit executed regularly. When I am reading manga or doing other things, don't need to consider problem of exercise anymore. Can be in the moment more at ease.

Ultimate goal of habits

:::info Solve problems in life with "least energy and effort". :::

Four Steps of Habit Functioning

1. Cue: Something reminds you to do that thing

• Your mind constantly analyzes internal and external environment, looking for various hints where rewards are located. Because cue is our first indicator approaching reward, naturally brings craving

Improvement Way: Law (1) Make it Obvious

2. Craving: Inner desire stimulated by cue

• Craving is second step, also motivation behind all habits.
• Lacking certain degree of motivation or desire -- lacking craving for change -- have no reason to act.
• What you crave is "not only" habit itself, but state change brought by habit
  • What motivates you to brush teeth is not behavior itself, but refreshing feeling of mouth
  • Example of own manga: Not want to read manga, what you want is entertainment

Cue and Craving rely on context of person involved

• Gambler hearing sound of slot machine, dancer hearing music
• Before interpretation and decoding, cue has no meaning. Transforming cue into craving are thoughts, feelings and emotions of observer.

Improvement Way: Law (2) Make it Attractive

3. Response: Thoughts generated or actions taken based on craving

• Response is habit you actually execute, might present in way of thought or behavior.
• Whether response happens depends on how much stimulation you received, and how much resistance linked to behavior.
• If physical or mental effort required for a certain behavior exceeds amount you are willing to pay, you will not do it.

Improvement Way: Law (3) Make it Easy

4. Reward: Result obtained after responding to craving (action)

• Ultimate goal of every habit
  • Cue is about noticing reward, Craving is about wanting reward, Response is about obtaining reward

Purpose of Reward

1. Satisfy craving
2. Teach us which behaviors are worth remembering in future

Improvement Way: Law (4) Make it Satisfying

Four Aspects Indispensable

• Missing first three steps, behavior won't happen; missing fourth step, behavior won't be repeated

Habit Loop

• Cue triggers craving, craving stimulates response, response provides reward, reward satisfies craving, looping around, connects with cue again

Four Laws of Habit Formation

Law 1: Make it Obvious

Process of behavior change starts from awareness

:::info As psychologist Jung said: "Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." :::

• There are too many things we do subconsciously in our daily life, for example: picking up phone

Pointing and Calling

• Japan Subway

  • Pointing and calling reduced errors by 85%, and avoided accidents by 30%.

• New York Subway

  • Adopted modified "Point Only" version. Within less than two years of implementation, occurrence rate of subway trains not stopping properly dropped by 57%.

• Own example: Slogan before going out

Habits Scorecard

:::info Good Habit(+): Helpful to become "kind of person you want to become" Bad Habit(-): Conversely, harmful. Normal Habit(=): Helpful nor harmful things. :::

• Don't need to make changes first, just know actual behaviors happening in own daily life first

Two Most Common Cues: Time and Location

People who make exact plan on when and where to execute a new habit are more likely to really execute.

• Many people think they lack motivation, actually what they lack is ==clarity==.
• Time and location to take action are not always obvious. Some people spent whole life waiting for correct timing to improve self.

==Secret: I will perform [behavior] at [time] in [location].==

• Own case: I will write thesis at Rebirth at 7:30 after work.

Habit Stacking

:::info Bind wanted behavior with things already doing :::

Diderot Effect: Obtaining a new possession often brings chain reaction of consumption, adding extra shopping.

• No behavior happens alone. Every behavior becomes cue triggering next behavior.
• ❌ Pair new habit with specific time and location
• ⭕️ Pair new habit with current habit.
• Key: Find correct cue triggering habit

==Secret: After finishing [current habit], I will execute [new habit].==

• Basic version: After brushing teeth every morning, I will drink a cup of warm water.

Habit stacking allows you to create a set of simple rules guiding future behaviors, as if you always have execution plan for what to do next.

• Advanced version: Want to cultivate habit of reading more every night:
  • Wake up → Make bed → Put a book on pillow → Shower.

Motivation is Overestimated, Environment Often More Important

People choose products often not because "what makes" product, but "where is" product

Habit change depends on space located, and cues in front.

Most common form of change is not internal, but external: We are changed by things around us. Every habit depends on context.

Visual Cue is Strongest Catalyst for Humans

• Our reliance on vision is far higher than other senses Creating obvious visual cues can draw your attention to habit you want

Want to let habit become a big part of life, let cue become a big part of environment.

Make sure to make best choice become most obvious. When cue of good habit is right in front of your eyes, making better decision becomes relaxed and natural.

Environment design lets you take back control, become architect of life. Don't be just a customer of world you are in, also become its designer.

What defines behavior is not objects in environment, but our relationship with objects

:::info Environment is not full of objects, but full of relationships. :::

• New environment easier to change habits
  • Don't need to deal with cues of old environment
• One space, one use
  • When cues of environment overlap, winner is often easier side
  • Own example: Management of digital space
• Want to make behavior stable and predictable, need stable and predictable environment

Secret of Self-control

Example: Heroin addiction of US military in Vietnam

:::info So-called "disciplined people" are just good at constructing life, so that themselves don't need to show extraordinary willpower and self-control. :::

People with most self-control are usually people using self-control least. When you don't need to use self-control very often, easier to restrain self.

Persistence, grit and willpower are necessary conditions for success. And ways to strengthen these qualities:

• ❌ Pray for self to become a more disciplined person
• ⭕️ Build a more disciplined environment.

Reverse Law 1 (Make Cue Invisible) to Eliminate Bad Habits

Once habit is established, as long as cue in environment appears again, craving for action follows

:::info If cue is not handled carefully, will instead trigger behavior you want to stop :::

Bad habit is self-catalyzing. Bad habit promotes emotions it attempts to numb

• Crazy binge-watching makes you lethargic, spent too much time again. But you continue watching because having no time and energy to do other things.
• You are anxious because smoking is harmful to health. But seeing disgusting photo on cigarette pack generates more anxiety. Thus smoked another cigarette to relieve anxiety.

"Cue-induced Wanting"

• An external stimulus caused a compulsive craving wanting to repeat bad habit. ==Once noticed something, you start to want==
• One of most practical ways to eliminate a bad habit is to reduce exposure to cues stimulating this bad habit.
  • Like binge-watching: Don't install drama watching APP in phone, don't put in web bookmarks.

:::info In short term, you can use willpower to overpower temptation; in long run, we remain product of environment we live in. Put bluntly, I haven't seen anyone can always maintain positive habits in negative environment. :::

• Self-control is a short-term strategy, not applicable to long term. You might be able to resist temptation once or twice, but unlikely to let willpower override desire every time. Rather than drumming up willpower every time wanting to do right thing, better use energy to optimize environment located.

==This is secret of self-control: Make cues of good habits obvious, make cues of bad habits invisible.==

Law 2: Make Habit Attractive

• Bliss Point of Food

  • Example: Habit of overeating

• Supernormal Stimulus

  • Like: Social media (likes count), satisfy craving for "recognition"

Dopamine Feedback Loop

• Rat experiment
  • Still "like" sugar, but without dopamine, no longer "want"
• What makes us take action is expectation of reward, not realization of reward.
• Reward system activated in brain when receiving reward is same as system activated when expecting reward
• Neural circuits your brain allocates to wanting reward are far more than allocated to liking reward

Temptation Bundling

Case: Connect Relax with TV Program

• If you drink red wine with popcorn every Thursday at 8 PM, then in the end, "Thursday 8 PM" represents relaxation and entertainment. Reward connects with cue, habit of turning on TV thus becomes more attractive

• Bind things "want" to do with things "must" do

  • Binge-watching + Running

:::info

1. After finishing [current habit], I will execute [habit I need].
2. After finishing [habit I need], I will execute [habit I want].

Concept: Strengthen desire through Supernormal Stimulus, then execute through habit stacking. :::

⚠️ Situation: Want to scroll Facebook, also need to exercise more

1. After taking out phone, will do ten burpees (need)
2. After jumping, browse Facebook feed (want)

Cultural Environment (Family and Friends)

• Example: Chess prodigy family

:::info Habits considered normal in culture located are most attractive behaviors. :::

• Our earliest habits didn't come from choice, but imitation.
• "In life, we are swept by social customs and habits" — Montaigne

Objects of imitation

1. People close to you (Sense of belonging)
   • Join a culture considering behavior you want as normal. In there...
     1. Behavior you want is normal
     2. You originally have some common points with this group (Sense of belonging strengthens attraction)
2. Majority (Bandwagon effect)
   • When not sure what to do, we rely on group behavior
   • When changing habit means challenging group, change is less attractive; means getting into group, then conversely.
3. Powerful people
   • After getting in, we will figure out way to stand out.
   • We will care very much about habits of successful people or people admired, and try to imitate them
     • "If it were XXX" what would do?

Craving is just specific manifestation of deep underlying motive

• In process of evolution, human brain didn't have desires for smoking, checking Instagram or playing video games; at deeper level, you just want to reduce uncertainty and relieve anxiety, want to win social acceptance and recognition, or want to obtain status
  • Craving: Smoking, social media, playing video games
  • Deep underlying motive: Relieve anxiety, obtain sense of recognition

Life feels like reactive, but actually predictive

• We are always reading hints from environment, but only act when predicting "changing state will make self better", and this is "craving"

Reprogram Brain (Adjust mindset)

• Focus on benefits, not drawbacks. Make habit more attractive / unattractive

:::info Change two words, not "Have to", but "Get to" :::

Motivation Ritual

Practice associating habit you want to cultivate with something you enjoy. Later when need motivation, this cue can be used.

• Own case: Putting on headphones (don't need to play music) enters focused state.

Law 3: Make Action Easy

Repeat Execution > Pursue Perfection

:::info "The best is the enemy of the good" :::

Start-up (Prepare perfect plan) vs Action (Actual execution)

• People always in start-up state but start no action is usually wanting to delay failure
• Worse is, start-up makes you feel you are doing things.

:::info "Nothing else, but familiarity of hand" :::

• Long-term potentiation: More times repeating a behavior, brain structure will change to execute that behavior more efficiently.
• Hebb's Law: "Neurons that fire together wire together."

Establishing new habit, point lies in: ❌ How long spent ⭕️ How many times spent

• Flow of time has no magical power, what's important is proportion of executing that behavior.

Principle of Least Effort

:::info If you really want, maybe will really do. But our real motivation is being lazy, then find convenient things to do. :::

• Human energy in a day is limited. Brain setting is to save energy as much as possible.
  • Every action consumes energy. More energy required, lower probability to happen.

"Multiplication effect of subtraction": Remove resistance consuming time and energy, can achieve more with less effort.

• Best thing popular products good at is also this, like: food delivery apps, dating apps, ride-sharing services, communication apps

Reduce energy consumption through environment design

:::info ⚠️ ==Create an environment making right things as easy as possible== :::

Reduce resistance related to good habits in environment. Increase trouble related to bad habits.

• Good habits like: Exercise next day, sleep in sportswear. Want to read before sleep, press with a book after folding quilt when waking up.
  • When you organize a space for its original use, acts as preparing to make next use easy.
• Bad habits like: Unplug after watching TV (Increase trouble for next time)
  • → Change task, make violating good habit spends more effort than starting to execute good habit
  • Counter example: Netflix's auto-play service

Two-minute Rule, Stop Procrastinating!

Master daily "decisive moment". Habit is starting point, not end point.

• Starting point of wanting to exercise is transportation tool, not gym

Gateway Habit

• Condense new habit to establish into "two minutes". ==Point lies in making habit easy to start as much as possible==
  • Like: Read before sleep, read just one page; want to run, run just two minutes.
• New habit shouldn't be like a challenge. Follow-up can be challenge, but ==must be easy when starting==
  • Echo: Repeat>Pursue perfection. Do continuously first. == "Standardize before optimize."==

Law 4: Make Reward Satisfying

:::info When experience is satisfying, we are likely to repeat a behavior :::

Immediate Reward vs Delayed Reward

• People tend to do things "effective immediately". Therefore need to let good habit get "feedback" immediately
  • Example: Toothpaste added mint
• Getting salary, exercising to lose weight, saving money etc. are all "delayed rewards", thus hard to achieve.

Price of good habit is in moment (bitter first sweet later). Price of bad habit is in future (sweet first bitter later).

Habit Tracker

Basic type: Record items on To-Do, check after finishing.

1. Obvious

• Recording previous action can create factor triggering next action.
  • Evidence put in front of eyes, less easy to deceive self.

2. Attractive

• Every check is small win, is small win towards identity. And small wins time after time feed your craving for victory
  • Even provide visual proof, hinting whether you did it.

3. Satisfying

• Every small win can bring satisfaction.
  • No longer obsessed with building muscle, but obsessed with continuing record. Become "person who never misses fitness"

Paradox: Before trying to form habit, you need to form habit of recording this habit first.

• Minimize, automate tracking process.
• Habit stacking: After finishing "current habit", I will "track that habit".

What to do after Habit Interrupted?

1. Never miss twice

• What destroys you won't be first mistake, but subsequent mistakes again and again.

2. Still need to continue habit when state is bad

• Damage of missed habit days > Benefit of successfully executed habit days.
• 100 + 50% = 150 ; 150 - 33% = 100
  • Avoid 33% loss = 50% profit
• ==Point lies not in that thing itself, but become person who won't miss that thing==

Habit tracking is tracking purpose behind data, not data itself alone.

• Only focus on number on scale, might go astray just to reduce number.
• ==Goodhart's Law: "When a measure becomes a target, it ceases to be a good measure."==
• Measurement is useful only when guiding you, helping you see big picture clearly, not consuming mind!

Habit Contract

:::info Knowing someone is watching will be a powerful motivation. :::

Advanced Optimization Ways, From "A" To "A+"

Influence of Genes

:::info Open question: Is talent important? :::

• Increase probability of success: Choose right battlefield (Everyone born with different abilities)

Genes determine not your fate, but in which field you have opportunity

• Can determine tendency in advance, but can't determine fate.

How to know which field is favorable?

1. Start from understanding own personality

• "Build habits matching personality"
• "Choose habit suits you best, not most popular habit"

2. Exploit and Explore

• Goal is trying multiple possibilities, researching wide range of methods
• Focus lies in "finding optimal solution", and occasionally find some small experiments to test self
  • Effective, continue to exploit
  • Ineffective, continue to explore new methods
• Conclusion
  • Same 80/20 Rule
  • 80% time invest in optimal solution currently found
  • 20% time continue to explore new methods
  • Example: Google employees spend 80% time doing business, 20% time choosing projects they want to do

3. Other psychological indicators

• "Judging whether you suit doing a thing, is not depending on whether you love it, but depending on ==whether you can handle pain brought by this thing more effortlessly than most people==."
• "What makes you forget time"
• "What makes me get more harvest than others"
  • Speed of learning things, growth rate of self-media fans etc.
• "What is natural to me"

What if unable to find favorable playing field?

• After all being able to find own talent actually still relies on luck quite a bit.

But when you can't win by "better", can win by "different".

Inspirational metaphor:

• Boiling water makes potato soft, but makes egg hard. You can't control whether born as potato or egg. But you can decide to compete hardness, or softness. If able to find more favorable environment, can reverse conditions originally unfavorable to you.

Real case:

• Animator Youtuber Onion: Painter + Sense of humor
  • Painting not top level, can't make living by painting
  • Sense of humor also not strong enough to host talk show

Genes won't eliminate necessity of effort, but make direction of effort clear.

Genes tell us what to work hard on.

• Innate limitations have nothing to do with whether you exert your ability to limit.
  • People too obsessed with "having limitations", so that rarely really try best to approach those limits.
• If you didn't invest equal amount of training, impossible to be sure whether cards you got in genes are better or worse

Goldilocks Rule

:::info Key to maintaining motivation and reaching highest point of desire: Execute tasks of "just right difficulty" :::

• Once habit established, need is ==Maintain progress (small doesn't matter) + New challenge==
• If able to stay in Goldilocks Zone, easy to enter "Flow State".
• Progress needs a delicate balance.
  • You must constantly search for challenges pushing yourself to limit, at same time also continue achieving enough progress to keep yourself motivated.
  • To maintain attractiveness and continue bring satisfaction, behavior must remain fresh.

Biggest Threat to Success is Not Failure, But Boredom

• From A to A+ needs to be able to endure boredom in day-to-day behavior followed after habit executed to a stage.
  • On journey of self-improvement, upon certain time point, everyone will face same challenge: ==You must fall in love with boredom==.
  • We all have goals want to achieve, dreams want to realize. But no matter which aspect you attempt to improve in, ==if only work hard when convenient or excited, never unable to get extraordinary results==

Disadvantages of Building Good Habits

1. Automation makes us easy to ignore errors

   • Echo: Pointing and Calling
   • Need to establish == "System of Reflection and Review"==
     • Most afraid we are just strengthening automation of habit, not improving.
   • Like: Decision Journal, Annual Review etc.

2. "Identity" gives us motivation to do things, but also hinders us entering next step (Pride).

   • ==Don't let any single aspect of identity determine who you are.==
   • Otherwise, when that identity (usually profession) disappears, you also lose self along.
   • When identity lost, have to redefine self
     • ❌ I am a CEO
     • ⭕️ I am a person creating and building things

==Lack of self-awareness is poison. Reflection and review are antidote.==

Conclusion: From A To A+

Everything is impermanent. Life is always changing. So must periodically review whether old habits and beliefs are still useful to self.

:::info Habit (Automation) + Deliberate Practice (Review) = Mastery :::