Draw Your Own Map

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I originally wanted to write another article first, but I received a letter asking how to practice and reflect on "Draw Your Own Map" mentioned in 2023→ 2024, so I decided to write this one first.

I actually always wanted to write about this topic, but because the map and thinking method have been changing, or haven't crossed the hurdle in my heart, feeling that the idea could not be examined by others yet.

However, as mentioned in the "Qualification Theory" of the previous article "Some Unnecessary Wonders and Thoughts on Writing", I am just sharing "my" approach.

I also thought that even Marie Kondo of "The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up", if she no longer uses this set of organizing methods, it does not mean that others or people who read it later will not apply either. Everyone is just at a different stage.

Enlightenment from Atomic Habits

At first, when I read "Atomic Habits" for the first time in 2020, I was shocked to understand the concepts of "Goal-oriented Fallacy" and "Identity". Only then did I discover that I had always been blindly and hastily setting a bunch of "goals", and then using the results to define myself. Every time after achieving them, I would lose my goal and feel a little empty, and then rush to find the next goal to achieve.

And now adopt the "Identity" approach:

"Achievement of goals" is driven by identity. Just like shouting to go to the gym and extreme diet control to force yourself for losing weight, even if achieved, it often goes out of shape because of sudden relaxation, because the core identity has not changed. To have a healthy body, you must first let yourself generate an identity of knowing how to treat your body well to be lasting.

The preparatory work for drawing the map is also to clarify your identity first, iterate on this basis. will share my iteration records later.

If you are interested in "Atomic Habits", I have briefly written Re-understanding Habits — Book Summary of "Atomic Habits" (Part 1) before, so I won't repeat the concepts in the book here. In short, highly recommend this book!

How Drawing My Own Map Helped Me

Just open it when free to remind myself where I want to go.

After investing in work or some goals for a while, will also be too focused on that matter and cannot jump out. At this time, looking at the map will also be very helpful. Can detach myself from the moment, see where I ultimately want to go, sometimes will be suddenly enlightened.

Basis for Making Choices, Courage to Give Up, Less Regret

There are occasionally unexpected opportunities or possibilities in life, but not every opportunity and chance is good.

In the past, I often devoted myself passionately to some things because I was invited, only to find later that it didn't fit my direction. Just blindly invested, whether immersed in the feeling of "doing something" or "being needed".

And regret is often feeling "I had a better choice", "If only back then...", but having a map of my own allows me to recognize in advance I would not choose that way no matter what, those choices are just not suitable for me.

Avoid Being Busy for Nothing

In the past, I often rushed to do things for the feeling of "doing something", but actually those things at hand may not be the most important things. Looking at the map can force myself to face "those truly important things".

Get Rid of Comparing Mentality a Bit

I no longer treat people around me as competitors.

Sometimes still fall into envy and jealousy, thinking why others are so fast. At this time, open the map, remind myself of the road I want to walk, others are also walking their roads.

Is This a Good Map?

How to know if this is a good map? Just look at if this map corresponds to the reason "Why draw it".

In the process of clarifying "Why", can know which parts need to be emphasized when doing it, and can also serve as a basis for commenting after drawing the map.

The reasons why I draw the map are those helps mentioned above. Can it become my "daily navigation"? Can it become my "basis for making choices"? Can it "avoid me being busy for nothing"?

Adjust the map step by step in the process of confirming these "Whys" one by one.

How Do I Draw the Map?

First, can think about your identity first. What kind of person are you? What kind of person do you want to become? What kind of things do you like? It doesn't matter if it's abstract.

Then I think there are three stages:

"Don't know anything"
"Know what I don't want"
"Know what I want"

I was in the "Don't know anything" stage within two years of entering society.

Since don't know anything, can conversely "do whatever encountered". quite grateful that I was quite willing to try at that time, like becoming a software engineer was completely an accident (I was from the Philosophy Department), for details can refer to "Reviewing My First Three Years as a Software Engineer".

In the process of trying, will slowly know "what I don't want", and then reduce the items needed to try. I consider myself extroverted and love interacting with people, but after becoming a salesperson, discovered that my social energy also has an upper limit, occasionally like to lock myself up to do things.

There is still a long distance between "knowing what I don't want" and "knowing what I want", so I start from "Identity" to try. I can't be completely sure that I know what I want now either, I think few people can, but I have narrowed down a lot of scope. Currently there are a few key points want to cultivate deeply, writing is one of them.

In addition, besides trying by yourself, can also ask seniors for opinions before trying. Can think about questions to ask following your identity, let yourself imagine if want to be like that through their experience.

My Map Version Records

Too wordy, let's look at my map version records directly! But previous maps can just take a look, now have changed to minimalist style.

2019~2022

I gave myself these identities "Creator", "Changer", "Strong Person", "Adventurer", "Person Surrounded by People". Counted as a most abstract appearance I want to become (a bit childish but I like it).

And besides Atomic Habits, I also contacted OKR (Objectives and Key Results) management method. This is a set of objective management methods, focusing on thinking about what Key Results can be achieved to achieve Objective, and each Key Result can also be a sub-objective and have its own Key Results to achieve.

Although Atomic Habits mentioned the fallacy of "Goal-oriented", I let "Identity" be the top-level Objective, became reaching what Key Results can become that kind of person. This was a compromise when couldn't completely give up Goal-oriented at that time.

Then I will divide according to time dimension, from "OKR of Life" to "OKR of Year" then to Quarter Month Week Day.

"OKR of Life" is based on identity, what things I might achieve in my life:

"OKR of Year" is extending downwards, what things I might do this year, taking "Become a great engineer" as an example:

Quarter Month Week Day OKR and so on.

Looking back now feel it was really too extreme. Schedule detailed to half-hour unit was really too extreme. Even cleaning the house and gathering I would set time and timing. Later found time was spent on adjusting schedule and planning, instead of "really doing things".

Like setting gathering for two hours, then programming for one and a half hours, but if gathering delayed, have to adjust programming time later. If too late have to find what time can do this week, then dragged to next week's things and started adjusting next week's, then adjusting this month's...

Besides planning method having problems, there were also many psychological problems dealing with, like not good at rejecting causing not leaving much time for myself, tending to escape when encountering difficulties etc.

2023

Realizing it won't work being so tight, I readjusted a version. This version is not so rigorous. I gave up OKR method. Recall now might be based on "want to manage myself as a company", but I am a person, I should treat myself in a "human" way.

This stage set "Identity → Vision → Milestone → Small Task", still a bit shadow of OKR, but I pulled away the "Time" dimension. As I slightly changed my "Identity" and internalized it, after three or four years of precipitation felt I indeed want to become that kind of person, considerations for doing things can also use those identities to help me navigate and make choices, and less likely to FOMO and follow the trend, have a baseline to give up some things.

This map was iterated away very quickly, mainly credited to "Counseling".

When discussing with counselor, found this map is an "Anxiety List". Listing these things out won't miraculously achieve, and I can always only finish a small part, other parts are what I haven't done.

Then counselor also let me know through some very key questions that my expectations for myself have many unrealistic places.

I planned so extremely, partly because I have an imperfect, not matching imagination, incapable self in my heart, and I always wanted to reject him, so I catalyzed these goals, hoping to stay away from him.

2023~2024

Now is minimalist. Basically only "Identity" and more specific topics, because most have already been internalized. I only need some general directions instead of a pile of details. According to several experiences, many details will be naturally discovered when I do them. Listing too detailed beforehand just makes myself unable to move.

I also largely got rid of inferiority and Imposter Syndrome. What I need is to believe in myself and then do it.

Current Situation and Reflection

Seeing my map this year so simplified, some people might feel contradictory. Isn't it about drawing your own map? How come there are only a few points? Can this count as a map?

But after these years I found many intermediate points I originally thought must be achieved, even if not achieved is fine. Just like won't be not a good software engineer just because using fewer languages or packages. This simplified map is a very good map for current me.

Drawing your own map is a bit similar to the concept of planning life, but I think the focus is more on "Navigation" instead of "Setting Life Goals". As said at the beginning, achieving some things is driven by identity, not achieving goals and then coming back to define yourself.

The whole process is diverge first then converge, then if converged too tight then diverge again, too loose then converge again.

I can slowly accept this changing state. Everything seeks an approximation not absolute. Won't be obsessed with "achieving what thing" like before or climbing up step by step like climbing a grid. Now thinking "what kind of person want to become", how would that kind of person choose, and then proceed roughly like this.

Started last year there is another goal "Become a person with more margin". Abandoning obsession with goals, but feeling what kind of person I am, what kind of person want to become, really have much more margin. Able to deal with accidents, also can get along with friends more freely. Won't think "Ah that hasn't been done", "How far am I from XX goal" when relaxing, living under pressure of "things haven't been done" every day.

Besides goals, life actually has many aspects. I am not a machine. Have to let myself have margin in mentality and time to deal with those things. Occasionally when mentality drifts away look at the map, let myself not strictly get lost for too long. And if lost for too long it's okay, that means map is expired and needs adjustment.

Might adjust again in the future, but I will record the current version first.

Finally, really happy to receive a letter for the first time. Finally not talking to myself. Feeling that someone cares about my words and wants to know is very good!

Welcome everyone to send letters or exchange with me more on substack / twitter!

I may not reply very fast, but I will read and reply.