Diary: My Fourth Week at a New Job in Japan and Thoughts Before Returning to Taiwan

After nearly a year away from the software industry, I am now in my fourth week back at work.

There is a lot of pressure, but most of it comes from myself.

My managers are all nice. They check on my progress during our daily meetings, but they never micromanage me. Still, I am not a permanent employee yet, so I feel pressure to prove myself. I worry that I might be losing points somewhere without even knowing it.

It was also a huge blow when my visa was only granted for one year. I thought my salary would be enough to get me three years, but apparently I was too naive.

The language barrier is frustrating too.

I speak Japanese with my Japanese colleagues and managers, and English with my American mentor. We can understand each other, but that is about it. They have not said anything, but I know I am not expressing myself very well.

It also feels quite lonely at the office. My colleagues barely talk outside of meetings. Thankfully, a friend I know through social media introduced me to some Taiwanese people, so I occasionally have someone to eat lunch with.

I finally made it into a large company, just as I had hoped. It has rigorous development processes and plenty of resources, but there are also countless acronyms and company-specific terms that even AI cannot help me decipher. Whenever I keep asking questions, I start wondering whether I have so many of them because I am not capable enough, even though I know this initial honeymoon period is exactly when I should be asking everything I can.

Today, I suddenly noticed that I had some unread messages. One of them was especially heartwarming:

Hello, I think you are amazing. I hope everything goes well with your job in Japan. I have also applied to attend a language school in Japan next year. I hope I will have the opportunity to find a job in the software industry there too. Seeing you share your experience reminded me that I need to work hard as well.

When I decided to return to the industry, I believed that the changes brought by AI would continue, but they would not happen all at once. Until then, I cannot be the first one to give up on myself.

I happen to be returning to Taiwan next week to sort out my visa. I want to reset my mindset, come back, and keep doing my best. I need to break my anxiety and fear down into things I can improve, and spend less energy fighting myself.

Returning to Taiwan, but without a home

I am returning to Taiwan next week to sort out my visa, but I do not have anywhere to stay there.

I have some friends and relatives who would let me stay with them, but two weeks is quite a long time. Moving from place to place would also inconvenience people, so I will probably stay at a hostel instead.

Still, there is something strange about returning to the place where I was born and having to stay at a hostel. Over the past few days, I have booked one and then canceled it again.

This is the first time I have been away from Taiwan for more than half a year, so I was actually quite excited to go back. But not having a home really does make things complicated.

A Taiwanese person I met here told me that these days, coming back to Japan is what feels like coming home. I wonder whether I will feel that way someday too.

I probably will not be able to see all the friends I want to meet during this trip. But one thing I am now quite sure of is that I love my friends in Taiwan.

Several friends came to Tokyo starting last week, and I went to see all of them. It was only after they returned to Taiwan one by one that I realized how much I would miss them.

I still really like Japan. The illusion has not been shattered.

After all, I knew about these things before I came. There are still things I want to accomplish in Japan, and I know I do not want to return to Taiwan yet. Whether it is the working conditions, quality of life, or the things I want to pursue, Japan is still the better place for me right now.

Now I simply have to face the inevitable sacrifices.