🌊 Stream

In English, it's called the White Bear Effect. It can also be called Ironic Process Theory (the theory of ironic rebound).

Proposed by psychologist Daniel Wegner, it describes how trying to suppress a thought can make it even more vivid. In the experiment, participants were told not to think of a white bear, but the image kept appearing in their minds.

The idea is that when our minds try to suppress a thought, they also have to spend some effort checking whether we're thinking about it.

This might also explain why willpower fails. When I frame a rule around what I must not do, it takes twice the mental effort, and I still keep thinking about it.

If I tell myself, "Don't eat snacks," "Don't scroll social media," or "Don't watch another episode," my mind fills with snacks, likes and comments, and the shows and anime I want to watch. Willpower might win a few times, but I can't keep it up forever.

A better approach is to find an alternative, accept where I am, and use more positive phrasing.

Instead of "Don't scroll social media," I can ask, "What articles or books do I want to read?" I don't have to fight the urge to scroll; I can give myself something else to do.

That's also why I started this Stream section. I can post the scattered thoughts I'd usually put on social media here first, then share them there later if I feel like it. Knowing that different people will read them here helps me stop chasing the dopamine hit of likes and shares and focus more naturally on the quality of what I write.

I feel like this applies to a lot of things, especially the part about phrasing things positively. The way I put things into words really does shape how I think over time. I'll share more when something else comes to mind!

I've always been afraid of making choices. I'm afraid of putting too much into one field, hesitant to go all in on anything, and worried about the opportunity cost of choosing wrong.

But I'm not afraid anymore. I've realized that I need to make the most of the path in front of me before I can gradually open up other options.

I keep saying I don't want to be a software engineer. But if I don't have a better option, or if I want to create but can't yet make a living from it, then I should take the challenge in front of me seriously.

At the same time, I can keep creating or exploring other possibilities, and be willing to give them more of my time and attention.

I can't want a salary above the market rate without putting in more effort than average.

I can't say I want to create things if I spend every evening after work seeing friends or going to events.

I can't expect to stay in Japan without offering the IT skills that let me contribute the most right now.

Of course, some people can have it all. But that's because of their circumstances. Maybe they worked incredibly hard earlier, so things look easier for them now. Maybe they're simply better at what they do. Or maybe they have the resources and drive to do many things at once.

In the end, I have to come back to my own circumstances, see what's possible for me, and make my choices within those limits.

Given where I am now, I should keep working as a software engineer in Japan and work toward permanent residency or naturalization. If I really want to create, I'll have to use time I'd otherwise spend resting, socializing, or entertaining myself. If I'm unwilling to pay that price, I shouldn't imagine I'll get the result.